Why aren?t we talking about these more?
Photo by: WAYHOME studio / Shutterstock
I?ve been aware of Ben Wa balls for as long as I can remember, but they only interested me recently.
They were the kind of thing I knew you could buy in sex shops. They might come up in jokes once in a while. But I had no idea what they actually did.
I mean, I knew where you were supposed to insert them, but what did they do? Is it just a weirdly shaped alternative to a dildo?
After my teenage years were over and I got better at googling stuff, I learned that women used them to do kegels and strengthen their pelvic muscles.
?Oh,? I thought, ?so they?re like dumbbells for your pussy.?
And then I read and watched (and re-watched) Fifty Shades Darker. Christian asks Ana to insert a set of Ben Wa balls and keep them in while they attend a ball (so many balls!) For those who aren?t familiar with the book or the film, let?s just say they do a lot more than just strengthen her pelvic floor.
That changed my opinion of them. So, the next time I put in an order for sex toys, I added Ben Wa balls to the shopping cart.
If I could get even half the amount of pleasure and arousal Ana experienced with them, it would be worth the extra shipping cost.
Going from a Two to a Five
When I opened the package, I was surprised at how big they looked in person. As I felt the silicone balls in my hand, I wondered how they could even be comfortable to wear, let alone pleasurable.
Inserting them was a bit difficult, but once I managed to get them in the right spot, they shifted into place and I could leave them in comfortably.
I honestly didn?t expect much from them. I?ve had long periods of low libido (or even no libido) due to chronic illness. I never wanted to stop having sex, but my body just wouldn?t let me get in the mood for it, no matter how hard my mind tried to get it there.
I tried everything to fix this. I even resorted to slathering arousal cream on my privates to see if it would deliver the benefits it promised. Sometimes it felt warm. Sometimes it tingled. But it never made me horny.
I was fully prepared for the Ben Wa balls to give me the same disappointing results.
But I was not at all prepared for how well they worked.
When I first tried them, I?d say I was a two on the horny scale: I wasn?t feeling it, but maybe, just maybe, if I was surprised with enough flowers and chocolates, I might get there.
If the Ben Wa balls worked, I figured they would take me to a three.
They took me to a five.
Walking around with them inside me was so arousing that I wasn?t just down to fuck. I wasn?t just willing to fuck. I needed to be fucked.
I went from being mostly indifferent to completely insatiable. And all I had to do was leave them in me long enough to get there.
It?s hard to describe how it feels to have Ben Wa balls inside me. The best I can do is to say that it makes me feel full.
When I?m sitting or standing still, I can feel them in me. I?m aware that they?re there, but in a very low-key way.
But when I shift my hips or walk around, it?s a whole other story.
When I move and the balls rub together, the sensation is strong. It feels exactly like that breathtaking first penetration when you?re fucking ? except you get to feel it again and again.
I felt like I was constantly on the verge of an orgasm but just couldn?t get over the peak.
Yep, these little silicone balls were edging me.
And so I got hornier and hornier. Until I finally grabbed my laptop and emailed my husband.
I knew he was working. I didn?t care.
I wrote three words ? ?Come here ? now!? ? hit Send and waited impatiently for him to walk into the bedroom.
I left them in, and he didn?t take them out right away. And I?m glad he did, because that made my orgasms stronger. He used his fingers and tongue while they were still inside me and the climaxes were so powerful I had to stop him a few times just so I could calm my breathing and make sure I didn?t hyperventilate.
When we were done, I was spent and so very thoroughly satisfied. And I knew I would be using the Ben Wa balls again very soon.
Why Is No One Talking About These?
It took me so long to learn about what Ben Wa balls really do, and even longer to try them out myself. And I can?t help but feel a little bit cheated.
There?s plenty of awareness about sex toys, but they?re usually limited to dildos, vibrators, and other buzzing stimulators. Those are all great and wonderful and they?ll all take care of you, but none of them will actually arouse you.
I know not everyone has such a powerful experience when trying them, but I?m sure plenty of women would. So why aren?t we talking about these more?
Are we too embarrassed to go into detail about the sensation? Do we feel weird admitting we?re walking around getting stimulated and aroused while doing some household chores?
Or is it because they?re not phallic and we still think of sex in ways that are way too dick-centric?
I don?t know the reason, but from now on, I?m going to tell any woman who wants to listen that she should get some Ben Wa balls and give them a try.
Reminding Myself to Be Horny
I haven?t tried using Ben Wa balls on those days when I am just not feeling it at all. When I am absolutely, completely not horny or interested in sex, I don?t really have the urge to push these inside me and get myself there. (Though I am willing to experiment in the future ? if they took me from a two to a five on the horniness scale, can they also bring me from a one to a five?)
But they?re great for when I have a little inkling of desire and I want to get in the mood and keep myself there.
And that happens pretty often. I often feel like I want sex on some level but my body just isn?t responding to those desires. It?s like I?m mentally and emotionally horny but just can?t bring myself to be physically horny.
These help. They get me to want sex on those days when I want to want sex. Those days used to leave me frustrated, but now I feel like I?ve got an extra trick up my sleeve (how?s that for a euphemism?) that I can use to bring all my desires in line.
Ben Wa balls are also perfect for me because of the cognitive toll my chronic illnesses have on me. I suffer from major brain fog and it makes me so distracted that I sometimes lose my arousal. So, even though I write about sex and more or less constantly think about sex, I often forget that I want to have sex. But when I shift and feel these inside of me, it acts as a little reminder that keeps my libido going.
I keep a vibrator by my bedside and reach for it when I want to have an orgasm. And for a while, I thought it would be the only sex toy I?d need. Ben Wa balls can?t make me climax, but they also remind me that there?s so much more to sex than the big finish.
The arousal that?s so strong it makes us bite our lips is such an important part of sex. So is the pleasure that stimulates all those amazing nerve endings we have all over our bodies. And because of that, this little set of balls that can?t even make me come is my favorite new sex toy.
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