What man doesn?t want a bi-curious wife? But before you open that Pandora?s Box (pun intended) ? you better be ready for any eventualities.
Photo by Abo Ngalonkulu on Unsplash
It seems that every man?s fantasy involves two women (or more) at some point in their lives. Even those devoted to their wives and family seem to be irresistibly drawn to the sapphic ?girl-on-girl? experience ? only now they want their wife to be party to it.
Of course, most men want to be part of that all-girl sandwich, too. There is a joke in here somewhere about ?having your cake and eating HER too? but I digress.
Recently I wrote an article for ToplessVegasOnline.com completely outlining our experiences with my bi-curious wife and her exploration into these feelings using a Las Vegas strip club as the venue.
As long and detailed as it is, there is a part of the story left out of that article.
What am I willing to lose so that my wife could have this experience?
My wife is a bit on the repressed side. We?re an older couple and she has had a considerably more ridged upbringing; traditional family life with a religious background. But as the years moved on she started to open up about her feelings and being a ?typical man?, having my wife with another woman appealed to me greatly.
While my own fantasy was important ? I couldn?t imagine living a life that contained and repressed. What if my wife was a lesbian and her marriage to me is simply one that was dictated to her by Christian upbringing? How would I feel if I felt a strong attraction to men and wasn?t ever given the means to explore it?
It took a long time ? but we finally got to a place where we could explore this; in a safe environment, together.
Just happened to be the amazing Palomino Gentlemen?s Club in Las Vegas.
Couples are welcome and encouraged. It?s our favorite spot in Vegas.
That story has already been told but the weeks leading up to it were often a source of concern for me. I spoke to several of my close friends; many of which didn?t feel they could share their wives with anyone ? even another woman.
Can your marriage survive her having a girlfriend on the side?
What if she has an affair with another woman and doesn?t tell you?
What if you go to the club and she hates it ? then resents you?
What if you get a dance at the club and she goes batshit crazy on you (or the stripper) and it damages your relationship?
What if she decides to leave you for another woman?
These are all great questions. The truth is if you plan to let your wife explore, you better be willing to have any of these eventualities come to pass ? and maybe even worse.
Here is how I wrestled with those demons ?
What if you go to the club and she hates it ? then resents you?
What if you get a dance at the club and she goes batshit crazy on you (or the stripper) and it damages your relationship?
The key to making the club visit work was endless communication. Laying out expectations, rules ? then abiding by them, but being willing to be flexible while impassioned in the moment.
The risk was really that she may not be into other women and my fantasies (past, present and future) along with the mystique of ?is she or isn?t she?? (which made a lot of couples? porn viewing fun ) would be gone.
She wanted to go. I wanted to go. We shared a mutual responsibility in the act of going. But our ability to be honest and truthful with each other was the key to avoiding either one of these issues.
Can your marriage survive her having a girlfriend on the side?
No it can?t. I?m a very possessive and jealous man. But I am honest with myself and her. I?m willing to let her do anything she wants to another woman as long as I am there and present (participation may vary).
That keeps it sexual but somewhat impersonal (or even professional). While it isn?t proof against her falling in love with a woman (or out of love with me) ? it seems to be a very cautious if-not-happy medium that I am amiable to.
Things haven?t gotten too crazy yet; I?m just going with my gut on this one.
What if she has an affair with another woman and doesn?t tell you?
This is an absolute possibility. I?m hoping that our honesty continues beyond our initial findings and that if she fell in love with another woman that she would come to me with it.
A secret affair would absolutely devastate me. That isn?t about sex; that?s about trust.
Which leads us to the finale ?
What if she decides to leave you for another woman?
It seems like this could be the worst it could get ? it really isn?t (see above).
Look, I?ve seen many of my friends go through divorces or stay in loveless-bordering-on-abusive marriages. I?ve been divorced myself. I know what it is like. People shouldn?t be miserable or repressed or guilty.
At my age, I?ve learned a few things but one of the most important things is that ?
? life is too damned short to be unhappy.
I don?t consider it ?throwing away? my marriage if my wife is actually a lesbian and needs to spend the rest of her life with a woman. We?ve been married over 20 years and I?m pretty sure I would know by now if she didn?t have at least one foot on my side of the line. You never know, though. People change and you have to be prepared.
However, our happiness is bound together and if she isn?t happy, I can?t be happy either. If she needs to be with a woman ? I can let her go.
Are you willing to lose it all for a trip to the strip club? Share your experiences below.
