Treat her like a snack
Photo by: Dean Drobot / Shutterstock
The best people I?ve slept with weren?t the ones with the biggest dicks or the ones who could fuck the longest. They were always the ones who ate me out with gusto.
Having a guy make me come with his tongue was a revelation. In the few brief minutes it took to get me there, I discovered that oral wasn?t like anything else I had ever experienced.
It could make me come the way fingers did, but getting there felt so much better. And it felt incredibly intimate.
I?d been fingered. I?d been fucked. But nothing made me feel closer and more connected than having someone?s mouth on my pussy.
That?s a big part of what makes it an essential skill for anyone who wants to get women off.
Because if you can fuck a woman really well, you might get her off and give her an amazing orgasm. But if you eat her out like you mean it, you?ll make her feel loved.
That became especially clear to me recently when I gave up on receiving oral.
That wasn?t the goal at all. But I wanted to experiment with ways to achieve stronger, better orgasms.
I could get off easily when I had sex with my husband, but by the time we were almost done I would struggle to reach the epic orgasms I like to finish on.
I realized that the lengthy, intense, and continuous stimulation my clit was getting was the problem. My clit got so numb that it was almost desensitized by the time it was her turn to shine.
So, I asked my husband to ease off on the clit stimulation and to focus on getting me off in different ways.
It worked. I got my strong orgasms back and I didn?t have to fight to get them anymore. But I gave up on the experiment soon after I started it. I loved those easier orgasms, but it wasn?t worth it. I missed getting my pussy eaten.
It didn?t matter how many G-spot orgasms my husband gave me or how many toys he used on me, nothing made up for not feeling his soft, warm, wet tongue.
Giving it up taught me just how important it is to keeping a woman happy and satisfied.
If you want to show your lady a really good time, I highly recommend you go down on her. And if you really want to impress your gal, here are some things that will make it an incredible experience for her.
Give Her the Right Stimulation
The biggest trick to good oral is paying attention to the pressure and the speed of the stimulation you?re giving. Get those two factors right and you?ll take your tongue action from great to amazing.
I can?t tell you exactly how much speed and pressure to use because it needs to be personalized to your lady?s needs. Every woman is different, so you need to pay attention to how she responds to the different kinds of stimulation you give her. Or better yet, straight up ask her what she prefers.
One mistake a lot of guys make is assuming that the stronger and faster the stimulation, the more powerful the orgasm. That?s true for some women, but definitely not all of them. Personally, it?s a slow, gentle tongue that makes me come the hardest.
In general, it?s good to start off soft and slow and build the intensity from there if that?s what works for her.
Know a Few Techniques
The best way to eat pussy is to not think too hard about it ? just stay in the moment, pay attention to the feedback you?re getting from her, and change what you?re doing accordingly.
But it doesn?t hurt to have a few techniques in case you need them or just to keep things interesting.
One popular move is clit sucking. This doesn?t actually do anything for me ? nothing good anyway ? but some women swear by it, so it?s a good one to know.
It?s exactly like it sounds. You press your lips around her clit and suck ? gently at first and then you can go hard if that?s what works for her.
Another simple move that actually does work for me is the Kivin Method. When you?re face-to-face with pussy, your instinct is probably going to be to lick it up and down. The Kivin Method just means going side to side instead.
Sometimes, that can be the perfect way to hit her clit just right.
You can do it by making your tongue go left and right, but that can wear you out after a while. The easiest way to do it is to position yourself so that your lapping motions go across her pussy.
My favorite move by far, though, is circles. That?s it ? just a tongue slowly and steadily circling around my clit.
Out of all these techniques, this is the one that takes the most work. Your tongue can get tired pretty quickly going round and round like that. But it can result in some incredibly long and strong orgasms.
Make Her Feel Your Enthusiasm
Enthusiasm makes any kind of sex better, but it?s even more important when you?re going down on a woman.
Almost all my early experiences with oral ended with me not actually getting any.
There was one boyfriend who asked if I?d like him to go down on me. I bashfully admitted that no one ever had, so I had no idea if I would. I told him I was curious but nervous. Instead of introducing me to the wonders of oral, he quickly replied ?Oh, that?s okay. I don?t need to do it.?
Another boyfriend climbed on top of me and asked if I preferred fingers or tongue. That put me on the spot and made me feel shy, so I said ?I don?t know? (though I very much did know). I was hoping he would reassure me or at least ask me again. Instead, he decided for me and slid his fingers into my underwear.
Those two experiences gave me the message that guys don?t actually like going down on girls. They might do it, but only if you insist. It?s something they?ll do out of a sense of obligation or maybe in the hopes of getting head in return, but not something they enjoy.
Most women have experiences like those. And even when those who don?t will often feel some shame about their bodies.
That makes it hard for her to fully relax, let go, and get more pleasure from you going down on her. You can help her overcome this. And by far the best way to do that is to be so enthusiastic about eating her pussy that she can feel it.
Show your enthusiasm by eating her out eagerly. Devour her pussy instead of licking it timidly.
Moan, groan, and make any sounds that show you?re enjoying yourself almost as much as she is.
And talk dirty to her. Yes, your mouth will be very busy, but taking your lips off her a few times to say something dirty and reassuring can make all the difference.
You don?t need to say a lot. Saying something like ?you taste so fucking good? or ?I couldn?t wait to go down on you? is all it takes. But feel free to improvise. Just say whatever comes to mind as long as it expresses your appreciation for her body, your desire for it, and the pleasure you?re getting out of getting her off.
Use Your Whole Mouth
Your tongue is going to be doing most of the work, but your lips can take part in the fun, too.
Graze your lips against the lips of her pussy. Give soft, wet kisses on her clit.
Using your lips varies the stimulation, gives her different sensations, and helps you tease and build anticipation. But maybe the most important thing it does is give your tongue a break, which is really helpful when you?re starting to get tired and want to keep eating her out.
Use Your Hands, Too
There are so many things you can do with your hands while going down on her that I?m not even sure where to start.
You can convey a lot of passion through your hands. Squeeze her sides. Grab her hips. Grip her thighs and hold them up. Gently push her legs apart. Pull her closer to your face. All of those things will make her feel just how much you want her.
You can (and should) also use your fingers to spread her pussy lips open. That will give your tongue more access to her most sensitive parts, and it will be so much more pleasurable for her that you?ll be able to see it in her reaction.
If she wants the extra stimulation, you can also finger her and rub her G-spot while eating her out. That kind of blended stimulation is just really fucking incredible and can result in orgasms so good they?ll leave her abs sore.
If she?s in the mood for some anal play, you can give her the holy grail of blended stimulation by licking her clit while fingering her pussy with your index and middle fingers and fingering her ass with your pinkie.
If she finds that G-spot stimulation distracts her from the pleasure her clit is getting, you can use your hands to play with her nipples instead. Reach up and give them a rub, a pinch, or a gentle tug.
You don?t really need to use your hands at all to give good oral, but you usually need to if you?re going to give the kind of oral she?ll be tempted to brag about. As much as I love the way a tongue feels against my clit, it?s so much hotter when I?m being touched, too.
The first guy who went down on me was an ex-boyfriend. We decided to have a one-night stand after running into each other at a wedding. To my surprise, he offered to go down on me, which is something he had never done while we were actually dating.
I took him up on his offer and he went at it. He was an incredible kisser so I was confident in his ability to use his mouth. But I wasn?t prepared for just how fucking good it would feel.
I?m not sure if he had great skills or technique, but in that moment, it felt perfect.
Except it only lasted about 45 seconds. After licking my pussy for less than a minute, he took his mouth off me, slipped his cock in me, and fucked me vigorously.
That felt good, too. But I would?ve loved to feel his tongue a lot longer. All I got was a tease and a taste.
When you?re finished going down on your girl, you should leave her wanting more. But it should be because you did an amazing job, not because it was over too quickly.
Take your time. Build things up. Spend enough time between her legs so she can really get off on it.
One common complaint women have is that there?s a big oral gap in their hookups and relationships. They?ll spend anywhere from five to fifteen minutes bobbing their mouths on a cock but they?re lucky if they get two or three minutes of tongue action in return.
Sadly, you often see this in porn, too. Lots of videos have a long, drawn-out blowjob scene ? maybe even more than one. But the pussy eating scene is almost there as a formality. It?s like he?s just trying to get her wet enough to fuck her.
Get inspired by lesbian porn instead. Go as long as they do. Make it one of the main events when you?re having sex.
Camping out between her legs and going for a long time isn?t just a way to prolong her pleasure and increase her odds of having a really good orgasm (from your tongue or from whatever you do to her after), it?s also a really good way to show your enthusiasm. Because you?re going to seem way more into it if you don?t quit soon after you start.
Prop Her Up
One easy hack to make oral more pleasurable for everyone involved is to prop her up by placing a pillow or a wedge under her butt ? if you?re going down on her while she?s lying on her back.
That will tilt her pelvis up a little, which means that you?ll be able to go down on her from a much more comfortable position and you?ll have an easier time getting your tongue exactly where you want it.
It also means that she?ll enjoy it more. There?s something about being propped up at that slight angle that makes it so much better.
Don?t. Fucking. Stop.
When she?s close to her orgasm, you have to help her get over the edge. That?s your time to really shine, but it?s not time to do anything big or showy.
All she needs you to do is to keep giving her the exact same stimulation that got her to the edge. That?s what she needs to tip over into an orgasm.
When she gets to that point, she?ll probably start panting and saying ?don?t stop? over and over. And that?s exactly what you should do.
Don?t kick things into high gear. Don?t ramp up what you?re doing. Don?t go faster or harder. Don?t pull out any new moves.
Just keep steady. Keep going. Don?t change a damn thing.
When she tells you not to stop, it?s because she wants more of the same. So, make sure you give it to her.
Carry Her Through Her Orgasm
Women can experience lots of different kinds of orgasm (I get at least twelve types). Some of them are quick, short bursts of pleasure that are over almost as soon as she comes. But most will last anywhere between ten seconds to a minute or two.
When she comes from oral, assume that she?s having a longer one. And make sure you keep going down on her until it?s over.
She might squirm, she might squeeze her thighs together, she might buck her hips. Those are all involuntary movements. Work with them and keep eating her out.
If you keep going down on her while she?s riding out her orgasm, you can help her prolong it, make her come harder, or even give her a double orgasm, which is one of the best feelings in the world.
You?ll know when she?s had enough. Until she pushes your head away or tells you she?s done, keep going.
Being Dominant While Going Down
I know that some guys see going down on a woman as a submissive act. For subby dudes, that?s no problem at all. But for the guys who are more dominant, that might make them feel a little uncomfortable or make it hard for them to get really enthusiastic about it.
But going down on someone doesn?t have to be a submissive act at all. There are lots of ways to eat someone out while still being the dominant one.
Making oral sex a dominant act is mostly about attitude and mindset. Think of the pleasure as something you?re giving her, not something she?s taking from you. You?re putting her in a vulnerable position and you?re the one in charge of everything that happens ? you get to choose what kind of stimulation you give her, how you use your tongue, and if you pay attention the feedback she gives you can even control the reaction you get from her.
You can get physically dominant, too. Push her down and spread her legs with your hands. Pin her wrists to her sides while you eat her out. Make her open up to you so you can take what you want.
If you want to play with the power dynamic a little more, you can also edge her with your mouth. Get her close to an orgasm then pull back and refuse to let her come until you?ve decided that she?s earned it.
If you?re into dirty talk, you can make her beg for your tongue, beg for an orgasm, or make her say something specific to earn more action from you.
You can also make her extra submissive by working some bondage into it. Blindfold and handcuff her before you go down on her. Use restraints to keep her legs spread open. Or have her put her face down and her ass up, tie her hands together behind her knees, and eat her out from behind.
Or you can just take a page from the sensual doms and just lead her through the experience as an act of caring domination.
There are a lot of ingredients to mind-blowing, bedsheet-gripping, come-tastic oral sex.
There?s some skill and technique involved. Experience counts, too. And getting to learn your partner?s body over time helps.
But nothing matters more than just plain loving it.
Eating her out like her pussy is dessert is going to make you ten times better at it than someone who treats it like a chore.
If you follow the tips I?ve given you here and get really into it, you?ll have everything you need to eat her out so she?ll be begging for more.
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