I found it a little weird at first when several years ago, the woman I was dating asked me to choke her while having sex.
Okay, I lied.
I found it incredibly weird!
I mean, I know everyone has their kicks and I know that everyone is unique, etc. But I?ve got to admit, I?ve been lucky enough to please a lot of women in the bedroom. But I found it just a little strange when this seemingly innocent, warm, generous, beautiful self-respecting woman wanted to be choked.
I mean, I had just never heard of this before and I?m a pretty ?I?ll try anything once? kind of person.
I?m not afraid of sex either. I just don?t want to mix violence with pleasure during sex. So I thought it was weird and a little intimidating at first, but eventually I reasoned? it was what she wanted.
She asked for it more than a few times so eventually I knew I had to get over my fears and insecurities and just do it.
Now, I?m a nice guy and was raised to be a good Italian boy. I was raised in a Catholic home so it was hard to give her what she asked. I could feel my brain melting as she asked for it again and again while I was trying to make love to her.
Look at this boy! He would never hurt anyone!
It was about our fourth time having sex when it happened and the sex was already pretty good between us. I made her a promise that I intended to keep, so I eventually reached for her throat and tightened my grip. I couldn?t even call it choking even though that was she asked me for.
While I couldn?t fully bring myself to give her a full choking, I did my best to tighten my hands around her neck just a little. That seemed to turn her on a thousand times more! I felt the changes in her body language and I felt what could only be described as her ?opening up?.
As odd as it was for me I figured, ?Okay! Phew, I did it? It should be out of her system now.?
The next couple of times, there she was, asking me to choke her. It think she was educating me on something, but I couldn?t see what. It was too busy aggravating me. She was being more powerful than me. She was encouraging me to do it and even though I didn?t want to do it, she was calling me out, using my name like a bully calling me out in the schoolyard. (Which was really nerve wracking to me at the time.)
?Why would she do that? Why would she challenge my manhood?? I asked myself. ?I?m a grown man. I treat her right. I know what I?m doing in the bedroom. Why would she want me to choke her?? I realized later after our next couple of sexual encounters, that it was a masculine/feminine power dynamic. She was interested in pushing me over the edge. She wanted to take me somewhere, and show me that edge. Powerful.
Either that or?
She didn?t know how to make love and she was only capable of fucking. (My current partner and I distinguish that there is a difference between the two in our Sensational Sex Seminar.)
Anyway, that woman and I didn?t work out and we only dated for several short months. (It wasn?t because of the choking.) Sex was good and that?s the only time I tried to be aggressive and truly embodied my masculinity with her. She was looking to be submissive and wanted me to be aggressive and dominating in the bedroom which was fine. I was a little slow to get it at first but I was open to growing it.
Then a year or so later, I met another girl and it came up again. We were having really good sex and thankfully she was more into making love than the first girl (phew!). We could both fuck AND make love and we had a real relationship that lasted for a year.
It was about three months into the relationship when the sex got really really good. I?m talking really really good. Then at some point while we were doing the other thing aside from making love, she said ?Hurt me!? in a high pitched, oddly sexy, whiny, victim like voice. That again threw me off guard. I didn?t know what to do so I didn?t do anything! I just kept giving it to her. But I did admittedly do it a little bit harder in that moment.
Strangely enough, the demands did not go away! She kept asking me to hurt her, choke her and do very naughty little things to her you know what. In over time, I got progressively more okay with tightening my grip tighter and tighter although it did make me uncomfortable. At times mid choke, it made me feel like I was really going to hurt her (which was still very shocking to my still ?good boy? nature.) I was eventually able to tighten my grip over time and make it stronger and stronger, despite my cultural and familial programming.
I did notice the effects of what I did however.
While sex was already good, I did notice her eyes tended to roll back into her head with pleasure and delight. This was something else!! Something else was at play here. Now, I was really intrigued.
I cant believe this image actually exists. Found it while researching this post. Never mind the weird shape of her nose. I couldn?t get past the first shade.
Find out what happened next in part two of this article here.
