The results have been very good so far
Photo by: Dean Drobot / Shutterstock
I never seem to have enough time to accomplish everything.
I can?t let my work slip, so that always has to get done. And my kids? needs are non-negotiable. I don?t want to lose what little quality time I get with my husband, either. On my busier days, then, it?s either my bubble bath or my workout (or both) that get set aside.
Giving up my two biggest forms of self-care isn?t ideal. So, when I came across the FitDesk, I ordered it right away because it seemed like the perfect way for me to get everything done.
It?s basically an exercise bike with a small desktop. Once I set it up in my room, I could get in some cycling time on most days while getting some work done. I could write blog posts, edit them, or do all the social media stuff and get some decent exercise at the same time.
It?s helped me be more efficient because I can multitask but do it properly ? my work doesn?t suffer and I don?t half-ass my workouts, either.
There?s just one problem: I spent a lot of my time on the FitDesk looking at the clock. I kept wondering how long I had gone and when I could finally stop pedaling.
So, writing while pumping my legs is a major time saver, yes, but working hasn?t been the best motivator. I have a hard time pushing myself to go an extra five minutes when the only thing I have as a distraction is a bit of proofreading.
I thought I could work out longer if I watched something entertaining instead. So, I kept my laptop on the Fit Desk but I watched TV shows and vlogs.
It barely made a difference. My eyes were on the clock almost as often as they were on the screen. Hitting my goal time still felt like a drag.
I knew there was only one thing that could truly distract me. One thing that could get me through the workout without spending the whole time thinking about how tired or sore I was.
The only thing that could do that is porn.
The Hypothesis
Watching porn is a very immersive experience for me. I can get lost in it sometimes. If I block off enough time, I can spend over an hour watching it without noticing the minutes go by.
There?s just something about it that keeps my attention like nothing else does. If I fall into a Pornhub rabbit hole, it?s like time ceases to exist ? it?s just me and whatever the site?s algorithm keeps throwing in front of my eyeballs.
Using porn as an exercise aid was also promising because of all the stuff that happens in your body when you?re horny.
Sexual arousal releases endorphins. They not only make you feel good, but they relieve pain, too. In theory, that would mean I could push myself harder without feeling like my muscles are rioting against me.
Then there?s the extra hit of dopamine that comes with it. That should keep me feeling good and motivated through more of my workout.
Sexual arousal also produces oxytocin, but I don?t think that will do me much good. It would be a real stretch to say that the ?love hormone? could make me fall in love with my workout. Still, though, two out of three hormones working in my favor ain?t bad.
Porn should give me the combination of motivation and distraction I need to keep going. With any luck, I?d be able to cycle until my legs gave out and I?d stay entertained the entire time.
Now, I just had to put it to the test.
The Experiment
I went on Pornhub and loaded enough videos so that, if I played them back to back, they would play for ten minutes longer than my typical workout session. I wanted to know if I could push myself past my usual limit if I had enough tabs open.
I also really liked the idea of syncing up just the right number of clips because I would know when to stop exercising without having to look at the clock. Once I watched all the porn I had opened, I would know I?d done enough.
I locked the door, got on the bike, and played the first video.
I pedaled and pedaled. The only time I did anything else was when I had to switch to a new browser tab.
There was a lot less discomfort. It took a lot longer than usual before I started feeling sore and tired.
Time went by a lot more quickly than usual. So quickly that that I was surprised when it was over.
I did look at the clock, but the first time I felt the urge to check I had already hit my usual mark. And that was it. I didn?t check the clock every five minutes like I normally do, and I didn?t check it every minute for the last five or ten minute stretch. It felt like only half the time had gone by.
There was only one challenge. I had more trouble keeping my speed consistent. I caught myself cycling more slowly during captivating scenes and cycling too quickly during the hotter ones. I had to keep reminding myself to speed up so I got a decent workout and to slow down through the sexiest parts so I wouldn?t burn myself out too soon.
But overall, it was a resounding success.
This is the best workout hack I?ve ever tried, and it?s just the one I needed. It?s been getting me on the FitDesk more often and keeping my ass in the seat longer.
It has a nice bonus, too. Watching all that porn puts me in the mood for sex, so I?ve been having more of it. Not only do I get a workout, but I?m more likely to end up doing another healthy activity at the end of the day. And there?s nothing wrong with getting my blood pumping and my muscles working twice in one day.
The Conclusion
If there?s one downside to this workout hack, it?s that you can only really do it privately. It works well in my bedroom but I don?t think I could get away with watching porn at the gym. I just want a good workout, not a misdemeanor.
That being said, I would definitely consider going for a run while listening to audio porn in my earbuds. That seems perfectly legal and it shouldn?t draw stares from outraged pedestrians. Unfortunately, I don?t think that?s a good option for anyone with a dick because it?s probably hella awkward to jog around town with a raging boner. If you?re doing that, you might as well be watching porn at the gym.
But as long as you can keep it private and appropriate, a horny workout is the perfect way to hit your exercise goals.
It?s January and a lot of us are trying to work out and be as healthy as we can be. But motivation can be a real bitch and a lot of us won?t keep it up in February.
So, why not put all the odds in your favor? Put on your workout clothes, set up your laptop, and exercise to porn. The results might just surprise you.
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