My boyfriend needed to write a PTA scholarship essay. The prompt was, ?Who inspires you?? I decided to write it for him.
This was written to be a scholarship essay ? to be read by suburban middle-aged moms in the PTA.
Imagine them picking this up and looking really confused.
He ended up submitting something else, but this was too good to throw out.
Enjoy, and try to pretend you?re a confused PTA mom as you read this really odd scholarship essay.
In my life, many things have inspired me. Sometimes, they are big things; like the concept of peace and equality. Other times, they are small things; like the smile of a stranger on a New York subway, or a single chocolate sprinkle on my ice cream cone. Other times, and this is the most pertinent of them all, I am inspired by the single most glorious entity crafted by humankind. This sparkling oasis of inspiration is none other than the mysterious, beautiful, and evil team of Wario and Waluigi.
It is common knowledge that Nintendo created Mario and Luigi for their memorable game, Super Mario Brothers. Not as many people are aware of Mario and Luigi?s strange malefactors, Wario and Waluigi. Their names already create an impression; Wario was clearly created by inverting the ?M? in Mario. Yet, this method was directly, lazily, almostly sloppily, carried over into crafting Waluigi?s name. They could have vertically flipped the L in his name to a lowercase ?r? and named him Ruigi, but no: the men and women of Nintendo consciously took this awkward scenic route of Waluigi, just to leave in the ?Wa? syllable which happens to be the noise the two villains constantly make, in times of both happiness and distress.
By design, Waluigi and Wario are the extreme versions of the original characters ? instead of being chubby and thin, they are spherically fat and string-bean skinny. Instead of being Mario red and Luigi green, Wario?s color scheme is yellow and Waluigi dons purple. In terms of color psychology, yellow connotes energy and optimism, and purple is associated with royalty and the bourgeois. These colors are a hilarious contrast from the characters, since these sleazy men are nowhere near optimistic or royal. They?re almost the polar opposite.
It seems that, for these two pathetic middle-aged men, the shared life goal is simply to squash the legacies of Mario and Luigi. This raises so many questions. Does their desire to destroy the original Super Mario Brothers stem from jealousy? Or were they hired as oddly specific assassins, who decided to commit their lives to their mission? And are they, too, brothers, like Luigi and Mario?
If Wario and Waluigi are not related, that means they had found each other. Unless they were genetically engineered to be vessels of hatred for Mario and Luigi, their names were probably not Wario and Waluigi. They were probably two regular men.
If they met, they must have bonded due to their shared obsessive hatred of the Super Mario Brothers, and legally changed their names and bought disparaging outfits just to appear similar to their greatest foes.
Wario on his bike.Waluigi expressing his spicy side.
In fact, besides that hatred, it seems they have nothing else in common. Wario is a rage-a-holic who rides purple-flamed motorcycles and smacks enemies with a square-gloved punch. Waluigi is a hopeless romantic, often bowing theatrically and offering roses to others, and playing tennis. The contrasts in their personalities further complicate the mystery of their friendship, brotherhood, or perhaps even relationship.
Nintendo has never clarified who they are to each other, and likely never will.
Waluigi is definitely the more complex of the two. Earlier I mentioned Waluigi?s romantic behavior. How can a man so fueled by love be so obsessedly driven to hate? And why did he choose Luigi, of all characters? Mario is a world-famous facet of pop culture. Luigi is second rate; though he is known by certain generations, he is undoubtedly a side character. Like Robin without Batman, this mustachioed sidekick would be nothing it if it weren?t for Mario. It makes sense to be jealous of Mario, whose face adorns billboards all over the world. Wario?s obsession is believable. Waluigi?s ? not so. Why does Waluigi commit his life to hating Luigi, a character who isn?t nearly as renowned as Mario? What did Luigi do to fuel a lifelong hatred by a strange skinny man he has never met?
Maybe they have met. In a shocking turn of events, I have reached enlightenment on an unforeseen theory. What if Waluigi was originally Luigi?s biggest fan? He might have devoted his life to worshipping the Italian plumber, and yet Luigi disrespected him. Much like Syndrome, the fanboy-turned-supervillain in Pixar?s The Incredibles, the two fans might have gotten the incorrect response from Mario and Luigi which turned their blind worship into bloodthirsty neverending rage.
Syndrome from The Incredibles.
This theory stands and would explain the many strange behaviors of both Wario and Waluigi. Why else would they be obsessed enough to change their appearance and names, just to mock the original Brothers? Why else would they chase down Mario and Luigi, just to oppose and fight them in many of the Nintendo party games? As the idiom goes; the step from extreme love to extreme hatred is unexpectedly small.
There is nothing more perplexing than Wario and Waluigi?s strange relationship and shared wish to demolish the Super Mario Bros? careers. They inspire me to wake up; they inspire me to see the sunset. Wario and Waluigi inspire me to achieve, succeed, and shoot for the stars.
I could discuss the motives of these two strange men for hours. In fact, I suffer with neverending daydreams of formatting my thoughts into the most inspiring TED Talk of all time.
As I continue through life, I will always hold Wario and Waluigi close to my heart. There is nothing more inspiring than these two sad, strange little men.