This is Miriam Esther Goldman. Her biggest non-toku fandoms are L. Frank Baum?s Oz books, the Love Live! anime franchise, and Major League Baseball (go Astros!). She?s a nerdy lesbian who likes takoyaki, toy hunting, and making friends with animalkind. If she were a Power Ranger, she?d be a yellow ranger. Gimme dat curry!
This is Scott Scarlett Kluger. Their biggest non-toku fandoms are The Devil?s Carnival movie, the Jeeves and Wooster stories, the Azumanga Daioh manga and anime, and symphonic metal music. They are a genderfluid, poly, panromantic asexual who loves matcha, making music, and going on extensive rants about their many passions. If they were a Power Ranger, they would be a Green Ranger (despite the sheer amount of black clothing in their closet)
Miriam: Power Rangers is a popular American television program mostly aimed at children. You could have put that modifier ?mostly? almost anywhere in that sentence.
Scott Scarlett: Mostly American. Mostly aimed at children. Mostly popular. (but fuck Mighty Morphin.)
MEG: The actual popular series. Which we both are kind of down on right now.
SSK: You?ll have to forgive me for being a bitter Time Force fan.
MEG: Good thing this is a ranking of Rangers? hotness/physical attractiveness, not the actual quality of the shows.
SSK: This is very true. Though I still expect a lot of conflicting opinion, given how different our taste in people are.
MEG: Is. But yeah. Power Rangers is a popular American show aimed at children. That hasn?t stopped them, from the show?s inception, from pretty consistently casting incredibly attractive people of both genders that Hollywood think exist.
SSK: I can rant about the gender binary any day of the week. But I?ll save that for another blog.
MEG: Can we just establish that Luka is totally nonbinary? Because she is. Hence the skirted mansuits.
SSK: That same logic can be applied to Joe in reverse. And I?ll take that. Pan and poly Gokaigers. We?ve established this.
MEG: Yeah, but Power Rangers list. Sorry for the digression. Sentai actors would blow these whitebread noobs out of the water.
SSK: Now, now. They?re both incredibly attractive groups in their own ways.
MEG: True dat.
SSK: Let?s get crackin?.
THE CHICKS
Kimberly
SSK: Highly overrated. Like, possible one of the most overrated Ranger beauties on this list.
MEG: I disagree. Those dimples are lesbian crack. I can?t get enough!
SSK: I never got it! I never saw it! I never saw it when I was growing up, and I don?t see it now! The fandom loves her, for God knows what reason. She?s shallow, she?s annoying, she doesn?t- just- ugh-
MEG: Shh, shh. Dimples.
SSK: I?m chalking this one up to just Mighty Morphin nostalgia fans overblowing her because she was the first and no one likes Trini.
MEG: To my great shame, I think they?re both suuuuper hot. Kim is way near the top of the list for me. But I?m no nostalgia f ? ? .
SSK: I don?t know. I mean, Kim?s not unattractive, just that both inside and out there are waay better women on this list.
MEG: I kinda won?t argue there.
Trini
MEG: I?m not going to lie. In her Ranger Wiki picture, she looks like a Kamen Rider in drag.
SSK: Not that there?s anything wrong with looking like a Kamen Rider in drag. *cough* GRIDON *cough*
MEG: She isn?t super hot, but she?s really attractive. Even if she delivers her lines like a preschooler requesting more apple juice, sometimes.
SSK: Yeah, that?s one of my big issues. For me, personality is a big component with who or what I see as attractive, and Trini just had none.
MEG: Her personality was SABERTOOTH TIGER.
SSK: Yeah? I feel like the only thing I have to say before we move on is, RIP Thuy Trang. She died on my ninth birthday.
MEG: Your birthday present is one less hot person that helped tiny Mirkat discover her sexuality. *blows imaginary noisemaker* Happy birthmas.
Aisha
SSK: Speaking of yellow rangers with no personality, Aisha didn?t have much more to speak of than her predecessor, Trini. Unfortunately, she doesn?t have the looks to compensate.
MEG: Not yet, anyway.
SSK: It?s true. Karan Ashley did grow into one of the most attractive rangers, post-her time on the show. But talking about during her time on the show, she hadn?t grown into her beauty, yet.
MEG: We?re in pretty much total agreement here. I was across the room from Karan Ashley at Victoria Comic-Con in 2016, and was pretty blown away by how well she?d aged. She looked better then than in 1994. BUT that has literally no bearing on this list.
SSK: I feel like that?s? all I have to say about Aisha. She didn?t have more personality than Trini. She hadn?t grown into her beauty yet, but, now, holy crap!
MEG: She did wear overalls on the show. It was pretty funny. I mean, so did Kim, but? Holy cats, they look terrible. You gotta lose some hotness points for ?90s-mom-jean overalls.
Katherine
MEG: Wow. Kat is a babe and a half. Move over, Farrah Fawcett.
SSK: Yeah. She?s miles ahead of Kimberly in literally every aspect.
MEG: Lemme ask you this. Does she have dimples that make you want to bathe in the purest river and give over all your worldly vices to be with this holy angel?
SSK: No, but? Katherine?s warm smile and? how do I describe her eyes? Her alluring eyes really help sweeten the deal. Plus, as we all know, I like tall women, and Katherine is like a head and a half taller than Kimberly.
MEG: I think they?re comparably hot. But that?s saying something given how much I love hot blondes. Rawr, Katherine. Rawr.
Tanya:
SSK: Tanya?s another one who?s not unattractive, but nothing to write home about.
MEG: She?s not exactly my type, but she?s beautiful.
SSK: For sure.
MEG: She looks more competent than Aisha. That with-it warrior vibe is kind of working for me.
SSK: Yeah, Tanya?s one of those who, like Kat, can pull off the serious, intense look in combat, and then be totally warm and gentle, out of combat.
MEG: That sounds pretty nice. How?d you like to get a rubdown from Tanya after a long fight?
SSK: I would prefer my massage come from Katie from Time Force. Her super strength is among the only forces in the universe that can handle my knotted up back.
MEG: Eh, I?d personally rather give Tanya the massage, myself. Her shoulders are amazing!
SSK: They are something, alright. Let?s move on!
Ashley
MEG: She kind of looks like Denise Richards.
SSK: And considering how attractive people find Denise Richards, I?ll take that as a ringing endorsement.
MEG: Sort of. I think of Denise Richards as the second-hottest girl in Starship Troopers. I named a computer after the first-hottest.
SSK: Well, Ashley is, unfortunately, the second hottest girl in her group of rangers, because she has to compete with freaking Cassie Chan.
MEG: Very few can compete with Cassie Chan when it comes to hotness.
SSK: I think on most other Power Ranger teams, Ashley would stand out more as being insanely hot.
MEG: Agreed.
Cassie
SSK: Turbo was my first ever Power Rangers series, so Cassie was the first pink ranger I saw. And for a really long time, when I was a teenager, I thought Cassie was the single hottest Power Ranger of all time.
MEG: To be fair, she?s way up there. My first was Mighty Morphin, btdubs.
SSK: And the thing that makes Cassie stand out from the other Zordon era female rangers is her attitude. She?s not a girly girl, she?s not a ballerina or a gymnast or any form of dancer. She?s a snarky martial artist and punk musician who, in a show full of badasses, stands out for being that much more badass.
MEG: Really, they finally let a female ranger be characterized like the guys.
SSK: Pretty much. They already had Ashley to round out the girly girl quotient, so Cassie could do whatever she wants. And to me, that?s attractive.
MEG: That and her freaking face. Because, you know. Congratulations on that, ma?am.
SSK: Can?t argue with you there.
MEG: Also, she only got hotter. See her appearance in Super Megaforce, like, wow.
SSK: I don?t think she got significantly hotter, because she was already insanely hot to begin with. There wasn?t much room to grow there.
MEG: I?ve seen how celestial bodies work and let me tell you buddy, she?d be a blue dwarf right now if she were a sun.
Maya
MEG: Maya is so remarkable for her shoulders that they put them in the goddamn wiki photo!
SSK: She does have nice shoulders. And hair. And her face. She?s just really cute.
MEG: And thanks to Not Another Teen Movie, I know she has nice everything else, too. Buuuuut, that sadly has no bearing on this list.
SSK: I just wish she had been given better characterization. Lost Galaxy didn?t do a good job of fleshing out most of its characters. It was too focused on its aesthetic.
MEG: Which it yoinked from Starship Troopers.
SSK: Yup. Sci-fi homages substituting for plot and character development, but enough about Lost Galaxy. Maya is really cute, but lacks a rounded personality. That?s points down for me.
MEG: She is hella into Kendrix, and it?s SO CUTE!
SSK: If I have one positive thing to say about Lost Galaxy?s characters, it?s that they are so darn shippable.
Kendrix
MEG: Oh my lordy lord, she?s freaking adorable, and she looks as trans as you do.
SSK: Well, as a trans person with a trans girlfriend (and a primarily trans polycule), that?s not a bad thing.
MEG: No it is not. She?s one of the cutest Rangers ever.
SSK: You?re not wrong. How can you not with that cute?
MEG: You can?t not, and she?s a flirt and a half, which is precious AND kind of ties her team together!
SSK: Yup. She?s the flirt, the brains, and you can ship her with anyone!
MEG: I?m not usually much for meganekko. Which is weird, because I wear glasses.
SSK: I wear glasses, too. And, I generally like them on other people. She is no exception.
Karone
SSK: Karone is adorable. When she was Astronema in In Space, she was still totally attractive, but she gave off a totally different vibe. She was like a sexy dominatrix villain in In Space, and then in Lost Galaxy, she?s like this perky, bubbly ranger. I love the contrast.
MEG: It?s an amazing character arc and transformation, to be honest.
SSK: Affirmative nod.
MEG: Well, that shows craft, and that?s cool.
SSK: Well, if anything is worth slogging through Lost Galaxy, it?s to see Karone as the pink ranger.
MEG: I do like cute Pink Rangers. Though, usually, not nearly as much as cute yellow rangers.
Kelsey
SSK: Speaking of cute yellow rangers, let?s move on to Kelsey!
MEG: Oh my God. Top? three.
SSK: Um? Taylor, anyone?
MEG: Also top three, gawd. Spoilers!
SSK: Yeah, Kelsey, I think has extra appeal for the lesbian in the audience, considering Kelsey is all-but officially confirmed to be insanely gay.
MEG: She has a sexy focus episode with Ms. Fairweather and shows off Nancy as a prize to the other rangers. She?s as gay as I am. I?m shocked that her lovely actress is happily married. Not that that?s a bad thing. She tweets like a mom. And calls him ?hubby.? It?s adorable.
SSK: Anyway, I like Kelsey fine, but she is not super consistently written. In her handful of focus episodes, she?s delightful, but doesn?t offer much outside of those few episodes.
MEG: Can we talk about her grandmother kicking her out of the house for being gay?
SSK: Yes. That did happen. And the resulting scene was cute and sweet enough to make me collapse on the couch and make inhuman squeaking sounds.
MEG: Kelsey so hot.
SSK: So hot and so gay?
MEG: Yes.
Dana
MEG: Ooh, a super-sexy fan favourite!
SSK: Dana?
MEG: Yeah.
SSK: I don?t get it?
MEG: Rangers named Allison or variations thereon are hot. So it is written. So it shall be.
SSK: Yeah, but at least Taylor has a consistent character. Dana is boring, unless it?s out of character. Because, being boring is apparently part of her character.
MEG: I just think she?s kind of supportive and nice. She?s not as boring as Trini or Aisha.
SSK: That?s fair. I just think Dana is probably the least interesting character in Lightspeed Rescue, which already kinda had problems with consistent characterization. Dana is pretty, sure, but she has nothing in her personality to make her stand out from the other pretty, blonde Rangers.
MEG: Yeah. She?s just a naughty nurse.
SSK: A naughty nurse with little personality.
Katie
SSK: What a cutie! Katie is a lot of fun, really spunky, and that super strength! I?m impressed.
MEG: Hi, Katie. Very adorable. Very prone to gushing. And you know how I feel about enthusiasm!
SSK: Pretty much agreed on that front. As I said earlier, I?d love Katie to give me a massage. And, in addition, I think she?d be a good cuddler, too.
MEG: What kind of freak would say no to Power Ranger cuddles?
SSK: Certainly not me. And certainly not with the other female ranger in Time Force.
MEG: Fangirl.
Jen
SSK: I admit it! I?m a fangirl! I love Jen!
MEG: You love the adorable tsundere. Let me be surprised.
SSK: Fine. I have a type, and Jen fits that type to a T! She?s gorgeous, she?s tough as nails, she kicks twice as much butt as the rest of her team, and she also has a sensitive, romantic side! What?s not to love?
MEG: The fact that you don?t look enough like Jason Faunt to have a chance with her?
SSK: Don?t remind me?wouldn?t stop me from trying, though! And it sure as heck doesn?t stop me from appreciating her with every fiber of my being!
MEG: Also, Jen?s playful side is really cute!
SSK: I know!! Ugh, she?s so wonderful! Why can?t all Rangers be as cool and well-written/acted as Jen?!
MEG: Don?t ask for the moon; we already have the stars.
Alyssa
MEG: Another one who got cuter with age!
SSK: Yeah, but she was pretty darn cute in the show, too.
MEG: Okay, cute? Yes, but hot? Maybe not.
SSK: I feel like there is a difference between ?cute? and ?pretty?, but one isn?t necessarily better than the other. Alyssa is definitely a winner in the ?cute? category, and is one whom I didn?t grow to really appreciate until my last couple of watches of Wild Force.
MEG: Okay, I didn?t really grow to appreciate her until we started writing fanfic about her, but that is another post for another day
SSK: And a post I am for-sure looking forward to sharing!
MEG: I?m both looking forward to it and dreading it, but yes. Alyssa is adorable and I want to snuggle her.
SSK: Same, honestly. I love her smile!
MEG: We can share.
Taylor
SSK: Now, I can be damn near certain that we agree on Taylor pretty much 100%. She?s insanely attractive, a total badass, and has a kick-butt, no-nonsense attitude to rival Jen!
MEG: My sexuality is Taylor Earhardt.
SSK: I can?t blame you there. She?s pretty darn awesome. I love how she?s normally so stoic and serious, but when she smiles, hot damn! I just collapse into a pile of mush at the feet of badass women with hearts of gold, and Taylor is just that!
MEG: Yeah?the opening is pretty much heartwarming af. Also, Alyson Sullivan is an amazing human being?who makes mustard, apparently?
SSK: Yeah, that?s a bit out of left field for someone whose claim to fame is playing an ex-Air Force pilot turned sword-wielding leader/second-in-command of the Wild Force Rangers.
MEG: She can make my mustard any day!
SSK: Miriam!
MEG: What does that even mean?! Anyway, can we talk about how I briefly wanted to join the Air Force because of her?
SSK: So you could see the Animarium, or so you could eventually meet Taylor herself?
MEG: Yeah?I may have wanted some of that Shayla goodness?I am the worst.
SSK: Naaaah?this list takes into account both inner and outer beauty, and takes them into equal consideration!
MEG: Well, Taylor has both in spades!
SSK: I was just about to say that!
Tori
MEG: Wow?she looks really young?even for me.
SSK: I don?t think she actually is that young, but I see what you mean. She reminds me of Avril Lavigne. The fandom loves Tori, and I never got it. That may be partially my heavy bias against Ninja Storm talking, though.
MEG: I mean, she is my type, but I don?t really think she?s attractive, so that must say something.
SSK: Sure, I suppose. Glad to know I?m not alone in thinking Tori isn?t anything to write home about.
MEG: ?Dear home, The Blue Ranger?is okay-looking?
SSK: She sadly doesn?t have much personality to help her case, either. Then again, neither did her love interest, Blake, but we?ll talk about him when we get to the guys? list.
MEG: I can hardly wait?
Kira
MEG: Iggy Pop, is that you?!
SSK: Yeah, if Iggy Pop were a cute, snarky, eighteen-year-old girl, maybe!
MEG: I don?t know what it is. I like her character, but she doesn?t do it for me.
SSK: Well, she does it for me! She?s pretty, she?s cool, she can sing and play guitar, she?s got a sarcastic sense of humor! Overall, my type.
MEG: You know who else can sing and play guitar? Mia from Samurai, and she sucks!
SSK: That?s because Samurai sucks, and we?ll get there when we get there! I am very pro-Kira, and that?s where I?ll leave that.
MEG: Kira just looks?overbearingly dated.
Z
SSK: Oh my god! She?s adorable!
MEG: She?s not really my type, but I still would.
SSK: She is also very my type, but we both know how much I like snarky brunettes! She?s one of those whom I can imagine to be a badass both on the streets and in the sheets?not that the latter would pertain very much to my interests, but multi-dimensional hotness is always a bonus.
MEG: She?s cute like a chubby-cheeked child, I dont know. I would probably date her, maybe even for a while, but I doubt she would be the affair of a lifetime?what were we talking about again?
SSK: Z, and how insanely hot she is. Chubby-cheeked child, my behind. Have you seen those curves? And her smirk, to boot! She exudes sass, and I love it.
MEG: I do like sass?and not that it pertains at all to this list, but she?s a burlesque dancer now, and that?s hot!
SSK: You?re telling me! I dated a burlesque dancer once. She was cool, and I enjoyed watching her perform. I?d imagine catching Z?s act would be similarly enjoyable.
MEG: We kinda should?
Syd
MEG: Oh?hi. I think I?m in love
SSK: I kinda figured you would be. Syd is very much your type over mine, but I do appreciate her, as well.
MEG: I?m sorry. I can?t hear you very well over the ?hamina-hamina?s and wolf whistles going on in my head.
SSK: Ooooooookay then?not much I can say to follow that one up, but I will affirm that Syd is pretty darn hot, and very aware of it. Not that that?s necessarily a bad thing, though.
MEG: Maybe we should move onto the next girl, while I look for my tongue somewhere on my floor?
Kat Manx
MEG: Oh?my. The moe fangs really push her over the top for me, in a good way. I looooove moe fangs!
SSK: Yeah, she is another one who is incredibly gorgeous, with a personality to match. She?s understated, since she?s primarily the chief scientist in SPD, not a Ranger, but she?s still really cool and drop-dead gorgeous, as can be expected for an alien cat-girl with bright green eyes!
MEG: Unf. Do you think her tongue feels like sandpaper? I ask because?reasons.
SSK: That would be my guess, and she would probably bunt and/or nuzzle the people she likes. Well?at least I hope she would?
MEG: Can I have one?
SSK: Ask Commander Cruger. They were a little shippy?which gets awkward later on in the show because plot things, but I kinda ship it.
MEG: Not gonna lie, that?s kinda cute. And I?ve seen dogs try to hump weirder things.
Madison
SSK: She?s adorable, even if she is boring.
MEG: All the hotness quota in that show went to Udonna.
SSK: I can?t say I agree with that 100%. But? I would like Madison a lot better if she had a personality.
MEG: Her personality is crush on Nick.
SSK: That?s, unfortunately, very accurate.
MEG: And her face is just as boring.
SSK: Eh. I think she?s cute, at least. She?s? just kind of there.
Vida
MEG: Did we skip PSP? PSP was way hotter.
SSK: Oooh nooo?
MEG: Also insert Vida Blue jokes here.
SSK: Oh come on! Like, I actually like Vida a lot! She?s actually one of my favourite Mystic Force rangers! And the fact that she?s all but canonically bisexual does help.
MEG: Okay but her name sounds like a fancy bottled water.
SSK: That may be! But as I said about anything unrelated to in-show appearance and personality, that doesn?t really have much bearing on anything, especially considering that our pink ranger is not only nice to look at, but also a sass master.
MEG: Her hair is? unfortunate. She looks like that cat that Peppy Le Pew liked because it crawled under a wet bench.
SSK: She dyed that streak various colours in different episodes. Still, I think she could stand to lay off the blow-dryer a little bit.
MEG: All (some) joking aside, let?s agree to disagree on this one. I like Vida just fine, but she is not attractive to me.
Udonna
MEG: Udonna is hella attractive. She does a weird thing where she drags the lower right corner of her lips down which looks a little paralysis-y, but somehow it doesn?t detract. That much.
SSK: I like Udonna, don?t get me wrong, but she is, admittedly a little old for my taste. I prefer my attractive people closer to my age.
MEG: Age limits on physical attraction are kind of nonexistent to me.
SSK: When we get to Super Sentai girls, you?ll see the other side of this non-existent age limit.
MEG: Yeah. Oh, Kagura. But you get this side, too. Because Souga Machiko?s face exists, too.
SSK: Another one I never got. But? As far as Udonna goes, she?s at least a better mentor than Princess Shayla, even if they get captured the same amount of times.
MEG: I would totally capture either Princess Shayla or Udonna. Take that as you will.
SSK: We?ll get to Shayla if we discuss mentors in a future installment, but she?s also? hot.
Rose
SSK: For at least most of Overdrive, she was my favourite character. But that?s not saying much because I?m kind of meh on Overdrive as a series anyway.
MEG: She looks like a Sentai girl.
SSK: She does! And, here?s the thing: She?s cute, and the smartest character in Overdrive. I just wish she did more to make herself stand out from the other attractive, intelligent Power Rangers.
MEG: She?s almost super hot. I wish she had more of a personality other than ?smart?.
SSK: She?s Best Girl in Overdrive, but unfortunately, it?s still Overdrive, and being the only competent character can?t place her higher in the ranks on this list.
Ronny
MEG: Oh?she?s pretty attractive. Oh?she?s really attractive. Yeah?I would take a Ronny.
SSK: See, to me, she is just another Generic Disney-Era Yellow Ranger. She?s a pretty blonde, she has little to no personality, no character development. She?s just there to fill a suit, and it really shows.
MEG: That sucks, because she certainly has a pretty face.
SSK: I watched Overdrive, and I can tell you that she pretty much only has that pretty face. Her personality is ?likes fast cars?. She?s basically a shitty Kelsey, without the gayness.
MEG: Kelsey without the gayness is literally just a flesh puppet.
SSK: My point exactly.
Lily
SSK: Lily would be another Generic Disney-Era Yellow Ranger, but she actually does have some semblance of a personality. Too bad she loses that in the second half of the show and becomes more generic.
MEG: She does look pretty generic, to be fair.
SSK: She?s sorta halfway. Again, pretty blonde Yellow Ranger, but unlike Ronny, I can tell you what Lily?s personality and character arc is: She?s the compassionate, empathetic member of the team, and kinda the glue that binds the Rangers together. That, and she?s the biggest flirt in the whole Disney Era!
MEG: Lily in a backwards baseball cap is pretty much all I ever need in life.
SSK: She is pretty cute! I do think she sadly loses a point for losing most of her charm in the second half.
MEG: You?re not wrong, but she?s still a babe!
Summer
MEG: Summer is a rare case where she isn?t necessarily pretty, but she?s really hot!
SSK: Eh, I see her as the third consecutive Generic Disney-Era Yellow Ranger. Summer is yet another pretty blonde with only a small semblance of characterization. At least she developed a little bit, but all of her development happened before the events of the show! In the show proper, she was pretty meh.
MEG: I don?t know; she?s compassionate, she has deep, soulful eyes, and she has to pick between two guys, which gives her and Doctor K a cute bonding opportunity!
SSK: She barely has to choose! Summer/Dillon is the force-ship to end all force-ships! That said, I?ll give you the soulful eyes part. I do love deep, dark eyes!
MEG: I mean, she?d be attractive in real life!
SSK: I?m still not sold.
MEG: It?s not hard to sell me on hot blondes.
Gemma
MEG: Talk about a bad force-ship!
SSK: Flynn/Gemma, you mean?
MEG: Yeah. That came out of nowhere!
SSK: Yeeeeeah?that it did. Her personality on its own doesn?t help?good lord was she annoying!
Mia
SSK: I have to say, as cute as Mia is, I gain nothing from her that I wouldn?t get from Mako in Shinkenger.
MEG: Oh, Samurai can be terrible, but Mia is really cute! And she sings!
SSK: Yeah, but again, so does Mako, and she?s a better character in every way. I?ll chalk Mia up to being another attractive Ranger with a decent personality hampered by existing in a terrible series.
Emily
SSK: Yeah?another cute blonde Yellow Ranger (though not in the Disney era anymore, technically), but she?s a little more unique-looking than the last few. She actually looks a lot like a white version of Kotoha from Shinkenger, so the casting there is a little too on the nose, funnily enough.
MEG: Yeah, I totally see it!
SSK: This is not a bad thing, of course, since Kotoha is adorable, but again, this means there is very little to gain from watching Emily that you couldn?t get from Kotoha.
MEG: Kotoha is cuter.
SSK: It?s literally between a cute Japanese girl and a cute blonde girl. You can?t lose either way!
MEG: This is a contest designed for my pleasure. Good.
Lauren
MEG: Team Lauren, all day every day!
SSK: I will say, Lauren is beautiful, and much more sympathetic than her Shinkenger counterpart, but I maintain that making her sympathetic actually hampers her character arc! She?s the highly trained True Red Ranger of the team, and she ends up taking such an emotional beating from the other Rangers that it takes away from how serious she is!
MEG: Laurennnnn! Let me love you! She?s, like, an emotionally scarred baby creature. She doesn?t know how to interact with people, and acts like a real survivor of childhood abuse.
SSK: She really does. It makes me feel sorry for her, but that?s not what I want to feel towards someone as serious and highly competent as Lauren! She?s almost?too appealing for her role in the story, if that makes any sense.
Gia
MEG: If Gia?s show were better, she?d be #1, probably.
SSK: I don?t know if I would go that far, but she did pleasantly surprise me when I started watching (Super) Megaforce.
MEG: As shown in the RPM episode, she could have been a decent Luka with better writing, and that says something, because Luka is the love of my life.
SSK: And her character is pretty consistent in and out of suit, because Moune (her Goseiger counterpart) and Luka (her Gokaiger counterpart) are very similar characters, so the writers could make Gia fill both roles and Ciara Hanna could pull it off.
MEG: She?s also, like?it?s practically a prerequisite for being a Sentai actress that you will have pictures of you in a bikini on the Internet, and Ms Hanna?fills that role nicely.
SSK: Yeah, she?s got curves, alright.
MEG: In all the right places!
SSK: For real. Her main photo on the Ranger Wiki has me surprisingly captivated, and I don?t captivate too too easily.
MEG: I could read a litany of girls we knew in college, but that?s neither here nor there! I find her captivating, and that shouldn?t really be a surprise.
SSK: Mirkat finding a hot blonde Yellow Ranger captivating?! Naaaaaah.
MEG: Forever Yellow: Make it happen, Saban!
Emma
SSK: If you look up ?adorable? in the dictionary, and you?re using an English language dictionary, you will see Emma?s picture instead of the definition.
MEG: I have two words for you: Ahim coat.
SSK: Are you trying to make me collapse into a pile of jelly again?!
MEG: That is the real Greatest Treasure in the Universe!
SSK: For sure. Emma is seriously too cute for words. Again, I really wish Megaforce had better writing, because the characters are appealing!
MEG: She starts to create a character for herself later on, but it?s too late to undo the boring one the writers created for her.
SSK: So, basically screw you, Megaforce showrunners! You gave us cute Rangers, but failed to give them personalities.
MEG: More or less. Megaforce is a clusterfuck.
SSK: I couldn?t have said it better myself.
MEG: Speaking of clusterfuck, what do you think happens on the Sky Ship?
SSK: Probably the poor man?s version of what happens on the Gokai Galleon, and we all know what happens there!
MEG: We have different opinions on what happens there, but it generally amounts to frickity-frack.
SSK: And lots of it.
Shelby
MEG: 10/10. Would bang.
SSK: She?s so cute!!!
MEG: That?s us in a nutshell, those reactions.
SSK: Pretty much, yeah. I love Shelby?s smile! It warms my toku lover heart!
MEG: This is sort of beside the point of her overwhelming attractiveness, which mind you, is overwhelming, but Shelby seriously needed more screen time with Kendall, because that is a good ship!
SSK: It?s a darn good ship, alright! The Dino Charge cast is actually pretty shippable. More so than the Kyoryugers?though that is probably because Kyoryuger was too focused on Daigo being OP to give the others more time to tease ships. #rantforanotherday
MEG: Shelby is also very young-seeming, which I obviously like. Also, she looks high as fuck in her pictures from Power Morphicon, which is adorable.
SSK: You know what else is adorable from Power Morphicon? Her reaction to the Sudarso brothers? big revelation. THE TEARS OF JOY OH MY GAAAAAAAAAH!!!
MEG: Those were some cute-ass tears. I don?t quite share your fascination, but yaaaas!
SSK: Yeeeeeeah?cute girls crying melt my heart like no other?thanks, Shelby.
MEG: I mean, that?s how I feel about cute girls? arms and shoulders!
SSK: And Shelby has arms for days. Legs, too. And again, that smile. I?m done.
MEG: Yeah. She might be my hottest Pink Ranger.
SSK: She?s up there, but not as high up there as Cassie or Jen.
MEG: Yeah, Cassie?s way up there.
SSK: But Shelby surprised me with how great she is. I did not have high hopes for her, or any of the Dino Charge Rangers, but they really did it for me! Nice job, Saban! Making up for your mistakes!
MEG: I know, right? And we never thought we?d say that again!
Kendall
MEG: This is a rare example of someone who is only sort of my type physically, but is such a great Ranger that she is way up there for me!
SSK: She is veeeeery much my type physically (she?d be more so if she were about six inches taller), but I do see what you mean. She?s a great character, and has great chemistry with the other Rangers, and that does help.
MEG: *cough* Especially Shelby *cough*
SSK: Well, yeah. And Ivan, and Koda, and Riley?kinda all of them.
MEG: Awww! Her relationship with Koda is adorable!
SSK: It really is. Kendall is super cute, inside and out!
MEG: I know Keeper is probably supposed to be the mentor, but she really fills the mentor role really well, too!
SSK: I know! And she is also very much the mentor in her own right.
MEG: Well, I apparently have a thing for sexy mentors.
Delphine
SSK: The Alien Rangers basically suck, from a character perspective and an attractiveness perspective, since they have no personalities and they have to wear those awful headpieces. Delphine?s actress is beautiful, but we couldn?t discern that in the show because of her terrible costume.
MEG: Yeah. It?s sad because I still would, because of my rule that I would with every Power Ranger ever, but she kinda looks like uncooked eggplant.
SSK: Never heard that one before, but you aren?t wrong?
Hayley
MEG: Hayley is cute, she?s gentle, she?s a head taller than most of the other Rangers! It?s no wonder that both of us kinda fell for her pretty hard!
SSK: I couldn?t agree more. Hayley is both a sight to behold and a pleasure to see in action! My one complaint is that the Saban powers that be made her put relaxer in her hair. That glorious mane of hers need not be tamed! It was beauty itself in its natural state!
MEG: This is somewhere we differ only slightly, because I think her hair looks beautiful both ways, but I feel like women of color are told their natural hair isn?t ?good enough? too often, and it was refreshing to see her natural hair at her introduction at Power Morphicon.
SSK: Agreed. It would have been a refreshing first to see a Ranger of any race or gender be allowed to wear their luscious curls openly in the show!
MEG: *coughcough*Kelsey*cough*
SSK: Exactly. As cute as Kelsey?s ponytail was, there?s no reason why curly hair must be ?tamed? for the cameras. Hayley?s are not treated with any more dignity, I?m afraid. Which is a shame for many reasons.
MEG: Not least of which is the historical politics around black women?s hair, but it?s awesome to see the interracial canon ship of Hayley and Calvin, which is both super cute and super open to poly shipping!
SSK: Yup. If Ninja Steel has one thing going for it, it?s the many opportunities to poly-ship its cast!
Sarah
MEG: Sarah is the buffest ?cute? Ranger since Kelsey! And?I want one.
SSK: She?s pretty great, I?m not going to lie. Admittedly, she?s not super my type, but I do appreciate her much more than I expected to.
MEG: She is also kind of the empath of the team, which does not diminish her charm, but in fact adds to it!
SSK: Very true and fair. Also, since you?re not going to mention it, I will, but she has the body of an Olympic athlete! I am impressed by your dedication to fitness, madame!
MEG: I mean, her abs are beauty itself, but they haven?t really featured in the show yet.
SSK: That?s true. One can only hope she gets the opportunity to show that side of her off at some point! If for no other reason than to show that the smart girls can be physically strong, too.
MEG: Watermelon smashing episode, here we go!
SSK: I think that about wraps this list up. Let?s rank ?em!
The Rankings
Guide ? Scott?s Ranking (Miriam?s Ranking) Average Ranking
Delphine: 2/10 (3/10) 2.5
If she were out of that stupid prosthetic eggplant, she?d be much higher. As is, she takes the lowest all-time slot.
Gemma: 3/10 (4/10) 3.5
Just. Shut up.
Aisha: 4.5/10 (5.5/10) 5
Call me in 10?15 years when you become insanely hot, Ms. Ashley.
Tori: 4.75/10 (6.75/10) 5.75
Her only personality trait is ?kind of abrasive?.
Trini: 6/10 (5.75/10) 5.875
Her only personality trait was ?smart, but not as smart as Billy!?
Maddi: 5/10 (7/10) 6
Cute, but boring. Mostly boring.
Vida: 6.5/10 (5.65/10) 6.075
Vida showed us that DJing to no music was cool!
Ronny: 5.2/10 (7.25/10) 6.225
Generic Disney Era Blonde Ranger: Night of the Living Flesh-Puppet
Kim: 5.5/10 (7/10) 6.25
Valley girl counts as a personality, right?
Tanya: 6.25/10 (6.5/10) 6.375
Real-life cute, but not quite Power Ranger cute.
Summer: 5/10 (8.25/10) 6.625
Average by Contest: Future Zombie Edition
Kira: 7.25/10 (6.5/10) 6.75
Generic Disney Era Blonde Ranger: High School Musical Edition
Dana: 5.5/10 (8.25/10) 6.875
Average by Contest: Naughty Nurse Edition
Rose: 6/10 (8/10) 7
Saying she?s Best Girl in Overdrive is kind of a backhanded compliment
Udonna: 4.75/10 (9.4/10) 7.075
Average By Contest: GILF Edition
Ashley: 6.5/10 (7.75/10) 7.125
Her only crime is being on the same team as Cassie
Karone: 7/10 (7.3/10) 7.15
Her only crime is replacing Kendrix
Emily: 7.25 (7.5) 7.375
Mischievous, insecure, sweet, and charming. Copypasta.
Mia: 7/10 (8/10) 7.5
Hey, good lookin?! Hope you?re not cookin?
Alyssa: 7.75/10 (7.5/10) 7.625
Sometimes, cute doesn?t equal hot
Sarah: 7/10 (8.5/10) 7.75
The sports car of Power Rangers: Tiny but powerful
Maya: 7.5/10 (8.25/10) 7.875
Exotic beauty, pedestrian character
Z: 8.25/10 (7.75/10) 8
Space Patrol Delta?s resident stripper cop
Lauren: 6.75/10 (9.5/10) 8.125
Average by Contest: Lady of War Edition
Katie: 7.8/10 (8.5/10) 8.15
Like a dry champagne: Bubbly, but strong
Syd: 7/10 (9.5/10) 8.25
Hot, but very aware of it
Shelby: 8.75/10 (8.25/10) 8.5
Awkdorkable. We love her tricera-lots.
Lily: 7.8/10 (9.25/10) 8.525
Cute, poly girl in a backwards baseball cap. That is all
Katherine: 8.2/10 (9/10) 8.6
The Power Rangers pin-up girl
Kendall: 8.25/10 (9/10) 8.625
Please make me call you Ms. Morgan. Or Mommy. Mistress works, too.
Emma: 8.75/10 (9/10) 8.85
The cutest thing since Gokai Pink.
Hayley: 8.7/10 (9/10) 8.875
Stunning, elegant, and badass.
Kelsey: 7.8/10 (10/10) 8.9
Crazy is her middle name, and we?re crazy about her.
Gia: 7.9/10 (10/10) 8.95
Fake Luka. Real hot.
Kendrix: 8.5/10 (9.5/10) 9
Sweet. Endearing. Stronger jaw than Superman.
Jen: 9.75/10 (8.4/10) 9.075
Loving her makes time stand still
Cassie: 9.5/10 (8.75/10) 9.125
From can-do teenager to rockin?-bodied MILF, Cassie is hard to beat.
Kat Manx: 9/10 (9.5/10) 9.25
Would scritch her ears if she gave nuzzles
Taylor: 9.5/10 (10/10) 9.75
And then there?s Taylor. Queen of our hearts (if we have them) and HBAMFIC (Yeah, we invented an acronym. Deal with it.)
It?s been quite a journey through 20+ years of Power Rangers. Some hot girls. Some annoying ones. Some both. But one thing is clear. If you don?t love Taylor?
You?ve just been drafted.
? Guys? list coming soon!!
Miriam is a graduate of Brandeis University (?15) in Waltham, MA. She currently works as a freelance screenwriter in the Houston, TX area. She can be found on the following social media outlets:
eBay: http://www.ebay.com/usr/luckynumber78
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AO3: archiveofourown.org/users/LuckyNumber78
Scarlett graduated from Brandeis University in May 2015, and currently lives and works in the Boston, MA area. They can be found at the following social media outlets:
YouTube: www.youtube.com/user/chaosdude7111
Twitter: www.twitter.com/Chaosdude7111
SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/scott-kluger
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AO3: http://archiveofourown.org/users/JAKQ7111
