It?s so much better now that I?m doing it right
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I used to only masturbate when my husband was out of the house.
Then, he stopped leaving as often. Grad school involved fewer and fewer seminars and more and more independent research, which he did at home.
That cut down on my opportunities to get myself off. At least I still had the times I was supposed to be sleeping. I?d sometimes go for a nap or go to bed early. If I couldn?t fall asleep, my mind would wander. It usually wandered somewhere naughty and I would end up taking care of myself.
But then we had more kids.
Being responsible for a baby, a toddler, and a preschooler all at once was a much bigger wank-block than my work-at-home husband ever could be.
I masturbated less frequently than I wanted to and under some less than ideal conditions. I was sexually frustrated and only ever had a short window to give myself some relief.
When I had a chance to get away for a few minutes, I would lock the bedroom door, grab my vibrator, shove it in my pants, and lie on my stomach and hope to hell I wouldn?t get interrupted.
If I was lucky, I?d have enough time to give myself an orgasm. Often, though, I?d hear a kid run up the stairs, the baby would wake up from her nap, or Mr. Austin would be rustling about a little too much and I?d panic, put the vibrator away, and try to compose myself.
When I did manage to get myself off, the orgasms were decent and satisfying (my rabbit never lets me down). It was enough to deal with the pent up sexual tension I had.
What I didn?t realize is that I had fallen into such a masturbation rut. Always the same, always simple, and always quick.
I had no idea it could be so much better than that, and I wouldn?t find out until I opened up to my husband about my masturbation habits.
I kept it from him mostly out of embarrassment. I didn?t mind admitting that I masturbated, but I felt weird admitting that I had just masturbated or was about to masturbate or that I did it when I was supposed to be napping.
It was just one of those awkward things we never talked about. But keeping it a secret meant I almost never got to do it.
Opening up about it has given me a lot more opportunities to get myself off. Sometimes, we?ll do it together, but often, I?ll just tell him I?m locking the door and he?ll do his best to keep the kids reasonably quiet even though he?s seriously outnumbered.
There?s no rush anymore. I get to take as much time as I want. That?s made a much bigger difference than I expected. Getting myself off isn?t just easier now, it?s also more enjoyable, more sensual, and the payoff is always bigger.
Sticking a vibrator down my pants is still an efficient way to have fun, but it?s just one of the ways I pleasure myself now. I have the space to explore different ways of getting off.
I used to think that masturbation was kind of obvious. If you had two fingers or a vibrator, you could figure it out without a guide or any advice. And yeah, I was masturbating just fine back then. But now I know there are a lot of things I can do to enhance the experience.
Here are some of the things that have improved my masturbation routine.
Make Sure You Have the Privacy You Need
You don?t want to spend the entire time you?re rubbing one out feeling nervous that you?ll get caught.
If you don?t have a lock on your door, get one. The house I live in has vintage door knobs that don?t lock, so I bought a babyproofing strap to keep it securely shut when I?m fucking (myself or my husband).
If you?re worried about someone hearing you, play some music. Make a playlist of music you don?t find too distracting but that?s loud enough to cover the noises you?re going to make.
And if you have to be a little less discreet, ask for some alone time. If you?re really open with your roommates or your partner, you can just say you?re going to have a bit of ?self-care? and ask to be left alone for a while. If you don?t want to be so candid, just fake a yawn and say you?re going for a nap.
And if you really have to, you might have to do it in the bath or shower. If you do, invest in a massaging showerhead ? it?s worth it.
Dim the Lights or Light Candles
I like to set a bit of atmosphere by pulling the blinds down and turning off the lights. For some late night jilling off, lighting some sex candles would probably be the better option.
Setting the atmosphere helps you get in the mood and puts you in the right headspace to give yourself some sensual self-love instead of just jilling off as quickly as you can. It also makes a ritual out of it, which can help you slip into the right mental state.
Changing the atmosphere is a really good way to keep you from getting distracted by intrusive thoughts, too. It helps me get out of mom mode and slip into sex mode so I can focus on what I?m doing without worrying about anything else.
Get a Fantasy Going
When I used to rush through masturbation, I would make it all about the physical sensations and the release I got from it. But there?s a big mental component to really satisfying pleasure and strong orgasms. So, make sure you get set up with something to get horny over.
Give yourself time to come up with a fantasy before you get started. Really walk yourself through it. Reading erotica or watching porn are great ways to do this, especially if you?re a more visual lady (and let?s face it, sometimes you?re just too tired to come up with your own scenario).
I like to draw on my spank bank, too. If you?ve got some hot memories, replaying them on loop can be enough to intensify your arousal.
I was late to the party on this one. Until this year, I never used lube while masturbating. I never had to use it, so I figured there was no point in using it.
I know. I was really misguided.
Now, I use lube every time I get myself off ? silicone lube if I?m just using fingers, and a water-based or water and silicone hybrid lube if I?m using toys. It makes me more sensitive to my touch or to the toys I use. It enhances the sensations and I need a lighter touch to get off.
Build Up to Your Orgasm
If you just go for the goal, your orgasm won?t be as strong or as satisfying as it could be. Just because you?re alone it doesn?t mean you can?t build anticipation and increase your arousal.
Start with gentle and lighter stimulation and work your way up to the more intense stuff.
I don?t exactly have a set routine, but once I lock the door and get my lube and toys, I?ll take my bottoms off and get settled. My shirt tends to stay on, but I will tug my tits out if I really want to romance myself with some nipple stimulation.
I?ll stroke my thighs, inching closer to my pussy. I?ll tease my slit by running my fingertips up and down the length of it. I?ll take a moment to feel my heat.
Then I?ll gently spread my lips and rub around my clit, but I won?t give it any direct contact yet.
That?s when the lube usually comes in. Once I?ve made things even slicker than they already were, I?ll glide my fingers over my clit.
When I?m getting really hot, I?ll grab whatever toy I?m playing with that day and go to town with it.
Even then I make sure I?m not rushing. I take my time and really feel everything. I?ll let my climax come naturally.
I know how to give myself an orgasm quickly, but I always have a much better time if I slow everything down and pace myself.
Try Different Positions
Different positions will help you rub, vibe, or penetrate yourself at different angles. They can also put more pressure on your hand or your toy to switch up the kind of stimulation you?re getting.
I mostly use the same two masturbation positions. I?ll start on my back but I?ll always flip over onto my stomach when I?m ready for my last orgasm (or orgasms).
You can also try getting yourself off on your knees or while you?re lying on your side. If you do some anal play while masturbating, I?ve read that going face down, ass up is a really good way to do that.
I sometimes like to use my phone?s camera to get a look at what?s going on between my legs when I?m masturbating. In part, it?s a learning opportunity. Seeing exactly what you?re doing can help you discover exactly what you like and what feels good. Then, you can pass that information on to whoever is fingering you or going down on you.
It?s also a surprising turn-on. I can?t exactly explain why, but watching my pussy get touched and vibed (even if it?s by me) made me feel hotter.
Play with Your Fingers
There are different ways to play with yourself, and it feels really good to use all of them. Give yourself time to stroke in different patterns. Play with your labia. Move your fingers up and down your slit or slide them from side to side. Do circular motions around your clit or use a few fingers at a time to scratch it like a record.
Try Different Toys
When I started using sex toys, I stuck to the same type of bullet vibrator every time. Whenever I needed to replace one, I would just buy the same exact style.
Eventually, I branched out, and I?m glad I did. I tried some things that didn?t work ? like the time I got a clit sucking toy and realized it?s not my jam at all. But I also found toys that blew my fucking mind. There?s a reason I?ve kept the same rabbit vibrator in my nightstand for years.
You can also use more than one in a single session. Sometimes, I?ll fuck myself with a G-spot stimulator, but I know I?m going to need something that works on my clit to finish with. Giving myself different kinds of stimulation helps me enjoy more of my body and can also prolong the fun.
Give Yourself a Blended Orgasm
A lot of women can get multiple types of orgasm. We hear a lot about clitoral and G-spot orgasms, but there are also nipple orgasms, anal orgasms, and some more unusual ones like coming from getting squeezed.
You can work those different types of orgasm into your solo play by giving yourself blended orgasms. Basically, those are orgasms that you get from multiple types of stimulation at once. They?re usually more intense and it?s a lot of fun to try out all the different ways you can make yourself come.
And even if you can only climax from clitoral stimulation, you can still give yourself blended orgasms. Even if they don?t make you come on their own, rubbing your G-spot, pinching your nipples, or playing with a butt plug while you?re pleasuring your clit can still give you a more powerful finish.
Get Someone Else Involved
If you?ve got the right partner, friend, or even some stranger from Reddit to do it with, you don?t have to masturbate alone. If you?re in the same room, you can do some mutual masturbation. If not, you can have cybersex or phone sex.
Inviting someone else into your solo play makes it naughtier and really takes the whole experience up a few notches.
In person or over cam, you?ll have some great visuals and some really sexy audio to get yourself off to. It?s even better than porn.
Explore and Experiment
Don?t just stick to what works. Keep things fresh and try different things. If you?re lucky, you?ll discover something new that gets you off really well. If not, you?ll still be working your way up to a better orgasm by essentially teasing yourself with all the other stuff you?re trying.
Masturbation should never get routine and boring. That?s why experimenting isn?t just for couples. Do what you can to keep the flame alive with yourself.
Take Your Pleasure Seriously
Once I got married and had kids, I stopped putting a lot of thought into my masturbation. I just waited until I had time to do it and went for what I knew would work best. I wasn?t taking my pleasure seriously.
Don?t treat masturbation as something less important than sex or as an extra that doesn?t really count. Yeah, I?ll often pick sex over masturbation, but I?m glad that I?m finally prioritizing my own pleasure.
I love knowing I can just make myself feel good, with no shame, no embarrassment, and no rush. It?s a powerful feeling. And it?s more rewarding than half the other shit I do when I have time to kill, so why not light some candles, grab the lube, and show myself a really good time?
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