My breasts got lots of attention, my vagina was a bit jealous.
Photo by M.C. Frances
I met Nate online back when craigslist was still used for dating. He posted an ad under the man seeking woman category, and it caught my eye. I responded, and after a few emails, I agreed to meet him for a drink.
For a first date, I am a fan of coffee or a drink. Something that is quick and can be wrapped up inside of an hour if I?m bored. I don?t like to spend too long chatting online before meeting someone, mostly because I don?t want to sink too much energy into someone who isn?t a good fit. Nate felt the same way.
Nate worked in venture capital and loved the lifestyle it afforded him. He was divorced, and his ex-wife didn?t work, but that didn?t bother Nate at all since she was the primary caretaker of their children. He said he was happy to foot the bills until they were grown. I appreciated that sentiment since I?d found such a thing rare in the post-divorced men I?d dated.
When we met for a drink, it was a crisp winter day, though the temperatures that year had been significantly higher than average. I was able to wear a skirt with boots, sans stockings. When Nate showed up at the bar, he looked, well, like a venture capitalist. He was significantly more polished than the men I?d been dating; I went on a post-divorce bad-boy spree for a bit.
One drink turned into two, and I said I needed to get home. When Nate walked me to my car, he mentioned that he?d like to kiss me. It was in the same tone you might ask someone to pass the butter. There was very little sexual energy in his voice.
I said I?d enjoy that too, and he leaned down to kiss me. Much to my surprise, his arms snaked around my back, and it was of the most intense first kisses I?d ever experienced. His hand traveled up to my hair, and, just before we parted, Nate gave a tug right at the nape of my neck. Just enough to let me know he?d like to do more.
After that, he turned and walked away. I?d learn later that Nate was calculating about everything he did, and that kiss was no exception. He wasn?t calculating in a way that was cold or indifferent, but he did think things through very carefully before making a move. Risk assessment seemed to permeate every area of his life.
I heard from Nate immediately after I got home. He texted to ask when he could see me again, and, smiling at my phone, I shot back that I was free Friday night.
On our second date, Nate and I had dinner; I suppose we both decided that we enjoyed each other?s company. Towards the end of the meal, Nate let me know he was interested in continuing the date elsewhere, and I invited him back to my place.
My apartment at the time was a tiny haven for my boy and I. It wasn?t spectacular, but it was mine, and it had hardwood floors, giant sunfilled windows, a wrap-around porch, and a yard. My landlord had even brought over a playscape for my son.
My divorce was a bit rocky, and I called the police on my ex more than once. Nate had heard the basic story, and, when he walked into my apartment, he inspected the locks.
He told me that I needed deadbolts on the doors and that the locks and chains my landlord had installed were not enough. The neighborhood was safe, but my ex was unstable. I conceded the point and sent my landlord a text.
Nate asked to use the restroom, and I pointed the way. He came out and asked me to show him around the basement. Nate said that my hot water was turned up way too hot for my son. He couldn?t turn off the risk assessment. I assured him that I was familiar with how to adjust a water heater, and tried to redirect the flow of conversation.
Nate laughed and nodded, then apologized for not assuming I was capable. We grabbed a drink and migrated to the couch. After a bit more conversation, Nate moved in for another of his kisses. The hand in the hair thing makes me melt every damn time, and he was an expert at it.
Nate pulled back, ?I think it?s time for us to have a conversation.?
?Okay, what type of conversation?? I asked.
?You need to know what I?m into sexually before we take this any further,? I was still relatively green and had no idea where he was going with this, ?I?m into being dominant. I like being able to tell my partner what to do during sex and know that she?ll do it without question. I?ll always have your safety in mind, and I?ll take good care of you, but I don?t enjoy vanilla sex.?
I?d had an experience with a dominant friend, whom I still saw on occasion. I understood where he was going with this conversation.
I Wanted Him to Use Me
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I let Nate know that I understood the dom/sub dynamic, but that I wasn?t sure that was the type of relationship I wanted. I told him that I was exploring things for the first time as an adult, and wasn?t sure if that?s where I?d land sexually.
?For now, then, I?d like to stick to fooling around, maybe some oral, but nothing penetrative. I need to know that you?re all in before we go there,? Nate said while gazing into my eyes.
At this point, I was wholly spun up from our make-out session, and I wasn?t comprehending his words. It took me a minute before I was able to respond.
After verifying what he was up for that evening, I agreed that we could take penetration off the table. Nate offered to use a vibrator on me, but since I was still figuring out my sexuality at the time, I wasn?t super comfortable with that.
That night, Nate and I had a phenomenal time fooling around with each other. We took turns with oral and were both able to achieve orgasm a few times.
Once, as he was using his fingers to send me over the edge, oh look of pure excitement crossed his face. He bent his head to my breasts and began to lick around my nipples, teasing me before cupping my breast in his free hand and sucking on the nipple hard using his teeth to add a bit of friction that drove me wild.
Once I came down from my orgasm, Nate just sat there staring at me.
?What?s going on?? I asked him.
?You didn?t tell me you were still nursing your kid,? Nate was still staring at me.
?I didn?t realize that that was something I needed to disclose on a second date,? I replied.
?When you orgasmed, your breast leaked,? Nate pointed at my bare nipple, and I looked down, notice some milk residue left behind.
I covered my face with my hands as the color rose in my cheeks. I hadn?t realized what was happening, and to my knowledge, it hadn?t happened before. I suppose I may have leaked every time I came, and I just hadn?t noticed.
Nick continued, though, and his reaction surprised me, ?I have always wanted to do that,? he said, ?I always wanted to know what it would taste like. It makes you this ultimate feminine form,? Nate traced his fingers over my collarbone, then ran a hand through his hair, ?That was hot as hell.?
I still wasn?t entirely sure what to do with his reaction, but I was at least willing to look at him.
The next time we got together was a Wednesday afternoon. I had a random day off of work, and Nate asked to see me. Before I headed out to meet him, I got a text requesting that I wear a button-down shirt and a bra that could unhook for nursing.
I could?ve let this be a turn-off. I wasn?t really into the whole lactation fetish thing, but I do always try to be game for whatever someone I?m with wants to try. It wasn?t hurting anybody, so I don?t see the harm in trying something out. Besides, I like dominant men, and I was trying to figure out exactly how much I enjoyed them.
I showed up at Nate?s place that afternoon wearing a pencil skirt, a striped button-down shirt, and the requested bra. After greeting me properly at the door, Nate sat in an armchair and looked at me in a way that made me feel completely naked even though I was still fully clothed.
?Unbutton your shirt,? Nate demanded.
With my eyes on his, I unbuttoned my shirt. When I got to waist level, Nate told me to stop.
?Now,? he said, ?unhook your bra.?
I did as he asked, releasing each of my breasts from the lace cups. I was standing there in heels and skirt with my shirt open and my bra unclipped. My breasts were glorious globes, pushed up slightly because of the bra beneath them. My nipples stood alert at the slight chill in the air.
Nate stared at me for a while and then slowly got up from his chair. He took my hand and led me over to take his place. Once I was seated, Nate began to fondle my breasts with both hands. He caressed them gently first, then Nate worshiped them. Slowly, he rolled his fingers over each nipple, squeezing and expressing a bit of milk.
The liquid clearly excited him, and he licked it up hungrily. I can?t really say that this was turning me on, but I liked him, and I didn?t mind the attention. Nate was sure to infuse plenty of kissing and nibbling on my neck into the experience, which made it pleasurable for me.
Within a few minutes, my panties were soaking wet. Keeping one of his hands on my breast, Nate used his other to explore my folds beneath the fabric of my thong.
I had a small orgasm with that technique and began unbuckling Nate?s belt. I took out his cock, which was already throbbing by that point. I bent down to take him into my mouth, and his hands migrated to my hair.
Because of his dominant nature, Nate craved face fucking more than a gentle blowjob. Since my gag reflex is virtually nonexistent, I certainly don?t mind a rough session of mouth fucking.
Nate moved his hands back to my breasts and continued kneading them, rolling his fingers over each nipple. By the time he groaned and filled my mouth with cum, Nate had expressed enough milk from my breasts to soak the front of my shirt.
With a dazed look in his eyes and Nate laid down on the couch. I walked over and leaned down to kiss him.
Nate recoiled, ?I can?t kiss you after I come in your mouth. Would you mind rinsing??
Now, at this point, I know enough about myself sexually that I would just leave if someone said something like this to me. I need kisses more than I need cum in my mouth. Nate was behaving terribly. But, young women aren?t always the brightest in this kind of situation, so I rinsed my mouth out in the bathroom and joined him on the couch.
It became clear that Nate had gotten what he wanted out of the experience and was not interested in reciprocation that day. I borrowed a dry shirt and left.
I wasn?t entirely sure if I had enjoyed the experience, or if I would want to do it again. Eventually, I decided the lactation fetish wasn?t my thing, so I continued to see Nate on a friendship basis for a little while. Still, we never got intimate together again until about six months later.
When I saw Nate again, It was Valentine?s Day. He texted and asked if I had plans, and when I said I didn?t, he asked if I would go out for a drink with him just as friends. We chatted about our kids and caught up on the events of our lives.
Then, he asked me if I was still lactating when I said I was he apologized for getting so weird about it. It had been a long-held fantasy of his that he never thought he?d get to experience. He was grateful I had given him that opportunity free of shame but felt awful that he hadn?t reciprocated in any way.
As we talked that evening, I asked Nate why he was so insistent on not having sex with me until I decided I was ready for the dominant-submissive situation. His answer surprised me and made a lot of sense.
He said I was newly divorced and had seemed somewhat fragile emotionally. He wasn?t wrong about that ? I was both. Since a Dom/Sub relationship requires an extreme level of trust, and a willingness to give over control to another person, Nate wasn?t interested in exploring that with someone who wasn?t wholly stable emotionally.
Nate and I remained friends until a while after I met my husband. He had found someone and was happily dominating her at every opportunity. One night, I had him over.
We had dinner at my place, watched a movie, and shared a drink. I fell asleep on Nate?s shoulder during the film because parenting a toddler is exhausting. When the movie was over, I woke up to Nate, looking at me.
?Sorry I fell asleep,? I yawned and stretched.
?It?s too bad you?re happily dating someone new,? Nate said, his voice a bit husky.
?Why?? I yawned again.
?Because you?re finally comfortable enough around me to let your guard down a bit,? Nate kissed my forehead, and let himself out of my apartment.
A few days later, I received an email from Nate explaining that he couldn?t maintain our friendship because he wanted to be involved with me, and I wasn?t available. I was disappointed but respected his wishes. I haven?t heard from him since, but I imagine he?s enjoying some dungeon activities in between corporate mergers.
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