Don?t just jump into bed with him. Here?s how to make him respect you and want to spend more time with you.
Photo by Cihan Soysakal at Unsplash
It?s frustrating as a gay man to have a crush on another guy who doesn?t like you back.
As a gay friend of mine told me long ago, ?Here?s the deal. That guy you have a crush on is one of three things. Straight and not interested. Gay and not interested. Or gay and interested. The odds are not in your favor.?
Yes, the odds are not in your favor, and that?s the sad truth of gay dating. Thankfully online dating has definitely helped with that most important matter of figuring out if the guy is straight or gay. That?s not as much an issue today as it was fifteen years ago, when I started going on dates with men.
But gay dating is still a tricky business. Because so many guys out there just want to have sex, and fewer want to actually get to know you and potentially build a relationship with you.
This is not to say that going to bed with your gay crush is the worst thing in the world ? it definitely is not ? but what happens when you have a crush on another guy you desperately want to like you back?
You can?t force another guy to like you. The sooner you learn that truth the better.
But here are some tips about how to present your best self to that guy in the hopes he might like you back.
1. Don?t come off as needy and aggressive.
One of the worst things you can do in the face of your gay crush is be too needy and aggressive. To be a total psycho.
I was this way with way too many guys in my early twenties, and it wasn?t until a few guys acted this way to me that I realized how much of a turnoff it is.
It?s one thing to show you?re interested in him, but once you start calling and texting every day, once you keep shoving yourself in front of him at every possible moment, he?s going to look in the other direction.
You want to show interest. You want to not be invisible.
But stay chill. Don?t go crazy. Going crazy will not get you anywhere with your crush.
2. Let him know what your dreams and passions are.
There are few things more attractive than a person who has dreams, passions, and ambition. A person who?s going somewhere and has an intense drive inside of him to do something special with his life.
You?ll never come off as attractive to your crush if you don?t make it known early on what you?re interested in and who you want to be.
Your crush will respect you if you talk about the dreams you have and how you intend to pull them off. Even if your crush isn?t super attracted to you physically, that attraction might grow if he feels emboldened by your enthusiasm and your goals.
You don?t want to just always talk about yourself, remember that. But if you come off as indifferent and bland, as someone who has no interests in anything, your crush will likely find his company elsewhere.
3. Show off your sense of humor.
It?s kind of a cliche, but it?s true ? if you can make your crush laugh, that?s always a good start to having him like you back.
I?ve been on a lot of dates in my time, and one of the first things that always attracted me to another guy was his ability to make me laugh. If he had a wicked sense of humor right up my alley, I was putty in his hand.
It?s important to be serious at times, especially when you?re discussing things like your dreams and passions, and you don?t want to try too hard to make him laugh. Trying too hard might actually work against you.
Just be natural about it. Try to find the humor in as many situations as you can and show off that humor to your crush. If you get him to laugh, you?re on the right track.
4. Play hard to get, especially when it comes to sex.
One of the worst things you can do is jump into bed with your crush. Take it from me ? jumping into bed with your crush too soon never ends well.
Sure, you can have an amazing night you?ll remember for many years to come.
But most likely if you jump into bed too soon, you?ll never see him again. It?s sad but true.
Having sex too early will often make your crush lose all respect for you, and worse, all those days and nights you could have potentially spent with him in the future are now gone forever.
You don?t want to wait six months to have sex if your crush is into you. None of us can wait that long, of course. But delay it if you can. Make him work for it. Play a little hard to get when you see the first signs of him being into you.
Play hard to get for at least a little while, and amazing things can happen.
5. Be yourself and no one else.
Ultimately you have to be yourself. You can?t be someone else in the face of your crush, even if you think doing so will make him like you more.
If you be yourself and no one else in front of your crush and he doesn?t like you back? Then that?s on him. Trying to be someone else isn?t going to help your cause, especially in the long run.
The truth of the matter is that your crush isn?t worth it if he doesn?t come to respect the person you are. As cute as he may be, and yes, oftentimes your crush is the cutest thing in the universe, he?s not worth it in the end if he doesn?t appreciate you for who you are.
So show off your personality, be genuine, have fun. If you don?t click with the guy you?re crushing on now, most likely you?ll click with the next one. Or the one after that.
No matter what happens, you?ll find the crush who likes you back eventually. And what a lucky guy he?ll be.