My Dad Isn?t Even a Daddy
Photo by: Veres Production / Shutterstock
I?ve had a daddy fetish for a long time, but it took me a while to get comfortable with it. It?s not something I was ready to admit to others ? or to myself.
I had a clear idea of the kind of men I liked. I just wasn?t sure what it meant about me or how I?d be perceived because of it.
Having a thing for daddies seemed borderline creepy. Like I wasn?t putting enough distance between my family life and my sex life.
Now that I?ve learned a lot more about myself, I completely shed the shame around my daddy fixation. And I want to set the record straight: having a daddy fetish doesn?t mean you secretly lust after your daddy.
My Dad Isn?t Even a Daddy
In fact, my dad might be a father but he?s not a daddy. Not in the proper sense. Not in the way I use the term.
When I drool over daddies, I?m not looking to replicate my relationship with my father (one dysfunctional relationship with an authority figure is more than enough for me). And it doesn?t feel like I?m trying to fill some kind of void or replace the relationship I should?ve had with him. I?m not looking for some kind of emotional sugar daddy to shower me with all the love and support I never had.
It?s a little more complicated than that.
I Want a Daddy, but I Don?t Want to Be a Little Girl
Having a thing for daddies is a highly subjective thing. It?s not as simple as having a penchant for big boobs or liking a dick with a nice curve. Everyone puts their own spin on the daddy thing.
For some people, it?s a form of BDSM roleplay. It?s about the dynamic between a dominant daddy and the bratty little girl he needs to tame.
More power to them. But that?s not a dynamic I?m interested in. I?m fine with role playing ? even some submissive scenarios ? but I?m not turned on by the idea of being younger than I am. I don?t even want to play at being innocent; I?m dirty, experienced, and foul-mouthed and I?m okay with that.
Who?s My (Kind of) Daddy
So what do I think of when I think of daddies? It?s a mix of character and appearance, but it boils down to a few traits.
Confidence without Cockiness
This is, to me, the essence of the daddy attitude. Daddies have a confidence that can only come from knowing what they?re doing. They have skill and experience and they know it, too.
That?s what makes a daddy so different than your average fuckboy. A fuckboy will swagger and brag. They?ll act like they?re a gift from God. But it?s all cockiness ? they can?t back it up.
Dominance without Violating Trust
Daddies know how to take charge but always in a very respectful way. There?s a fine line between being commanding and being controlling, and they know how to be the former without straying into the latter. They?re not alphas who just take what they want; they?re always aware of your needs.
Maturity and Responsibility
Being a daddy is a whole lifestyle thing. No one earns daddy cred in my eyes if they?d rather play video games than listen to you or if they can?t iron their own shirts.
Daddies are responsible, independent men who do what needs to be done instead of procrastinating and delegating. They?re natural providers who see the value in supporting and taking care of others.
Daddies don?t look like their wives or girlfriend bought their clothes for them. They?ve got an easy and comfortable sense of style. They?ve been to a tailor before and they aren?t confused when you show them a pocket square.
But it?s not all suits and neckties. Give me a man in a dress shirt with rolled up sleeves any day.
A Strong Body
I don?t necessarily mean a muscle-bound jock. Some evidence of fitness is enough for me. Even if it?s a dad bod ? just something that shows they?re able to take care of themselves.
And strong hands. Few things get me more excited than a pair of strong hands.
Salt and Pepper Hair
We?re talking about daddies, so naturally we?re talking about someone who at least looks a bit older. Above all, that means having a demeanor that shows some degree of dignity. But it never hurts when that dignity is packaged up as a silver fox or a tall guy with salt and pepper hair.
Why Daddy, Though?
After looking at that list, you might be wondering why I still insist on using the term ?daddy.? Wouldn?t it be just fine to just say I?m into gentlemen or mature men, instead?
Well, sort of. But none of those connotations are right. Teenage boys can be gentlemen, and mature men can just be disrespectful pricks with some silver hairs.
The thing is we have no cultural touchstones for the kind of men I described other than daddies. Everything I look for is strongly associated with heads of households.
Whenever TV shows or movies show us depictions of older, single men, there?s usually something wrong with them ? there?s a reason they?ve never settled down. They?re dangerous or emotionally unavailable or simply never got their act together. Not exactly spank bank material.
So, while we?re still served up these kinds of depictions and the attitudes that come with them, there will be no better shorthand for the kind of man I desire than ?daddy.?
We Shouldn?t Have to Explain Ourselves
I?m not the only one with a daddy fetish. And I?m not the only woman who has felt the need to explain herself because of it. But this points to a real double standard.
Men don?t have these same issues. The fetishization of MILFs has full-blown cultural currency, right down to hit pop songs. It?s seen as an entirely ordinary manifestation of male desire and no one ever worries that confessing to a MILF fetish will be tantamount to admitting to some oedipal complex.
The fact that people still look on the daddy fetish with suspicion just shows that we still have a long way to go to normalizing women?s sexual desires. We need a broader, more open conversation about what we really want (and not just fantasies of Fabios on horseback ? the pervy stuff, too).
Then we?ll finally have the same freedom MILF-hungry already enjoy: the freedom to be in touch with and open about the things that really get us hot and bothered, without having to make excuses or defend ourselves.
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