It?s not as sensitive as the clit, but it shouldn?t be ignored
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I count myself lucky to have been in a relationship with an avid pussy eater for the last fifteen years.
He?s always been eager to go down on me and enthusiastic when he?s busy at it. He?s always been really good at what he does.
When we first met, he had a simple but effective approach to oral sex. We would make out and he would touch me all over. Then, he?d used his fingers to tease and rub my pussy. When I was ready, he would use those fingers to spread my lips so he could attack my clit with his tongue.
He?d lap at me hard and fast until I came, which didn?t take long at all.
I didn?t think it could get any better ? it was leaps ahead of anything anyone had ever done to me before. But then he got years of practice and refined his technique.
While he was going down on me, I used to instruct him to slow down or go softer when it all felt too intense. He did ? he?s a good listener ? but not nearly enough. His idea of slow and soft was still harder and faster than I preferred.
It took a long time for me to be comfortable really communicating what I want, so it took him a long time to learn that going quickly or going hard isn?t always the best way to get me off.
It also took him a long time to put less focus on my clit.
That one?s partly my fault. I never asked him to use his tongue on different parts of my pussy. In fact, I didn?t even know anything other than steady lapping at my clit would feel good. I knew that was the most sensitive part of my vulva, so spending the entire time licking it just made sense to me. But I?ve come to realize that the best oral isn?t so intensely focused on that one spot.
I know that might sound kind of weird. Isn?t the whole point to focus on the clit? Isn?t that the way to bring a woman to orgasm? Isn?t it a huge complaint of heterosexual women that they can?t get a guy to give enough attention to their clits?
That?s mostly true. I?m all for the clit, really. I need clitoral stimulation. And when I?m getting close to orgasm, I need to have all the stimulation concentrated there.
But my pussy doesn?t just have one erogenous zone ? and I don?t mean that I also have a G-spot.
Everything I?ve got down there is sensitive. Every part of it feels good when it gets stroked, kissed, or licked.
And that includes my labia.
The Right Way to an Orgasm Is Through Detours
When I?m getting oral sex, it?s to get an orgasm. I?m in it to reach that goal. But getting to it doesn?t need to ? and shouldn?t be ? a straight path.
Starting at the clit and ending at the clit will work. It will (probably) get your partner off. But if you want to give her a really good, really powerful, and really satisfying orgasm, you?ll have to work your way up to that.
Going right for my clit gives me what I can only describe as a basic orgasm. It?s fine. It?s good. It?s way better than no orgasm at all.
But it could be so much more.
When my husband goes down on me now, he builds anticipation. He?ll lick my thighs. He?ll lick the outer lips of my labia. He?ll work his way to my inner labia. And he won?t rush through any of those steps.
None of that is enough to bring me to a climax (not usually, anyway), but all that anticipation makes me hornier and hornier.
Obviously, I?m already horny when he?s going down on me. But when he teases and licks the less sensitive parts of my pussy, my breathing gets heavier. When he?s really good, he?ll tease and prolong the action for so long that I?m feeling dizzy and practically hyperventilating.
Like, I have to purposefully and mindfully slow my breathing down so my body doesn?t panic.
In other contexts, that?s not a great feeling, but when it?s caused by intense arousal, it feels absolutely amazing. I also know that I?m primed for a strong climax that is nothing like the basic orgasm I would?ve had otherwise.
Building anticipation should start before this point, of course. Every kind of foreplay works for this. Dirty talk whispered in my ear will do it. Kissing my earlobes or my neck does it for me, too.
But there?s no reason for that playfulness to stop just because his face is between my legs. Having your mouth on someone?s pussy doesn?t mean you have to go from zero to sixty and attack the clit right away. Just like you should work your way up to sex with some foreplay, you should treat pussy eating like it has its own moments of foreplay.
So, you shouldn?t take a straight path to the clit. But you also shouldn?t treat the clit like a dead end. Just because you started licking it doesn?t mean you can?t go back to the labia. In fact, some of the most intense and effective teasing I experience happens when I think Mr. Austin is going for the goal, but then stops abruptly and goes back to giving me those softer sensations.
Moving the tongue back to the labia is also a good way to give the clit a break. Sometimes, if mine gets too much stimulation, I have a hard time reaching orgasm. But that doesn?t mean I want to give up on oral sex just yet. Moving the tongue away from my clit is the best compromise: it gives it a rest while still keeping the stimulation going.
When is it enough? When do you know to stop teasing and go for it? This is one of those things that you?ll just know. If you?re paying attention to your partner, it will be obvious.
For Mr. Austin, it?s simple. He waits until I sound like I forgot how to breathe.
There are other big body language cues. She?ll grind your face aggressively. She?ll pull your hair until you get the picture.
Or she?ll just use her words and beg you to finish her off.
But believe me, you?ll know.
Show Her Pussy Some Love
Over the last year, I?ve come to realize just how important it is to explore and experiment during sex.
I?ve always been really playful in the bedroom, but I also assumed there were set moves you had to do and some tried and true ways to get someone off.
I always worried about trying too many new things. I didn?t want to kill the mood if I did something that looked or felt weird. And I didn?t want Mr. Austin to think I didn?t know what I was doing.
Deciding to explore my partner?s body with my hands, fingers, tongue, and lips in whatever way felt natural has been a complete game changer for me.
Having him do the same to me has really changed the game, too.
When he?s going down on me, I don?t feel like he?s just trying to find the easiest way to get me off. I can feel him explore my body. I can?t always predict what he?s doing because he?s not following a formula anymore. And I am here for it.
His oral sex game has always been great, but he?s really levelled up since he stopped treating my labia like just some extra tissue in the way of my clit.
He takes time to touch, kiss, and lick my lips and paying attention to the way I react when he does. And judging by how much time he spends doing it, my reactions have been quite positive.
I live for oral sex. It?s one of my favorite ways to get off. And it?s even better now that my entire pussy is getting love.
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