Can You Consent To Blackmail Sex?

Can You Consent To Blackmail Sex?

Two men attempt to redefine their relationship, with an imbalance of power.

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Young, hot married man blackmailed by his best friend into having a torrid affair. It seems like the latest clip from Men.com, but it is actually Del?s real life. But don?t feel sorry for him, as he tells it, he gets to live the best of both worlds without having to worry about the consequences of anything being his choice.

While there is no one name for what Del is experiencing, a generally accepted name is consensual blackmail. In essence, two people agree to an arrangement, where one holds a secret over the other?s head. The one being blackmailed is supposed to get sexual satisfaction from the transaction.

Some argue that it is another aspect of the findom fetish that swept across the sex industry last year. Though there are those that decry that comparison as inaccurate at best and a mischaracterization at worst. Their argument rests on the fact that many of the people who partake in consensual blackmail are not paying their blackmailer money, rather they are being forced into sexual situations.

First Blackmail

?On the spur of the moment, I told him either he fucked me or I was going to let his wife in on his secret.?

Del and his blackmailer, Luc, were best of friends. They had done nearly everything together, including indulging in M/M/F threesomes with Luc?s ex-wife. Though the pair claims they never touched one another, both admitted to being tempted to ?cross the line? with the other during the sexy times. Eventually, Luc?s wife left him and Del?s wife had no desire to be shared between the friends. It seemed as though, their trysts were over.

Until one day, when Luc stumbled upon his buddy?s secret fetish. Del is into anal sex, all kinds of the once forbidden sex. ?There were pictures and clips of men fucking women?s asses, men fucking men. Even one picture of a woman fucking a man?s ass,? Luc explained. He admitted to a stirring in his pants. ?For a while, after I found his stash, I kept wondering if he was fucking (his wife?s) ass or if she was pegging him. When I thought about him being penetrated, I shot my load almost instantly.?

After a night of drinking, Luc confessed to Del that he found the stash of porn. Then he asked some inappropriate questions about the sex life between Del and his wife. When Del demurred, Luc pushed his line of questioning. Finally, it came out that the sex life between husband and wife was less than ideal, it was practically nonexistent. ?On the spur of the moment, I told him either he fucked me or I was going to let his wife in on his secret.?

Shocked, Del agreed to have sex with his best friend. ?But I let him know, I?m not gay. I was only fucking his ass because he forced me to.? Both men agreed that this was not a gay act, they were just two dudes having sex.

A New Kind Of Relationship

?Please. I don?t want this to stop. I like having sex with you, but I won?t be able to do it if I?m not forced.?

?The first time we had sex was so epic!? Del admits with a shy smile on his face. Rather than feeling like a victim of blackmail, he felt a new kind of sexual pleasure. ?It was like someone had stripped me of my ego and forced me to serve him.?

Even though the first time, Del acted as the top in the sex, he still felt subservient. A dominatrix, who asked not to be named, claims that it?s because he was forced into the scenario by his friend. She said: ?When his friend said ?fuck me or I?m telling? this made him into the sub in the relationship. Many men actually want to be the sub, though not publicly. Straight or gay, that?s why so many appear to be whipped by their partners. And why they come to me or my sisters and brothers. We take charge and force them to act for our pleasure.?

Luc admits that he had been questioning his own sexuality for a while but having his friend inside of him opened his eyes. ?I?m still attracted to women, but I have a preference for men, especially my best friend.? But since a full-on relationship between the two men seems to be out of the question, with (seemingly)incompatible orientations, and Del?s wife around, there had to be a way they could both get what they wanted.

?My solution was to keep blackmailing him. After the stash threat worked twice, I knew I needed something else. Eventually, it would stop working and there was no one else I wanted to explore this part of me with.? To that end, Luc asked Del for permission to record one of their sessions. He admitted that it was with the purpose of future blackmail.

To his astonishment, Del agreed. ?Please. I don?t want this to stop. I like having sex with you, but I won?t be able to do it if I?m not forced.?

Nonconsensual Consent

?Blackmail will do that to a relationship,?

Whenever there is blackmail or anything of the sort involved, there is a level of nonconsent. With Del and Luc, while both say the relationship (such as it were) seems to be beneficial to both parties, there is always the thought that only one side is gaining anything. Del admits, ?There are sometimes when I just hate him. I?ll enter him or vice versa and I just think, he could tell my wife at any point and destroy my world.?

But as Luc points out, ?You agreed to this. You asked me to continue blackmailing you.? And therein lies the issue. While Del consents to the sex, there is a layer of nonconsensual relations or as one psychologist called it, forced consent, which is not a thing. Alexander Cheff says ?In a sexual context there?s no way it can?t be rape.?

Making things a bit murkier though is the fact that Del acknowledged his sex partner was going to use the videos they filmed together to blackmail him and made them anyway. Including a clip with a young, college freshmen, which saw Del and Luc double penetrating the young man. It was after the filming of that clip that Del began saying no to his buddy. The clip was sent to Del?s wife, who immediately filed for divorce.

Ironically, it reignited the passion in the blackmail relationship. But Del still insists that he?s straight and had moved on to a new relationship with a female. But every week is blackmailed, consensually, into having sex with his best friend. Something he says he hopes will last for the rest of his life.

Luc, for his part, seems content with the arrangement. ?I?m getting laid and get to keep my best friend. Even if sometimes things are a bit tense between the men. ?Blackmail will do that to a relationship,? Luc laughs.

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