It?s more than just a slow handjob
Photo by: oneinchpunch / Shutterstock
I recently discovered the joys of pussy massages. They?re so great, I?ve asked my husband if I could get one every week.
Naturally, it got me wondering if I could repay him the favor.
Is there such a thing as a penis massage?
Well, as it turns out, there is, and it?s a really enjoyable thing to give (and from what I hear, really nice on the receiving end, too).
Like pussy massages, a lot of resources out there are from tantric practitioners. Some of them have useful tips, but all the talk of chakras and redistributing energy didn?t really appeal to me. So, I thought it might be useful to write about penis massages purely with the intention of making your partner feel good.
It?s Not Just a Slow Handjob
A penis massage is different than a handjob.
It?s slower and more sensual, for one thing.
It?s also got a different intent. The point of a penis massage isn?t to act as foreplay and it?s not to make your partner come.
The massage itself is the point ? you?re just giving him an enjoyable experience.
It also comes with no expectation of reciprocation. When I?m giving Mr. Austin a handjob, his hands (or mouth) are usually on me. But when I?m giving him a penis massage, it?s all about him. He can just lie back and enjoy.
There are also no expectations. The penis will do whatever it does. If it comes early, it comes early. If it doesn?t come at all, it doesn?t come. If it goes soft or doesn?t get erect, that?s fine too. Your partner can just relax and not worry about all of the performance anxieties he might normally have.
Penis Massage Basics
Find a position that?s comfortable for both of you. If your muscles get tired or sore, you?ll start looking forward to the massage being over, and that?s the wrong mindset to be in.
I was most comfortable sitting off the edge of the bed, with Mr. Austin lying next to me. But any position that feels good and gives you easy access to your partner?s cock will work.
If you need to shift positions at any point, that?s okay, too. It kind of interrupts your flow, but it?s better than feeling sore.
Have Plenty of Lube or Oil
You?ll need a lot of lubrication for this kind of massage. Your goal is to minimize friction as much as possible. Some penis massage techniques would probably feel very unpleasant if you did them dry, but they?ll earn you a big thumbs up if you cover your hands and his cock in oil first.
Most of the videos I watched and articles I read recommended using massage oil or softened coconut oil. One website even recommended something called ?goldenrod penis oil? (spoiler alert: it?s coconut oil with a blend of essential oils).
We use sweet almond oil for massages and it works well on Mr. Austin?s dick, too.
I also gave him one with silicone-based lube. I really liked that, but our little 8 oz. bottle was quickly starting to run low (now I totally understand why someone would buy 4 liters of the stuff!)
Saliva can work fine if you?re in a pinch and just giving a quick handjob (though I prefer and highly recommend using lube for those, too!) but it?s just not up to the task for a penis massage. It dries out too quickly and your salivary glands just won?t produce enough of it.
I?d avoid water-based lubes, too. The ones I?ve tried all get tacky soon after applying or absorb too quickly. They?re best suited for sex toys and oral.
And since things are going to get very wet, keep a towel or two nearby. Your hands will practically be dripping and so will your partner?s pelvis. So, make sure you can wipe up conveniently.
Set a Timer
For a pussy massage, I recommended setting a 60 minute timer. That?s because you?ll spend a good portion of that time building up to rubbing the vulva.
You don?t need quite as much prep for a penis massage. You can start massaging the cock right away. So, set a timer for at least 30 minutes (though some people recommend 40).
I?m not trying to cheat anyone out of their fun, though. That?s just a minimum to ensure that your partner gets to relax deeply and have a good time that doesn?t feel like it?s been cut too short. But there?s no limit. You can go for the whole hour if you want ? hell, you can do two if you?ve both got the stamina.
Explore the Penis
A penis massage should be slow and sensual ? you?re going at shoulder rub speed, not jerk off speed.
You should take your time to explore your partner?s body. Get familiar with every ridge and curve. See how he reacts when you touch him in a certain spot or in a certain way.
I started with just the tips of my fingers, touching and tracing around Mr. Austin?s cock and only gradually worked in more thorough types of touch.
The Whole Package
Yep, like almost every article you?ve ever read about touching a penis, this one advises you to pay attention to the balls, too.
To simplify things, think of the penis as having four separate parts. The scrotum, the shaft, the head, and the frenulum (that?s the little bit of tissue at the base of the head, on the underside of the penis ? if you never noticed it before, you will during a penis massage).
Your massage should cover all four parts and cover them more than once.
You Can Use Toys
Not every guy uses sex toys, but if your partner is comfortable with it, you can use sleeves and masturbators to give extra sensations. And some of those sensations can be pretty intense.
You can alternate between a sleeve and your hand, or you can switch to a sleeve to finish things off. They?re really comfortable to hold and use, so it?s perfect even for marathon sessions like these.
Check in Regularly
Not all penises are the same. Some are more sensitive than others. You need to make sure that what you?re doing is actually pleasant and pleasurable for your partner.
He might not enjoy you applying any pressure to his balls, for instance, or he might not like a particular technique you try.
Whether you ask verbally or just look for his reactions, keep checking in with him throughout the massage.
Go Up to the Edge
Pay attention to your partner?s breathing, to his muscles tensing, to his moaning and groaning. If you think he?s about to come, pull back from what you?re doing.
Instead of making him come, stroke his balls until he comes down from it. If even that?s too much, you can rub his thighs for a few moments.
Once he?s relaxed, you can resume the massage, and repeat the same thing if you sense him coming close to an orgasm again. This builds up anticipation and if he does come, it will be even more pleasurable for him.
It Doesn?t Have to End with Come
We didn?t have to worry about what to do about orgasms because Mr. Austin is very much a delayed ejaculator. Our penis massages aren?t enough to make him come.
But for most couples, edging is tricky. Without a lot of practice, it can be easy to miss the mark and not pull back soon enough. So, what do you do if your partner comes before the end of the penis massage?
Well, it depends. Some guys like having their dicks touched (or sucked, or whatever) after they come. They?re extra sensitive and they can enjoy the heightened sensation. For others, though, it?s just too much ? I?ve even read some guys who said it feels painful to be touched after they come.
So, ask your partner. If he wants to keep going, go ahead and keep massaging him (remember, it?s okay if he goes soft).
If he wants to stop, you can give him a rain check and see if you can go for the full 30 minutes another day.
Pussy massage and penis massages aren?t about the end goal.
But come on. You spend 30, 60, or more minutes touching your partner?s privates and you?re just not going to get him off?
When I get a pussy massage, I?m ready to ask Mr. Austin to finish me off if he hasn?t already by the end of it.
Why waste all that edging when it could give you an explosive finish?
If your partner hasn?t come by the end of the massage, ask him if he wants to. If he does, pull out your best handjob (or blowjob, or fucking) skills and watch what it?s like for him to come after such a long buildup.
Try Different Techniques
I don?t want to be prescriptive with techniques. One of the fun things about giving a penis massage is that I didn?t have to worry about using all the right moves. I could just try out all sorts of different things.
Keep switching things up, but also return to the same techniques a few times. You want to give your partner a variety of sensations and give both of you the opportunity to see how everything feels.
I tried a few different things with Mr. Austin. Some of them I got from watching cock worship videos, some from instructional articles, and some I pulled from my previous handjob experience.
I started with very gentle touches, softly running my fingertips up and down Mr. Austin?s shaft before moving up to his head.
I then worked in some long strokes. I moved my well-lubricated hands from the balls up to the head and back again, applying very little pressure each time.
I rubbed his frenulum with my thumbs so he could focus only on what that sensation felt like, without me touching any other part of him.
After that, I turned my hand upside down, grabbed the base of his shaft and moved my hand up his cock.
I also poured some oil in my palm and grabbed the base of his shaft while I rubbed my palm all over the head of his cock.
Then, I tried a few methods I learned through blog posts and videos, like the corkscrew technique. That one involved wrapping my fingers around the base of his head and twisting while pulling my hand away.
Then there was something I?ve seen referred to as the firestarter, and it?s exactly what it sounds like. You place your palms on the sides of the shaft and move them in opposite directions ? just like you were trying to start a fire with a stick. (See what I meant about some moves definitely needing lube?)
And of course, I played with his balls and threw in some classic handjob strokes to round things out.
But again, just have fun. Play around. Invent your own techniques. It?s all going to feel good, and your partner can veto anything that doesn?t.
What It?s Like Giving a Penis Massage
I knew Mr. Austin would enjoy getting a penis massage and I?d love giving him one, too. But there were a lot of nice things about it that I hadn?t predicted.
For one thing, it helped me up my handjob game. There are a lot of strokes I want to try out when I?m jerking him off, but let?s just say I?m not gifted with a whole lot of grace and coordination. And I might be in my early 30s but I deal with arthritis ? it?s mostly in remission but my wrists are still kind of shoddy. Going slow helped me try out some more complicated moves that I can then speed up and apply to handjobs.
All the oil and lube were really nice, too. I love the tactile sensation I got from rubbing slicked up skin. I?d probably even give a penis massage just for that reason.
The tone and vibe were also quite different than they are when we?re fucking or I?m trying to get him off. It was pleasantly relaxed. I could just immerse myself in what I was doing without worrying about what comes next (or who comes next). It was super intimate and I felt really bonded after doing it.
And best of all, I got to really focus on Mr. Austin?s pleasure.
I love watching him enjoy himself, and now I could do that without any distractions whatsoever. In that way, it was a lot more like cock worship than a handjob. I could see how he responded to all the ways I touched him, which both aroused me and gave me a little sense of pride.
If you haven?t tried a penis massage, I highly recommend it. It?s sensual, relaxing, and romantic. You?ll learn more about your partner?s body, learn a few new ways to give him pleasure, and you?ll feel closer to each other once it?s over.
Or, at the very least, he?ll get his lubed-up cock stroked for 30 minutes and you?ll have one grateful guy on your hands. That alone is a good reason to give it a go.
A good sleeve or stroker can really enhance a penis massage. If you want to treat your guy, I highly recommend this Fleshlight that my husband and I both loved using. That?s an affiliate link ? if you click on it and purchase anything from the site, I earn a small commission and you?ll be supporting my work. ?
Let?s keep in touch! Sign up for my weekly newsletter (I won?t send you anything without your enthusiastic consent!)
? If you liked this post, you might also love: