It?s a numbers game
It?s really not as hard as you think and your chances of getting the number improve if you ask for it bearing in mind this one principle:
?So what?s your number??
Have a purpose behind getting the number
Fundamentally you want to get her number for a reason, not so you can add it to your collection. If you?d just met her in person it makes sense to ask for the number as it allows you to meet up again or continue chatting with her. Seeing as you?ve just matched her on Tinder, she already has a direct line of communication with you ? Tinder! Which allows her to unmatch you with one tap if she decides she doesn?t like you or you creep her out. Her number is a more permanent direct line to her so she?ll be hesitant to give it out so easily. Asking for her number for a reason will make her more likely to give it to you.
Backed by research
Also, research has shown that giving reasons when making requests increases the compliance rate. For example, Ellen Langer, a Psychologist at the Psychological Department at Harvard University, conducted an experiment in the 1970s, which involved people queuing in an office to use a copier. She got an actor to repeatedly try to cut in at the front of the line while giving different excuses. When he said ?Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the photocopier?? he was allowed to cut in 60% of the time. However, when he added ??because I am in a rush? his success rate jumped up to 94%. When he instead added ?because I need some copies?, his success rate was 93%! Even though everyone in the queue obviously needed to make some copies as well. What Langer deduced is that people are more likely to agree to do something if you give them a reason.
My best two reasons to ask for her number
Having said that, what reasons could you provide her for getting her number? Well I?ve gotchu bro, the two best and genuine reasons I?ve used to ask for a phone number are as follows:
- You?ve already set up a date with her so want to message and call her when meeting up.
- Because Tinder messaging is buggy
Asking for the number after setting up a date
This is the best time to ask for her number, as it makes sense so you won?t encounter much resistance. You?ve just set up the date and most likely will need to call each other when you meet up to let each other know when you?ve arrived. So once you?ve set up the date, simply ask ?what?s your phone number? Mine is??, and add your number, she?ll then tell you hers. In going first and giving her your number you?re more likely to get compliance. And the fact that you?ve just given her your number makes it seem like it?s really casual to you.
Asking for the number because Tinder messaging is buggy
Compared to other apps messaging on Tinder is about as reliable as dodgy Wi-Fi connection (no offense devs, sort it out will ya?). So I prefer to message on Whatsapp, which also has so many more messaging options.
Say ?Tinder doesn?t always notify me, so I keep missing messages. Let?s message on Whatsapp. It?s way more reliable for me. What?s your phone number? Mine is [your number]? Of course you should actually have Whatsapp installed.
Have a bit of bants
Before saying this, make sure that you have allowed her to get familiar with you and she?s in a good mood. Say it at a high point of a conversation i.e. you?ve been flirting back and forth, or you?ve made her laugh or teased her a little bit. You may have also sent her a funny meme. If you?re having a boring, logical, conversation, she may wonder why she should give you her number, but if you?re having a fun conversation she?ll be more complicit.
She?ll then give you her number, copy it and add her to contacts, and immediately send her a whatsapp message saying ?Hi it?s [Your name]?. Wait for her to add you, and reply, then just continue the conversation on WhatsApp. You may want to unmatch her from Tinder now, but leave it a day or two so she doesn?t notice. This makes it less awkward if things develop down the line and she sees that you?re still galavanting around on Tinder. It also makes it harder to track your movements, trust me, women do this.
What if she says no?
If she doesn?t want to give you her number, then she?s not comfortable enough with you yet. That?s cool. Fall back, and continue to chat with her as if nothing?s happened. Then ask again later after setting up a date.
A great thing about WhatsApp is you can see her profile pic, so you know it?s definitely her and not some random guy named Bob. You can send each other pictures, and audio messages so she can put a voice to the face, and build up anticipation for when she finally meets you. Also, you can see when she?s been online last so you know if she?s been ignoring your messages. But really don?t get too caught up about that sort of thing.
What if she?s not on WhatApp?
If she says she?s not on WhatsApp, just say cool I?ll text you instead, and then immediately text her saying ?hi it?s [your name]?.
Always message her immediately either by text or whatsapp as she has the phone in her hand at that point, so she?ll reply and get some buy in. If you leave it till later, she might be doing something else at the time and may not reply, or save your number, which breaks up the flow of the conversation, and makes it more complicated to transition from tinder to other messaging.
Gauge how interested she is
Also, You can use asking for her number as a test of compliance. If she gives it to you she?s more likely to say yes to other things. If she says no, she?s not quite there yet, and you?ll need to fall back, get her more comfortable with you, get a bit of bants going, and sub-communicate that there won?t be a downside, and she?ll give it to you when you ask again. Asking for the number can also be a litmus test to see if she?s going to waste your time.
And there you have it, two techniques that I use to get a woman?s phone number on Tinder. It?s really not such a big deal when you think about it. Make it make sense, and give her a reason and she will be more likely to give you her digits. Have fun. I mentioned allowing her to get comfortable with you before doing this, and doing this at a high point. Let me know if you?d like to see articles on how to do this and how to set up for the date.
How do you ask for a number on Tinder? Do you have any constructive feedback about this article? I?d love to hear from you. Comment below.
Langer, E., Blank, A., & Chanowitz, B. (1978). The mindlessness of Ostensibly Thoughtful Action: The Role of ?Placebic? Information in Interpersonal Interaction. Journal ofPersonality and Social Psychology, 36(6), 635?642.