Fellas, we want to hear you
Photo by: Arthur-studio10 / Shutterstock
When I look up people?s complaints about their sex partners, I see a very common trend.
Men don?t want to fuck a woman who just lies there like a starfish.
Women don?t want to fuck a guy who?s quiet during sex.
That makes a lot of sense to me, and I think about it every time I get a pussy massage.
Pussy massages are one of my absolute favorite things. It?s like an orgasmic pampering, where all the attention is focused directly on my body and building up my pleasure.
My husband will slather his hands with plenty of silicone lube and use them to give me the softest, smoothest, and most stimulating touches. His fingers, palms, and knuckles will go to work on me in so many ways I can barely keep track of them all.
And the best part is it can last over half an hour.
It feels incredible.
It also feels like there?s something missing.
That?s because it?s the one sex act he does almost completely quietly.
He?ll check in with me with a few soft words. Sometimes, he?ll let out a quick groan of appreciation.
Otherwise, the only sounds in the room are my moans. Even those aren?t very loud because a pussy massage doesn?t involve intense stimulation ? it?s more like a steady buildup.
Sometimes, I?ll put on music so I can hear Lana Del Rey?s voice instead of the silence.
That missing vocal element is the only downside to a pussy massage. Because hearing a guy get off is incredibly hot, and it can increase my own enjoyment.
It?s not a huge problem. I know that every other time we have sex, there will be more than enough vocalizing.
That wasn?t always the case, though.
A Stoic Fuck
For most of our relationship, my husband was a stoic fuck.
We?d fuck for hours and he would only let out a few grunts and groans when he couldn?t hold them in. But other than the few that slipped through his lips, he was mostly silent.
He knew what he was doing. He could get me off and stay focused on my pleasure points. He seemed like he was in charge and in control of himself. But he didn?t always seem like he was enjoying himself.
It was clear he was having a good time, especially when I had his cock in my mouth. What I mean is that I wasn?t getting any signs that he was losing himself in pleasure. He never let out the kinds of animalistic sounds I did when I was having a great time.
It didn?t help that he?s a delayed ejaculator. It was bad enough that I couldn?t make him come. Not being able to make him moan on top of that made it harder on my self-esteem.
That all changed last year. When he learned how much I enjoy the sounds men make when they?re getting off, he started letting go and being more vocal during sex.
He told me the reason he fucked quietly is because he was too self-conscious to do it any other way. He worried getting noisy would be unappealing, distracting, or a turn off.
It never even occurred to him that women would get off to the sounds a man makes when he?s in pleasure. He knew it was hot when women moaned and came loudly, but he didn?t think the same thing applied to men. He?d never seen men?s sex noises represented as sexy or arousing, so he drew the conclusion that they weren?t.
The thought of vocalizing during sex embarrassed him. He associated them with overly excited teenage boys who had no idea how to keep their chill.
I suspect a lot of guys think that way, and that?s probably why they make an effort to fuck quietly. But it?s bananas because no one wants to be fucking a guy who keeps their chill. That?s not the effect we want to have on them. We want them to lose their minds. We want to know that fucking us is so good they can barely contain themselves.
We don?t just want to give guys pleasure ? we want to hear it.
I Hate to Blame Porn, But?
I?m a fan of porn, and I think it?s mostly done good things for my relationship and my sex life.
But I think it?s sending the wrong message about what women want out of sex. Not just because there isn?t enough focus on clitoral stimulation, but because a lot of porn dudes tend to be very quiet.
I?ve had trouble finding good porn because I want to watch videos where the guy is vocal. He doesn?t even have to be the center of the shot. He can be almost completely off camera (except for his cock), but I at least want to hear him.
I?ve clicked through videos that seemed hot but moved on because the guy wasn?t making enough noise.
It just doesn?t feel like it gives me the full experience. I know the girl I?m watching him fuck has a nice looking pussy. But I want some indication that it feels nice, too.
Back in the day, I used to cave and watch mainstream gonzo porn. You know, Bang Bros and stuff like that. I don?t watch those anymore, and I was never completely into it even when I did. But I kept coming back to them because there was at least a guy dirty talking from behind the camera.
The girl would pose and strip while the off-screen cock would talk about her tits and her ass.
Yeah, it was super objectifying, especially when he talked about her in the third person. But at least it was porn where the guy verbalized some kind of appreciation for the girl he was fucking. So, I?d download that shit once in a while.
And even though Burning Angel was usually too rough for my taste, I?d check it out too because I could always count on Tommy Pistol running his mouth through a scene.
Because I?m always looking for porn with men who express their pleasure, I?m aware of how rare it is.
And I?m sure that?s part of the problem. Men are getting the message from porn that their involvement during sex is purely physical. It?s making quiet men the default.
There?s usually a lot of vocalization, but it?s mostly from the women on screen. So, ironically, that?s probably the one way that focusing on female pleasure actually makes it less interesting for me.
Don?t Hold Back
If you?re deliberately quiet while fucking, do your partner a favor and stop holding back. Because hearing a guy groan and grunt during sex is hot for so many reasons.
Like I said above, it?s really arousing to see someone lose themselves in their pleasure. I love knowing what I?m doing to a guy feels so good he can?t help but let those sounds escape.
Hearing it makes me feel desired, wanted, and attractive.
Those grunts and groans are like non-verbal praise.
I also find vulnerability really sexy (a lot of women do) and a guy who is loud during sex is more attractive than a guy who is being guarded. It shows that you?re not too embarrassed and insecure to show your honest reactions.
Your vocalizations also give us feedback. We?re always listening for reactions during sex. When we?re jerking a guy off, sucking his cock, or riding him cowgirl, we listen for the sounds he makes because we want an indication of what?s working and what isn?t.
That alone is a good reason to be more vocal. If you want your lady to give you more of something, you have to show your appreciation for it. The noises you make are going to guide and encourage her.
It?s also a form of active participation. When I?m the only one making noise, it makes sex feel one-sided. When the guy I?m fucking is matching my vocal energy, it feels like we?re really in it together.
And if I?m going to be honest, I think being quiet during sex is just a little weird. Sex is just so fucking fun. It?s one of the most pleasurable things you can do. It?s kind of odd to be so calm and quiet during something that feels so amazing.
So, when you?re having sex, let yourself feel all those feelings. Express your enjoyment of all that intense pleasure she?s giving you.
Don?t Wait for Her to Ask
Guys being too quiet during sex is a common complaint from women.
It?s probably also why audio porn is becoming so popular ? we?ve gotta get those vocalizations somewhere.
But it?s not an easy thing to talk about. If you?re waiting for your lady to tell you that she wants you to be louder during sex, she probably won?t bring it up.
It took forever for me to talk about it with my husband because asking for him to be louder during sex would have felt like asking him to enjoy it more. Making him moan and groan isn?t something I can expect ? it?s something I have to earn. I have to give him something to moan about.
Plus, I was a little worried that I?d find out the real reason he wasn?t vocal was because I sucked at sex.
So, I never brought it up. And because I never did, he didn?t think I was interested in it.
And that?s one of the reasons I?m writing this. Because your lady probably won?t bring it up either, even if it?s something she really wants.
You can bring it up, though. You can ask her if she finds it hot. You can ask how she would feel if you made more noise during sex.
Or you can just go ahead and be louder. Grunt, groan, and growl your way through sex. Take it from me, she?ll be into it.
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