But I don?t want my nipples pinched when I?m asleep
Photo by Victoria Strukovskaya on Unsplash
My ex-boyfriend seduced me by sending me an email. ?THE SEX WOULD BE AMAZING,? he wrote.
Those words were burned into my brain in all caps for two weeks. That was the length of time I held out before taking him up on his offer.
THE SEX WOULD BE AMAZING.
The first time we had sex, it comprised four rounds over the course of three hours. We took a break at the midpoint during which he remained naked except for his glasses and we watched Suze Orman dispense loud financial advice on cable television. The sex was amazing.
The intermission was somewhat strange.
I hesitated to include that last detail. If he somehow reads this story, he will immediately know I was writing about him. After all, how many people take Suze Orman breaks in the midst of a rollicking sex session?
I am hoping the answer is ?not that many.?
It was during this relationship, which ultimately ended after nearly eight years, that I learned nipple play served as a multiplier or intensifier during sex. Yes, I had reached adulthood plus without learning that important fact, but I?ll never unlearn it now.
Being a woman who experiences multiple orgasms is great. Finding out I could climax faster, harder, and more often if my boyfriend sucked one nipple while pinching the other was extraordinary.
I tend to be a bit of an introvert. I am shy about sex, and I am shy about my body. Writing about sex and sexuality makes me appear bold, but it?s easy to hide behind a MacBook and a lot of brave words. When it comes to getting naked beneath the sheets, it takes a lot to make me forget my vulnerabilities.
Stimulating my nipples is the fastest and easiest way to make me forget about whether I have stretch marks on my breasts (I do), or cellulite on my thighs (yes), or jiggly bits on my lower abdomen that I haven?t yet beaten into submission despite daily exercise (guilty as charged).
The closer I get to an orgasm, the less I worry about what my ass looks like in the ceiling mirror above the bed. So I appreciated all the time my ex-boyfriend took to make sure my nipples were adequately adored.
Here?s where the problem started.
Since I enjoyed having my nipples stimulated in the bedroom, my boyfriend decided he should randomly start sneaking around and pinching them suddenly and unannounced at other times ? such as while I was watching television with my eyes closed and drifting off to sleep.
If you?ve never had your nipples unceremoniously tweaked as you were drifting into a peaceful slumber while watching Law & Order then you don?t know what you?re missing. It is one of the worst things I?ve ever experienced.
Having my nipples aggressively pinched when I am not expecting it sends my body into panic mode. I let my partner know multiple times that it was neither sexy nor romantic. Furthermore, his insistence upon continuing to pinch my nipples without my consent constituted assault.
During one sneak attack upon my sensitive nipples, I drew back my hand as if to hit him. I failed to follow through, but I think I would have been justified in defending myself. As I mentioned, he was already on notice that his surprise pinching attacks were unwelcome. It was a specific case of non-consent. If I had punched him in the nose, I believe it would have been self-defense.
My ex-boyfriend?s insistence upon painfully squeezing my nipples during times when he was specifically told not to had the effect of making me not want him to touch me at all. Ever. I eventually ended the relationship, and the deterioration of our sex life was one of many reasons why.
We might still be together if he had respected my wishes. But probably not.