This ain?t your regular massage
Photo by: Dean Drobot / Shutterstock
When I first discovered pussy massages, I declared them my new favorite thing.
I still haven?t changed my mind. It?s really in a category all of its own. I?ll even agree to one when I?m not in the mood for other stuff ? it?s that good.
The best way to explain a pussy massage is that it?s sort of like manual sex, but a lot longer and usually slower.
It?s also self-contained. There?s nothing mutual about a pussy massage ? it?s all about her pleasure. (If she wants to reciprocate after, that?s up to her, but that?s not the point.)
They?re almost meditative. She gets to just close her eyes and bathe in the pleasure you?re giving her. You get to explore her body and enjoy all the reactions you?re getting from it. It?s incredibly intimate and it?s a good way to really learn what kinds of stimulation work best to get her off.
And the orgasms are stronger, too. It?s one of the most reliable ways for me to get a really powerful climax, the kind that turns me into a giggly, laughing fool.
But there?s more to a pussy massage than just sitting there and touching her for an hour. If you want to give her one, here are the steps you should follow.
1. Set Your Intentions
This is an important part of it, especially if this is your first time giving her a pussy massage. The whole point of a pussy massage is to just relax and enjoy it, but she won?t be able to do that if she feels bad for not reciprocating.
So, make it clear from the start that the pussy massage is just about making her feel good. Tell her that all she has to do is lie down and enjoy it.
Tell her that there are no obligations afterward. She doesn?t need to have sex or pay you back or anything like that.
And you can also tell her that she doesn?t have to perform for you. She doesn?t have to give you pornstar moans or fake a big orgasm at the end. She can react in whatever way that feels natural, whether that?s groaning, quietly breathing, or letting out a few swear words when it feels really good.
2. Set a Timer
Okay, you don?t need to set a timer per se, but you do need to make sure you can keep an eye on the time. She shouldn?t be thinking about how much time has gone by, but if you want to give her a really proper massage, you need to make sure you?re going long enough.
The right duration might not be the same for everyone. We started off doing hour-long massages, but we gradually moved to spending a little over half an hour on them instead. That?s long enough for me to really enjoy myself and to create enough buildup for a really big payoff. Plus, it reduces the odds that our toddler is going to wake up and ruin our fun.
3. Prop Her Up
Making sure you get comfortable is a big part of a successful pussy massage. You?ll both be spending about 30 to 60 minutes in the same position. That means you need to find a way to sit for that long without hurting your back or your neck.
She needs to be comfortable, too. She?s lying down, so that?s a great start, but to be really comfortable, she?ll need to prop herself up.
A wedge would be ideal, but if she?s like me and doesn?t have one yet, she can tuck a pillow or two under her butt instead.
4. Lube, Lube, and More Lube
You don?t need lube for a pussy massage, but she?s seriously missing out if you?re not using any.
So, when she?s getting her wedge or pillows set up, make sure you grab a bottle of lube and keep it by your side.
You can use water-based lube but you?ll have to reapply it often because it will absorb more easily.
Silicone-based lube is your best option because it feels slicker and lasts longer. If you don?t have any and you?re not sure where to start, try berlube (my personal favorite) or Sliquid Silver (the runner up).
5. Start Massaging Around Her Pussy
Get her warmed up and ready by softly massaging her thighs, her hips, and her pubic mound. Spend at least a couple of minutes doing this.
There?s no set amount of time you should be doing this, but it should be long enough that she?s either completely relaxed and at ease, or squirming and breathing heavily waiting for more.
6. Explore Everything
Once you start massaging her pussy, don?t just focus on the clit. In fact, you want this to last, so you should put a lot more attention on everything else. Massage her outer labia. Play with her inner labia. Run your fingers around the entrance to her vagina.
Explore every part of her and pay attention to the way she reacts to all of it. Touch her in different ways, too. Use your palms and knuckles, not just your fingertips.
7. Go Slow and Steady
You?re going for duration and sensuality over speed.
Try to keep an even pace throughout and remember that you?re not trying to find the best way to get her off ? you?re trying to give her long-lasting pleasure. You don?t want to overdo it and finish too early or go so fast or hard that she gets a little numb before you?re done.
8. Fingering Is Optional
Once things get going for a while ? maybe about halfway through ? you can start introducing some penetration.
Gauge her reaction to this. If she?s really into it, then you can go ahead and give her multiple types of stimulation at once. But if she?s not into it or would prefer to stick to external contact only, leave the fingering out of it.
Everyone?s preferences vary, but I find it best to treat the fingering as extra. Make the pussy massage mostly about the clit and the labia instead.
9. Build to Her Orgasm
Once you?ve spent long enough massaging her pussy ? or you can tell she?s getting closer to her climax ? it?s time to make her come.
If she absolutely needs hard, vigorous stimulation to get her there, you can give it to her. But I recommend at least trying to get her off with a slower, softer touch. Take your time and give her some steady stimulation. Once you find something that works, whether it?s rubbing her clit directly or tracing circles around it or whatever, keep doing it until she comes.
You can try to give her an even stronger orgasm by fingering her at the same time (again, only if she?s into it). I personally get off better when the clit is still the focus, so you could try fingering her gently but not rubbing her G-spot.
Ideally, you?ll be giving her enough pussy massages that you?ll have the opportunity to experiment and see what really works for her. But no matter what you do, if you?ve followed all the steps to get to this point, she?s almost guaranteed to have a highly satisfying orgasm.
10. Give Her Some Aftercare
Once you?re done, follow her lead. She might want to fuck. She might want to grab you, push you down on the bed, and tell you it?s your turn. Or she might just want to cuddle.
I?ve heard of women feeling emotional after a pussy massage, so be ready for that, too. If she feels weird or needs to cry or whatever, just hold her and be there for her. Understand that it?s probably a good thing ? it means you put her body through some really intense pleasure.
Give Her Something Special
I know it?s kind of funny to write a quick and dirty guide to something that can easily last over an hour. But I really do want to spread the word about this. Pussy massages are a great way for couples to reconnect, to do something sexual even on those low libido days, or just for the sake of feeling good.
So, give her a special night. Tell her to lie down and relax, give yourself plenty of time to massage her right, and make her feel amazing.
Using really good lube like Sliquid Silver makes a big difference when you?re giving a pussy massage. That?s an affiliate link ? if you click on it and purchase anything from the site, I earn a small commission and you?ll be supporting my work. ?
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