There?s a lot to do in this big, wonderful city we live in called Toronto. The city hosts international festivals, parades and concerts, is home to five major sports teams and is regularly touted as one of the best cities to visit in blogs and magazines across the globe. We have clubs that pump beats until 4am, pubs that serve world class food, bars that host blues, trivia, open mics and karaoke, and literally everything else you can think of.
And I mean everything.
So, today I?m going to tell you about the less advertised but still very much popular hotspots for the naughty locals and tourists that you don?t typically read about under Things to do in Toronto headlines. And when I say naughty, I mean open-relationship, FYEO, R-rated, ?Earmuffs? kind of naughty.
Sorry, not sorry for all of the puns, play-on-words and softcore jokes, because I couldn?t help myself.
So strap-in (or strap on), and get educated on the Hoods Guru top naughty spots to check out in Toronto:
Club M4 ? Menage a Quatre ? 2814 Lake Shore Blvd W
Let?s start off with a bang! Beginning on the west side (or should I say the wet side) of town in Etobicoke, by the water. Club M4, also known as Menage a Quatre, is a swinger?s hot spot for those that like to take things to the next level. And by next level, I mean level that most people never actually get to. Open 7 days a week, this sex club can satisfy most anything your dirty little mind is craving. I said most. With events like Cougar Thursdays, Hump Day Afternoon Party and Bi-Night Wednesdays, there?s something for everyone?or thing. M4 even hosts Threesome Fridays every week and if you?re feeling extra freaky extra early, there?s no charge for couples before 10pm. Running the slogan created by swingers for swingers, M4 rocks two full bars, a locker room, lots of play rooms, a lounge, dance floor (with pole, of course) and booths for all of your voyeur viewing pleasure. So if you?re naughty by nature or just naughty for the night, check out M4.
O-Zone ? Swingers Club in North Etobicoke ? 36 Stoffel Drive
Heading north, but still in Etobicoke, stumble into the O-Zone for that sexual healing you desire. Marvin Gaye would never have been more proud than to have walked into 2016 Toronto to find O-Zone rocking his jam while people touch themselves on the dance floor. Oh yes, it?s swinger?s paradise at the O-Zone where you can find DJs, dance floors, poles, cages and themed sex rooms galore. So leave your black light at home, because this place is grandmother?s worst nightmare (but grandfather?s dream come true). O-Zone is decked out in neon lights, comfy couches and nude ceramics hanging, lying and tied in every which way. They focus on couples, primarily, with a few specified nights for the single men looking for some lovin? of their own. Of course, all 19+ are welcome, but the clientele is most often those between 30?40, married and middle to upper class. With events that range from wet shirt contests, best buns contests, Let?s Be Friends?With Benefits, and whatever the hell else they can make into an event, the O-Zone knows how to kink it up a notch. So if you?re 30, flirty and a whole lot of dirty, check out O-Zone.
Oasis Aqualounge ? Up-scale Sex Club ? 231 Mutual Street (Near Carlton and Jarvis)
Let?s move on to the crme-de-la-crme, the climax as you will, of sex clubs in Toronto. Despite what people say, Oasis gets bonus points for one main reason: location, location, location. Located in an historic 19thcentury mansion in downtown Toronto, Oasis offers an incredible range of events to kinkify any dirty pleasure you want to test out. Unlike the above sex clubs, Oasis rocks a private pool and hot tub for an added level of wetness I don?t even feel comfortable writing about! Beyond that, you can turn things up (way up) in the sauna, head into one of the many, many play rooms or check out the dungeon. Yes, a dungeon ? your ultimate BDSM fetish can be fulfilled in one leathery swoop of the whip. Of course, Oasis Aqualounge allows for a titillating experience with the usual dance floors, bars and lounge space for the less adventurous. It?s all oh-oh-oh so good at Oasis Aqualounge, the ultimate downtown Toronto sex club.
X Club ? Okay, not Toronto, but whatever ? 1625 Sismet Rd, Mississauga
Alright, I lied. I told you these were Toronto sex clubs and I quickly realized that Wicked had shut down so my top 5 recommendations fell to top 4 and I needed another spot. Now, that?s not to say there is anything wrong with X Club, which you will soon read all about, but it is technically not Toronto as I categorize anything you can?t reach by TTC as not Toronto. So, back to sex clubs.
For some reason I can?t picture anything else but Eyes Wide Shut with Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman when I think of X Club. It?s lavish, upscale and done up, with white bedding, white curtains, wood floors, neon (and black) lights, with funky artwork hung on both walls and humans in costumes. Touted as the best sex club in the GTA, X Club rocks top notch sex parties, like Fetish Fridays, Lingerie and Lace, Havana Nights and much more. They?ve erected all sorts of funky decorations that cater to the night, and they host super parties on special nights of the year, like New Year?s or Valentine?s Day. Nothing says I love you like an orgy. Like most of these sex clubs, the clientele is most often in their mid-thirties, which of course gives a whole new meaning to your dirty thirties.
Strip Clubs
Too many, but here are some of the best.
- For Your Eyes Only, located on King West, has the best location in town. Located in the heart of one of the most popular streets in all of downtown Toronto, For Your Eyes Only hosts special events and top notch talent. Definitely the most pimped out aesthetics of any strip club in the city.
- Zanzibar has two unique things: a cool name and a great location. Located on Yonge Street at Gerrard, this strip club hub is perfect for your Perve?s Row pleasures, and easy to get to if you just want to jump on a quick subway ride (Dundas Stn and walk north). Talent and convenience, all under one well titled roof with a funky neon sign. Enjoy.
- Paradise is a must?why? Because it?s (in)famous for being attached to a church. Yes, it?s a strip club that shares its walls with a church. Talk about the ultimate example of irony??I?m sorry Father, but I was caught with a 5 dollar bill in my mouth on stage while a naked woman shook her breasts in my face.? Paradise is the Greenland of strip clubs. Think about it ? it?ll make sense in a moment. All things considered, you?ll get a lot more than you bargained for in both price and talent here.
- Filmores Hotel is where the best breasts can be found dancing on a stage and twisting on a pole for money to Justin Bieber?s Sorry in the east-end of town. Yes, that?s specific but it?s true. Located on Dundas St East, this place is your typical strip club with dancers and glancers to be found 7 days a week.
- Brass Rails is the YorkVille naughty spot, located at Yonge and Bloor. They?ve got the talent, but expect to pay more for drinks because they don?t charge for cover?usually. Brass Rails is often regarded as the best strip club in Toronto, but I don?t know how you honestly gauge that beyond a few minor details (No peep holes? Check. Toilet not clogged? Check. Great, 4 stars).
Remingtons Men of Steel is the biggest hottie spotty for a naughty, naughty bachelorette party this side of?okay I?m not clever enough to finish that and I should probably remove the words hottie and spotty, but screw it. Remingtons is the male strip club across the street from Zanzibar, where hunky men do hunky things with dance poles and otherpoles for lots of money. I?ll end it there.
And when I get that feeling, I want sexual healing.
? Marvin Gaye
So there it is folks, the list of places in Toronto you likely never knew existed until now. Sex, sex and more sex can be found, advertised, experienced or watched any night of the week, just as long as play safe and obey the cardinal rule ? NO, means no. Now enjoy the show.
So when you are looking for things to do in Toronto, check out Hoods Guru.
That?s all for now.
Craig S.
*Note* I just want to add that when I say ?talent? when describing the strip clubs, I mean this because the dancers are talented.
