I love anal, but if you want my butt, you must first earn my trust.
Photo by raj jariwala on Unsplash
I?m in no position to ever shame a woman for her sexual choices. As long as she consents to an activity, she?s free to enjoy her body as she pleases. Women have different boundaries and limitations when it comes to sex, myself included.
I may be one of the most sexually liberated women around, but I still have things I will and won?t do. One thing I won?t do is have anal sex on the first date, especially if my date demands it.
Don?t get me wrong ? I love anal sex. My anus is so sensitive, I gush wetness when it?s licked. I love to have a finger in my butt while a man pleasures my clitoris. I especially love it when I?m coming.
I?m able to have what I call an ?ass-gasm.? When something is inside my butt and I orgasm, my anus contracts wildly around that thing.
It feels amazing. I?m a bonafide anal queen ? but even as a butt-love connoisseur, it?s still a privilege to fuck my ass.
I only give my butt to men I trust. That trust must be earned.
This is why, when a man insisted I have anal sex with him on our first date, I refused.
Sure, he was wealthy, handsome and French. He was one of the classiest men I?d ever met.
Then he did something utterly classless. He didn?t just ask for anal sex on our first date ? he demanded it.
No thanks.
I need to get to know a man first to trust him enough to give him my ass.
Edouard and I met at a party. After the party, a group of us went out to eat. Edouard made sure he sat next to me in the late-night diner. He flirted with me the whole time.
I gave him my number. He called the next day. We made a date to meet. He told me to pick a restaurant, any restaurant. Jokingly I chose the most expensive restaurant in town. Not joking, he assented.
I was excited to be treated like I was so special. I wore my sexiest black dress for the date. At dinner, Edouard spoiled me with fine wine and delicious food. All through dinner, he bestowed compliments on me.
In retrospect, I see he just wanted control.
I?m not judging women who love anal sex so much they?ll have it on the first date.
For me, I need to get to know a man first to trust him enough to give him my ass.
And if he wants my butt, he needs to be respectful ? not just expect I?ll give it to him.
A woman is allowed to have boundaries. She?s allowed to say no to certain activities.
I?ve tried to see if there was a reason Edouard thought I?d have anal sex on our first date. Maybe I came off as weak.
I was much younger at that point and not used to being around men as sophisticated as Edouard. Maybe he thought I was a pushover.
Or maybe I gave him the idea that I was up for anything sexually. I didn?t hide how turned-on he made me feel. I wanted to go to bed with him. I just didn?t want to have anal sex.
A woman is allowed to have boundaries. She?s allowed to say no to certain activities.
She?s even allowed to stop sex with a man once it?s started. I love what Amber Rose once said about the issue:
?If I?m laying down with a man, butt-naked, and his condom is on, and I say, ?You know what? No. I don?t want to do this. I changed my mind,? that means no.?
I concur. Even if a woman is nude and about to have sex with a man, if she decides she no longer wants it, that?s her right.
In my case, Edouard and I didn?t even make it to his bed.
He wanted to start with anal.
As much as I love anal sex, it?s a highly personal activity that a man must earn over time.
After dinner, we went back to his place. Edouard said he had champagne. The champagne was warm. With that, our date went downhill.
He?d been hitting home runs all night. I was dying to strip down and have sex with him.
I kissed him passionately. He returned my kisses with much less intensity.
?Take off your clothes,? he ordered. ?Bend over the couch. Put your ass in the air.?
I stared at him in shock. Sure, I was into role-playing but he hadn?t asked if I was up for it.
I hadn?t consented to be spoken to that way. Maybe something got lost in the translation. No, his English was fine. Besides, it was his tone that disturbed me.
?I think we should get to know each other first,? I said, hoping to diffuse the situation. I wanted to return to just kissing. Was I wrong to hope we?d actually make it to his bedroom to have sex?
?I think I should fuck your ass now,? he responded.
Maybe he thought because he?d bought me an expensive dinner, he could speak to me however he wanted.
?I want to fuck your ass. Go to the couch and bend over.?
No foreplay. He?d hardly kissed me. Now he was demanding my butt?
How did he go from being such a gentleman to being such a pig? He disappointed me, but I was also thankful he?d shown me his true colors early.
As much as I love anal sex, it?s a highly personal activity that a man must earn over time.
And if a man wants anal, he must first treat me with respect.
I took leave of Edouard right then and there, and I never saw him again.
