Why I’m Dressing Like a Total Slut This Halloween

You CAN be anything you want to be. Source: Yandy.

Halloween is around the corner. It?s been years since we cracked the formula to every girl?s Halloween costume ever:

Noun + Sexy = Halloween Costume.

But time?s are changing. In our gender fluid world, have sexy Halloween costumes become taboo? Am I less of a woman if I want to expose some skin on the weekend before October 31st?

?In Girl World, Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.? ? Lindsey Lohan, Mean Girls (2004)

I don?t care if it?s 2017 and this ?Mean Girls? reference is now a whole bat mitzvah old. I?m dressing like a slut this Halloween and you can, too.

For Feminism

There?s a lot of discrepancy on what exactly defines ?feminism.? Some think it means women are better than men. Others think it means women should dress like men and never look cute. When really all feminism means is equality. So if men have the right to wear Romp-hims and spend the summer without a shirt on, then we as women have the right to dress like a slut this Halloween or really whenever the fuck we want.

Because Halloween Bod is More Impressive Than Summer Bod

Summer Bod is for quitters. Of course it?s easy to stay slim when you have to wear a swimsuit. The real heroes are those who power through pumpkin spice season and still stay fit under their infinity scarfs.

For all these reasons, I?m dressing like a slut this Halloween and I want you to know you can too. Because, guess what? We?re worth it.

Because Fuck You, Donna Karan

Donna Karan AKA DKNY who was last relevant when Will Smith was a rapper, defended Harvey Weinstein claiming that ?It?s not Harvey Weinstein?You look at everything all over the world today and how women are dressing and what they?re asking by just presenting themselves the way they do. What are they asking for? Trouble.?

Wow, Donna.

This explains why Karan?s fall line has literally no cleavage. So I?m going to protest her very offensive statement by baring it all this Halloween.

For The Witches

Think back to the Salem Witch Trials: innocent women were burned at the stake for appearing promiscuous. Those innocent women died for your right to dress like a slutty witch this Halloween. Don?t let them die in vain.