Photo courtesy: Kinkly
Let?s bring new meaning to the words ?Hunger Games? and talk about some delicious game ideas for orgasm denial, often called tease and denial or edging, which is a great way to work up your sexual appetite.
Orgasm denial can be done by each partner to the other or to yourself. Edging is a form of play that can be intense (hours of play with no orgasm) or light, so you can customize and layer the fun. Add in some rope play or other light bondage (like a silky tie around the wrists) to really take control of your partner?s pleasure. Or cover your partner?s nibbly bits with a chastity cage and guard the key for?hours? Days? Weeks? (More on that in an upcoming post!)
During play, experiment with ways of getting your partner to the edge. Watch your partner?s face and body language. Listen to their breathing. If 9 and 10 are the ?point of no return,? tell them to signal you when they reach a 7 or 8 so you can back down. The Dominant partner, or person acting as the ?Top? in the scene, needs to be accustomed to their partner?s orgasm ?tells? ? signs they are close ? or just like an overeager blackjack player, you?ll bust.
Let the games begin!
Ideas for orgasm denial games and fantasies
If you plan to create a script or just a loose outline of what ideally would happen in the scene, communication is the kinky key.
Discuss words and specifics of the fantasy. The submissive might get even more turned on by begging the Dominant for an orgasm, and the Dominant will know it?s just the part of the game. If this isn?t discussed beforehand and is new to one partner, that could confuse them and derail the scene. Specifics need to be discussed ahead so as not to confuse each other.
Remember when we talked about communication and safe words like red and yellow? If not, no worries! You can read up on what you missed in my previous blog post on orgasm denial.
Talk about options! Does Sting, a believer in Tantra, actually have penetrative sex with his wife, Trudie Styler, for seven full hours? I haven?t been invited to watch, but I?m going to guess ?no?? and so did Sting.
?The idea of tantric sex is a spiritual act,? the musician said. ?I don?t know any purer and better way of expressing a love for another individual than sharing that wonderful, I call it, ?sacrament.? I would stand by it. Not seven hours, but the idea.? Besides, ?Seven hours includes movie and dinner.?
Tossing your lacy panties in his briefcase or sending her a shirtless selfie can start the heatwave before your second cup of coffee. A simple text, such as, ?I can?t wait to taste you,? can send libidos skyrocketing along with the sweet torture of having to wait until the day is done or until the week is over! I?m not saying your clever sexts are equal to a 7th century Hindu or Buddhist mystical text, but there is nothing wrong with a modern flair. (Be sure to check your texts before you hit ?send,? especially when things get hot and heavy. Unless your partner has a specific fetish and ?I?m going to duck your mouth? would be a turn-on.
Get creative in BDSM and kink play and don?t be afraid to experiment with a few techniques before finding one you can?t wait to try again. Denial or permission can be granted by words, touch or even?
Another technique for orgasm denial is counting. The Dominant (teaser) gives the submissive (person being teased) a number, let?s say 50. The Dominant will count backwards from 50 and the submissive is not allowed to come until zero. Counting can really build intensity, because the submissive knows that release is, um, coming, but they have no control of when their dominant partner gets to zero.
Power and control
For many, orgasm denial is about the physical build up and release. For others, the psychological aspect of power, control and giving in is the hotness. A submissive is obedient and will do anything possible to not come until their Dominant gives permission or ?forces? the orgasm. If the submissive isn?t strong enough to hold the orgasm on their own, the Dominant can stop the orgasm mechanically. If the Dominant is sexually arousing the submissive with toys, hands or penetration, they can take measures to ?ruin? the impending orgasm.
The fantasy of being controlled usually drives the intensity of the orgasm, coupled with anticipation and release that typically increases the strength of how the partner experiences the orgasm. A word to the wise: Overdoing it with teasing and excitement can cause overstimulation if it has been repeated too many times. One might not be able to reach orgasm at all until they recover, but all is not lost when the whole point of the game is seeing your lover explode in intensified pleasure. Recovery time varies across individuals, but what is more magical than having the honor or learning something new about your partner, regardless of how long you?ve been together?
(OK, finding a new way to give them an earth-shattering orgasm might be peak magic, but you get the idea)
You don?t have to be in the same room (or country) to deny an orgasm. With a remote control or a smartphone app, you can dash off to the grocery store in a pair of rumbly panties, walk the dog after inserting a Love Egg or go on vacation with a device like We- Vibe?s Sync, which works with the app We-Connect. Not knowing when the vibration will begin, where you?ll be when it happens and how you?ll maintain your composure at your niece?s baby shower or a crowded movie theater will for sure increase the rush of endorphins you feel. It can be exhilarating, like keeping a sexy secret.
Do you really want to torture your submissive? Do you want them to beg you and cry for relief promising you anything under the stars? Then bring them to the edge as many times as you wish and laugh when they ask you to come.
Orgasm denial can be fun, erotic and refresh your sex life. If done right, teasing builds the intensity of the orgasm while extending the length of time and ? often ? the depth of intimacy.
Got more questions on edging? Reach out to me or visit my website.