A bit of advice to sub-males and more so female key holders that are curious about long term chastity enforcement. How does one get there? Where do you start? What works? What doesn?t?
1. ?Self enforced chastity? loosely translated is a male locking themselves in a chastity device. I?ve come to know this is far more common than you would think. It?s especially common in committed relationships that are ?vanilla? and there?s a lot of fear about discussing this kink with the significant other. How common? About 80% of the men that approach me and ask me to enforce their chastity are in committed relationships. I usually end up helping them and their female partner get together on this in a productive way. The enforced chastity experience is completely different when there is someone else that actually enforces it. Make no mistake, when someone else is in control ? actual control for long periods of time as in weeks, months, years the dynamic quickly becomes very different than role play or a sex game or even longer term self-enforced chastity.
2. Obviously the best key holder is someone that you already have intimacy with but for a lot of want-to-be chastity slaves that?s not going to work either because that topic is untenable (good luck with that) or it?s more satisfying to have someone that has no emotional or personal stake in their chastity enforcement. The latter can be very exciting to some. I?ve only done this with consent of the female significant other and a very explicit understanding of how it?s going to go. This actually has worked for some couples but never in secret. I?ve not had any experience with this for more than four or five months so I cannot say where it will go or how it will evolve. I think the pattern (of three cases) I?ve seen is where the female partner?s mental make up needs some other authority figure to defer to. I?m guessing/hoping that eventually there will not be that need in the future. Things like enforcing the ?rules? and taking the ability to say ?yes and okay? away have helped a lot in the three relationships that work that way. Under no circumstances am I involved anything remotely sexual.
3. I have many thoughts on appropriate devices. I discovered through trial and error, more error than not that the penis is amazingly flexible in a flaccid state. So much so that actually enforcing chastity with a chastity device is not easy. There are only two types that actually will work and be impossible to remove without the consent of the key holder. The first is one with a urethral tube made from steel, not a catheter, just a tube that extends to and better yet a bit behind the ring when assembled. Without it there is no device that cannot be easily removed even if it?s really tight. Sure if you get it tight enough (properly fitted) it may be very difficult/painful to remove the locked assembly from the male?s shaft and testicles but even those are very flexible. Even in that case the shaft and head of the penis can easily be removed while leaving the rest of the chastity device hanging there around the scrotum, once that happens removing it completely is not a hard thing. The other type of device that works is one that locks and is kept in place with one or more piercings. I would not advise starting with this, you?ll definitely end up choosing a different device, different size, different design, very quickly that may even require differing piercings.
4. Long term chastity enforcement takes a while to ease into. I have some recommendations in another essay here on Medium. The bottom line is it will take some time getting the right sized device. Not only is there trial and error associated with this but the easing into it will stop the male?s penis from forever fighting the device with partial erections almost constantly. It needs to settle in over weeks to be ?normal?. Once this happens the penis will also seem to shrink quite a bit. Does it really shrink? Yes and no, without erections constantly stretching it out it will be much smaller over the course of a few weeks or a month. Consider it to be the REAL size of a completely flaccid penis. After that happens and after there?s not constant semi erections you can really start to reduce the size of the device A LOT for longer and longer periods to settle into the ?right size?. The right size is the one that will actually enforce zero erection and maintain a completely flaccid penis. Sure there may be a bit of a chubby but none of that will cause growth inside the device at all. It will happen behind the device but not to the extent that it did with all those devices and rings that were way too big. It will really keep the penis quite small and there will be no room to push it very far from the body. It?s especially important that you go with a ring size that will allow almost no play or pushing forward from the slack in the scrotum. Easing into this will also provide a lot of non-sexual context for inspecting, replacing, and fitting devices. This is part of easing into it as well.
5. Okay, if you?ve done this correctly and by definition you have you?ve now achieved real, enforced, no escape (without industrial tools and possible injury), male chastity. You?ve now locked up a penis and over the course of that easing in period it?s not just some sex-game being played for a moment, an hour, a few hours, or a day. Now what? The short answer is nothing, there?s no big deal on that first day. In fact the male really has no need to know that that was it, no more trials, tests, a few days on, a day off. The only person that knows this particular installation and turn of the key is now as long as you want it to be is the key holder. I?d suggest that you do not make a big deal of it when you decide that ?this is it?, don?t say anything. Play it the exact same way you did last time before you decided the easing in, and playing with different sizes, etc.
6. Time goes by. How long? It probably varies but somewhere after some vague expectation that was set during the easing into chastity period the male will eventually ask about it. It may be direct, it may be subtle, it may be beating around the bush but it will happen. Prior to that there may have been a lot of desire to touch, feel, lick, and generally please the key holder depending on what expectation and rules you set while easing in but there will be that moment where the question comes up ? ?how long?. You may or may not have discussed rules, arrangements, schedules, etc. Forget those except for the rules that the key holder wants. The key holder can make up new rules. All those other things are about a sex game, long term male chastity enforcement is about much much more than a sex game so don?t turn it into one. The answer to how long is ?there is no how long?, you get chastity, that?s it. No schedule, no conditions. I usually have rules and conditions about discussing ?chastity? ? typically no chastity discussions unless I bring them up. What you do is up to you but there?s a big difference between a sex game that involves a chastity device and regular, scheduled, conditional, sex and chastity enforcement. One is not the other and I would not confuse the two. I would hope that all of that would be clear before going down this road. In many cases it was clear to the key holder and the male but no matter how clear the male will probably still look at it as a sex game for some time. This is early on at this point, probably under 2 months. As a key holder turning it into a sex game is not recommended and ultimately my guess as to why other females have me be the key holder (see above).
7. What now? Well for a period of time there?s a 99.99% chance that the locked up male will do just about anything to please you. Good but do not make any sort of ?reward? about release. Let him know when you are pleased and make that a good thing in and of itself. If you want to make some sort of sexual activity part of the reward that?s fine too as long as it suits you ? the key holder. There?s a long but variable amount of time that the locked up male will absolutely love what once was foreplay as a reward, now it?s not foreplay. Make sure he knows that this is a reward and a privilege , not an entitlement. In fact if you are not please never ever go along with any sort of sexual reward. Be explicit about it and put a timeframe or condition on it. I am serious. If hubby/boyfriend loves licking you and you allow that a couple times a week, take it away for a while. How long? make it count vs what you are used to. Never use any part of a sexual activity no matter what it is, even if it?s actually a punishment in your mind, or humiliating to him as a punishment to signal you are displeased. NEVER NEVER EVER.
8. What about punishments? Don?t get too complicated unless you want to. Take privileges away if you are not pleased for any reason. TV, computer, pants, underwear? as in no pants. Seriously, on a Saturday, take them away. Have him answer the door and have to hide behind it. Trust me it will be a punishment. Go out shopping and leave him home with no pants, or better yet drive him around and leave him in the car (weather permitting). Trust me he will be absolutely humiliated and self-conscious about his tiny useless penis. How about a very long time-out in the basement or garage? Again go out shopping or whatever. If you want to make it real make sure he is restrained, nothing dangerous but some cuffs/shackles will do the trick or a steel collar. Whoh, now that?s kinky. Get a big dog cage that doesn?t come apart from the inside. Make him do chores he is normally not responsible for. Spank him, for real, not the playful sexy kind. No need to draw blood it can be very unpleasant without being dangerous. Be creative. If you go so far as any of this kind of punishment ? not just taking away any non-erection centric sexual activity for a time feel free to reward him when it?s over if you feel it?s appropriate. Don?t want to go full bore with the reward? Even better, even if you think it?s a punishment, if it?s sexual at all treat it as a reward. If you are pleased with his behavior without the pants, or on time-out, or after taking the TV away, give him the reward of licking your shoes while you are dressed in something sexy? Go farther? give him the reward of kissing or licking your ass. Try something that?s good with you? turn that into a reward. Give it to him in place of the usual fore-play.
9. At some point there will be frustration that sets in on the male?s part. He may or may not disobey you but you?ll know. What he enjoyed immensely , even for a long time, rewards that to him were ?fore-play? will not pan out into erection, sex, and release. He may even refuse a reward thinking he?s punishing you. Don?t freak out key holder. If he doesn?t want a reward then don?t offer it again, don?t threaten him, be cool. Don?t bring up the reward again. What if he is really pissing you off and displeasing you and acting like a jerk? Try a punishment. What if he refuses? Be cool, be okay. Give him the silent treatment after you tell him how displeased you are. Trust me in a day, or two he?ll be begging to get that reward you offered him a day or two before. He?ll probably even say he?s sorry, he may have even started behaving better than ever. Be cool, don?t just give it to him now. Did he refuse a punishment you tried? Carry it out now, let him know you are still displeased. Whatever reward you offered, downgrade it significantly with something a lot less. Give him a new replacement reward? was it licking you? Allow him to sniff your panties for the next week as a reward instead. When he really is pleasing you with his behavior then give him the reward he really wants and make a big deal of it. Tell him if he doesn?t like it any more you?ll be glad to take it away. This recalcitrant behavior will happen, when? Depends, it may happen more than once, in fact expect it to. It will go away fairly quickly, inside a week at most. Make him remember how unpleasant it was, up the ante on a punishment when he wants to make amends.
10. Here?s the big news and what both males as well as key holding females really want to know. Is it possible to have an orgasm and ejaculate while in chastity? The short answer is YES. This is the place you want to get to and when you do things will change in a large way. Even if this wasn?t a giant long-running sex game to you as a key holder you can be assured in the male?s mind it was for him. Now things are way different, there?s something else to chase that?s not an erection and not some ?unlocked penis? sex, masterbation, whatever. There?s a sort-of-orgasm to chase for the male, a much different orgasm that?s not at all under his control in any way. Unlike erections and orgasms associated with erections, these are not under any direct cause-effect relationship. Especially the first one that?s likely to happen ? the unexpected one that will probably happen while you are granting him the privilege of some sort of sexual contact while locked in chastity. Is it the same as an orgasm he?s used to? Absolutely not, will he forget all about those? Absolutely not but he?ll relish and desire them all the same. No matter if you decide to grant erections and orgasms during erections to your male sub never ever do it before you get to this point. I?d recommend having him chase this new kind instead. This is the beginning of an entirely new relationship dynamic that?s rewarding for you as well as the male in chastity. Okay, now the other-other question? What about pegging? Hmmmm, well that?s up to you as the key holder but it?s a lot of work. If you at all want to do this make sure you do not make this an every day thing for a lot of reasons. What about the male does he get a say?? Only if you want him to have a say. If you want to explore this do not make it a punishment, make it a reward. I?ll follow up on a practical piece on this. If for some reason you want to explore pegging but your male doesn?t want to (very unlikely in my experience) you don?t have to force him, in fact the mere suggestion of it or buying a strap-on and hanging it in the bedroom/bathroom will most likely cause him to eventually ask for it even if he pretends to protest. He may actually want to but ?be forced to?, similar to the situation where I am a key holder for other females, he wants ?no choice?. In that case make it easy for him, take away his other privileges until he at least tries it.