Go FOLK Yourself, Ted Nugent!
PICTURED: A Microphone, Shortly Before It Committed Suicide (RIP Shure SM-58)
?He?s not good enough and he never will be ? a hack player and no singer at all.? Nugent ?could not write a decent song if his life depended on it.?
? David Crosby
Forget politics.
Also, forget the fact that Ted Nugent is best described as a ?child rapist?, or ?pedophile?, simply because he spent a lot of his life raping children. For example, Ted Nugent raped Courtney Love when she was 12 years old. Rest assured that many girls, as children, experienced Ted Nugent YEARS before ever experiencing puberty. This is public knowledge, which Ted Nugent admits to, on film, in a documentary readily seen on YouTube, leading some to ask ?Well, why isn?t he in prison?? And the answer to that question is: ?F*****D if I know!?
All that aside, Ted Nugent is miffed that he?s not in the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame, (an honor usually bestowed to FAMOUS people who have something to do with music).
To be more accurate, Ted Nugent is not only miffed that he?s not in the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame, but he?s vexed too! And perturbed! He?s also: irked, piqued, nettled, displeased, disgruntled, upset, put-off, grumbled, bristled, hemorrhoidal, enraged, inflamed, and infuriated that he?s not in the R&RHoF.
Sigh.
Oh, Ted? I absolutely agree that Janet Jackson has exactly as much business being in the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame as Jackson Pollock does, or Reggie Jackson does, or Calvin Jackson the serial killer does. None of the above should be in the RRHoF. It?s silly, and Janet Jackson being in a ROCK & ROLL Hall of Fame is also silly. NO ONE IN ROCK AND ROLL was EVER influenced by Janet Jackson. Curt Kobain never said ?Oh, it was Janet Jackson that made me pick up a guitar and stirred my longing for music. I saw her on ?Good Times?, and just knew there was a musical genius of untold masterful rock amazement?.
BUT THAT?S YOU TOO TED!!!
No one sane, or not mocking you, that became a famous and non-suck-ass rock act was ever influenced by you. The ?Tell? is the ?non-suck-ass? part. Also, no one ever said publicly ?if there was no Ted Nugent there would be no ?me??? except, you know, all those kids you raped, oh, rest assured you were a HUGE INFLUENCE on THEM? but no one else in Rock & Roll.
This is because your music sucks in ways that defy all logic and science but somehow goes past where it would suck so bad it would be amusing, all the way back around to where your music is just sad and not in any good way.
You have exactly ONE song that anyone knows the name of and no one ever cared about. Cat Scratch Fever. Now, I?m sure some Nugent fans will read this and say ? ?what about ?Bla blah blah? and ?That Other One?, and his show-stopping ?Whatever That Is?, and to them I say ? read my words but DO pretend you?re reading my lips when I say ?One song?.
I?m INTO music and ROCK of that era. I can say I?m more well informed about such things than 70% of the population. I grew up in that era. I know of one Ted Nugent song. And that song sucks a GIANT bag of ass and washes it down with blue toilet bowl water.
SO, TED ? Let?s look at your career.
- You started out by opening up for KISS. You were that dude trying to play music in front of 20,000 kids screaming ?WE WANT KISS!!?, and maybe 12 kids in that 20,000 weren?t screaming for you to ?stop playing and die?, so they can see KISS. ? And while KISS WAS a hard band to open for? it wasn?t a problem for Cheap Trick, or AC/DC, or Judas Priest, or RUSH, or Iron Maiden, and that?s because all those dudes belong in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
- You release your stupid drivel ?Cat Scratch Fever? song, which due to vast amounts of cocaine being traded for airplay to radio DJ?s by your record company, becomes a MINOR hit. You start to play stadiums.
- Fast forward, like a year later and you?re already bottoming out, and not drawing flies. Happened to the Bay City Rollers. They also don?t belong in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
So, VERY impressive. You also had maybe one hit song in the 80?s with Damn Yankees, a band you were in that had that one hit song ? DESPITE the inclusion of Ted Nugent. You put a guitar solo on that song as a contribution. It was fine. Just as good as 120,000 session guitarists could have done. Bravo.
NOW let?s look at your contemporaries. The dudes and dude-ettes who were popular around the same time as you, except, you know,? before and after you too?
- KISS. In the R&RHoF. And they ABSOLUTELY SHOULD BE. They weren?t the Beatles? they weren?t even the Rutles? BUT they were INSANELY INFLUENTIAL, ask almost any rock star that came up after. They were also visually innovative and had genuine moments of brilliance, but? just? not in a row.
- Aerosmith & Cheap Trick. Yes, of course. A LOT of Beatle DNA in those bands, but they added their own spin. Same as the FABS did to the music they grew up with.
- Black Sabbath, Deep Purple, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Ramones, Blondie, The Runaways, Van Halen, etc? Eight yeses right there Ted. ARE YOU STARTING TO SEE A PATTERN?
See, there were a LOT of 70?s bands around and MANY OF THEM (kind of almost ALL of them)? deserve to be in the RRoH. You?re the odd man out.
I can turn on any classic rock station in America, and hear ALL those bands in rotation and zero to nothing Ted Nugent music. This, Ted ? is NOT because of POLITICS. It is because radio stations want people to listen to what they?re playing without turning off their radios, or changing the station. You have a smaller following than any other major act I can think of, or know the name of. Your music excited almost no one. It?s the lesser version of everything else that was available at the time. The fact that ANYONE knows who you are, is due to some truly deft moves by whoever your former record company was.
I hope this helps you get over this, so you can go about your business saying, and doing, idiotic things in public, in lieu of being in prison where you belong.
Would like you to find a human being? and believe them when they say Ted Nugent should not be in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame? I would love to witness that exchange. You would see a person almost melt with guilt because you know they are lying. ? Ted Nugent
And rest assured, despite your profoundly idiotic statement challenging anyone to say you don?t belong in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame? I feel no ?guilt? because I am absolutely not ?lying?. I truly and deeply feel you suck in ways that cause vacuum cleaners to develop inferiority complexes.
I ALWAYS felt this way about your music. Before I knew what ?left and right?, or ?liberal or conservative? even was, I knew your music was dreary and unexciting, unimportant, and uneventful. Substandard in every way. AND, just to give you some perspective on this, I?ll remind you ? I LIKED KISS!
Written by Steven W. Rouach
2018 SWRouach
