Basically, I?m going to explain what you should and should NOT be talking about with your ex if you want to win them back.
I do want to first warn you though, that you should only be actually having real conversations with your ex if you?ve already gone through a period of ?No Contact?? and really, ideally you only want to be talking to your ex when you?ve planned for it in advance.
So, if you do find yourself chatting with your ex, whether it?s planned or unplanned, here are some topics you can talk about safely:
#1 ? Ask Your Ex Specific, Open-Ended Questions
This is the single best way to ensure you have a conversation that?s positive, upbeat, and interesting to your ex. By asking them specific questions about things in their life or topics of interest, you?re allowing them to share news or updates since the breakup, and you?re avoiding any potentially negative or emotional topics.
Some examples of these specific questions might include stuff like?.
?Are you still applying to new jobs, or have you found something already??
?How?s your thesis paper coming along?
Were you able to land an interview with that biologist??
?I was talking to a friend about New Zealand last night? Are you still thinking about traveling there for a couple of months??
?How are you liking the new car?
Does it still have that ?new car? smell??
Again, these are just a few really generic examples? you can pick any topic that you know is interesting to your ex, and then ask a question that will lead to further conversation, or at the very least something more than a ?yes? or ?no? answer.
Don?t ask about anything that might possibly lead to negative memories or topics, and don?t pick something that seems ?forced?? you want to appear natural, as though you?re asking out of pure curiosity and genuinely interested in the answer.
#2 ? Share Gossip & Updates About Friends or ?Insider? Topics
This is an easy one? sharing news or gossip about people you both know is a great option, especially if you have some news or updates on someone or something that will be of interest to your ex. For example, let?s say that before you broke up, you and your ex had often joked about your permanently-single friend Bob?. maybe you had tried to set Bob up, and his dating failures turned into an inside joke for you and your ex.
If Bob found a girlfriend a few weeks ago, after you and your ex broke up, then you can share that news and talk about this new girl that Bob is with? you?ll obviously know that it?s something your ex would be interested in, and it?s a positive topic that might lead to some laughs and a fun conversation.
It?s also a good way of creating an ?us vs. them? feeling, reminding your ex of the strong connection you used to share and bringing up some positive memories. If you don?t have any updates, you can also ask your ex for updates on something you talked about regularly when you were together?
For instance, you might ask your ex for the latest news on her cousin Jake?s reality TV show? did he end up signing that contract with HBO? Or has he moved on to another cheesy project that?s doomed to fail? Again, just an example, but you can definitely have some fun with this?
The key is to focus on talking about the same things that you did when you were together, making sure that whatever it is you are talking about or asking about is interesting to your ex and won?t lead to any negative or emotional topics.
#3 ? Tell Your Ex About The Great Things That Have Happened In Your Life Since The Breakup
This is by far the best topic of conversation any time you?re chatting with your ex?. Now, you can?t overdo it and come across as though you?re bragging or trying to make your ex jealous, so be careful to remain humble and not drag on too long so that your ex becomes bored.
You can?t spend the whole time talking about yourself, either? but talking about the interesting, exciting things that have happened in your life since the breakup is an ideal way to eat up a few minutes of conversation.
To re-build your ex?s attraction for you ? both emotional physical attraction ? to the point where he or she comes to that decision on their own. And in order to do that, you need to re-shape the mental image that your ex has of you in the back of your mind? one way to do that is to share stories or news about your ?awesome new life? to subconsciously shift your ex?s perception of you from ?clingy and annoying? to ?fun, interesting and desirable?.
There?s many other ways to help change how your ex feels about you beyond this. But like I said, sharing news and especially telling brief interesting or funny stories is an awesome topic of conversation.
For instance ? and this is just a quick example off the top of my head ? maybe you?ve been studying for your private pilot?s license for some time, and you and your ex talked about it many times. After the breakup, you took your first solo flight, and almost crashed because there was a spider in the cockpit.
And of course, since this happened recently, after the breakup, you can tell that story to your ex the first time you meet in person, knowing that it will make them laugh and break the ice. If you don?t have a funny story, then you can talk about how you went skydiving with your friends last weekend, or tell your ex about the hilarious new instructor who has been teaching the karate you recently enrolled in, or whatever just make sure to keep it brief, upbeat or funny, and avoid being boring.
Now, let?s quickly touch on two topics of conversation you need to avoid like the plague any time you?re talking with your ex. The first thing you should never talk about with your ex is your relationship.
Don?t fall into any drama, serious discussions about your past or future together, your breakup, past problems or arguments.Any and all talk should focus on interesting, fun stuff that will make your ex smile, laugh, or spark their curiosity.
That means you should not talk about getting back together, about who you?re currently dating, how you?re feeling about the breakup, etc?. You don?t want to bring up any of that stuff, because 99% of the time those conversations cause more harm than good. And secondly, you also want to avoid any topic that might lead to disagreement or conflict? that means don?t bring up politics if you?ve argued over that in the past, don?t criticize the actions or behaviours of your ex or their friends and family.
And most definitely do not re-hash old problems or disputes from your past relationship. Any conflict or negative vibes are bad news, especially during the first few times you?re talking with your ex, so stay clear of any topic or comment that might lead down that path. So, now you know what to avoid talking about? and you?ve got 3 ideas for creating positive, interesting conversations. Like I said before, you should be employing my other strategies, such as No Contact, before you get to the point where you?re having real conversations with your ex.