You accept your faults

I?m an open book

Even if you don?t know me personally, it?s pretty obvious from my online presence. Someone private wouldn?t be willing to divulge the intimate details of their sex life on the internet. Well, not with their name attached at least.

I?m not afraid to speak about things that most people choose to keep to themselves. I?ll tell you about my family problems, finances or anatomical happenings ? basically, there isn?t a lot I won?t share.

For many, this is seen as a bad personality trait and according to them, I should just learn to shut the fuck up and hold a few things to my chest.

Especially when we?re talking about the dating dance ? mystery is queen. We?re supposed to keep ?em guessing because otherwise, it?s no fun and that potential partner is going to lose interest fast.

I get it, if you know everything about someone by the first date, why bother going back?

But, when you?re open and honest, you?re often looked upon as weak. Mainly because you?re willing to share your weaknesses to the world. Something most are desperate to avoid.

Back at school, I essentially gave ammo to all the bullies to take the piss out of me. And while I wasn?t immune to its impact, I?ll tell you something, it?s a lot easier to ignore people judging you for the truth than trying to prove something isn?t true.

When I was 15, it went around the school that I masturbated. I was mocked, laughed at and judged.

It was a horrible few days as those bullies were relentless, but it?s wasn?t untrue and it wasn?t a secret. I was willing to talk about it. That little detail made the whole thing a little more bearable because if I couldn?t handle people hating on who I was, what hope was there?

You see, I understand why people like to put up their defences to the world. It?s a shitty place, filled with shitty people and protecting your feelings can seem like the only way to navigate through your life.

But, for me, I really think that by being vulnerable and opening yourself up to the potential pain of getting your feelings hurt, you can achieve the following things:

By being open to telling strangers the innermost workings of your brain, you?re essentially saying ?please take the piss out of me?. Once you do this, you quickly realise what people don?t like about you and what you need to improve. Either way, it?s easier to admit and accept the bad parts of yourself when you openly welcome criticism.

Personally, I know I talk a lot and I?m really fucking annoying. When people tell me this, they think that it?s going to upset me. However, a simple ?yeah, I know? quickly shuts them up because I?ve taken the weight from their insult and turned it into something positive.

You test relationships early on and save time

When you spend less time pretending to be someone else to attract a partner, you find out quickly whether that person is going to be good in the long term. Take my current relationship for example. My boyfriend has known me for nearly nine years ? we?ve been together for a year and a half. I didn?t really get a chance to woo him with my mystery because he?s seen a 15-year-old version of me (i.e. emotionally unstable and dramatic.)

I know that he is the perfect match for me, because he fell in love with me in spite of all my annoying traits and ?imperfections?, not because I pretended I was a well put together lady.

This works for non-romantic relationships as well, I?ve missed out on plenty of drama and toxic friendships because people decided whether they liked the real me early on.

You make people feel comfortable about awkward things

I like to talk about taboo things. I know that for a lot of people things like sex, finances and relationships can make them feel uncomfortable. But, I know for many more, reading or listening to another person speak about something that they?re going through can make them feel better.

Telling people about getting a condom stuck in me or how I once had chlamydia can prompt a conversation that can reveal that these people have had the same thing happen to them and they felt ashamed. If I can do that for people, then I?m going to keep being unapologetically open.

Look, everyone has different ways of expressing themselves and being a loudmouth isn?t going to work for everyone. But try letting your guard down every now and then. Not only are you likely to learn more about other people, you?ll most definitely learn a lot more about who you really are.

Just to clarify, that rumour spread because someone who I trusted told some assholes, not because I was caught in the toilets or anything.


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