Dressing Sexy Doesn’t Make Me a Slut

Dressing Sexy Doesn’t Make Me a Slut

how fashion can be sexually empowering for trauma survivors

Image for postCopyright : kiuikson

Women who dress or act sexy are sluts according to my father.

When I became a teenager I was afraid to explore my femininity because of him.

It seems we live in a culture where women are conditioned to be feminine and know their role but yet if we dress ?too sexy? we are shamed and called sluts.

Honestly I have no idea how to be sexy but fashion is one step closer to me finding out.

All my life I heard phrases that made me feel sexually repressed:

Don?t dress like that.

Mothers aren?t allowed to be sexy.

You are asking for it if you wear that out.

As a sexual abuse survivor, my brain is conditioned to feel ashamed about being or dressing sexy.

My father made me feel uncomfortable exploring my sexuality through fashion.

If I wore fitted jeans or a tank top you would hear him make sexual remarks about how my ass looked or how big my breasts wore.

It wasn?t safe to be a woman in front of him.

My teen years were spent wishing my body was invisible and trying to prove that I was nothing of a whore like he shamed me to believe.

After I moved out, I continued to hide my body and femininity.

For years my go-to outfit has been the casual jeans and t-shirt look with a pair of boots that goes with everything.

This outfit feels safe and comfortable.

I never wore shorts because I didn?t want to draw attention to my legs.

I would hide my cleavage by choosing shirts that were flowy and one size bigger.

While the jeans and t-shirt look is comfortable it has started to make me uncomfortable because it just isn?t me.

I don?t think it ever was.

Fashion is a powerful tool of self-expression and has a huge impact on impression from first dates, job interviews, making deals, etc.

If you want to feel a certain way or make a statement you will choose clothes and colors that influence your message and emotions.

Since feeling discomfort around what is in my wardrobe I took it as a sign to venture out and buy myself clothing that makes me feel sexy.

I want to feel and dress sexy.

?To me, any expression that is empowered and is your own as a woman is feminist.? ? Emily Ratajkowski

As I?ve healed the sexual shame I?ve noticed a craving to explore my sexiness.

I expanded my underwear collection and bought lacy panties.

I am actively following sexy female icons who inspire me Jennifer Lopez and Cardi B.

In my head I am a bad bitch that can pole-dance, wear sexy lingerie and not give a damn.

Healing from sexual shame has led me to expand my wardrobe one bodysuit at a time.

When I wear body suits my cleavage is out and my shoulders are bare.

I feel sexy in showing off my skin and curves.

Today as I type this I am wearing a leopard print bodysuit with black leggings.

My fingernails and toes are painted hot pink and I am wearing eyeliner with volumizing mascara.

My panties are hot pink hip huggers so part of my butt cheeks hang out.

These are small but big breakthroughs for me in freedom from sexual shame.

I believe fashion is one powerful tool that can help us heal and reconnect to our inner desires.

It can increase our confidence and boost our self-esteem.

For some women being feminine and sexy comes naturally.

Sexuality is empowering and fashion can help us break through to that.

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