They?re not just for horny teenagers
Photo by: HBRH / Shutterstock
My first boyfriend loved handjobs.
I could feel his excitement when I?d grab his stiff erection. I could hear him reach new peaks of pleasure every time I made him come.
It was a really fun way to feel intimate and close, for both us.
Until he lost interest in them.
At some point, he started asking for more every time I jerked him off. Almost as soon as my fingers wrapped around his shaft, he would start saying things like ?Let?s do more? or ?Why don?t you use your mouth??
When asking didn?t work, he tried shaming me into going further than I was comfortable, asking me if I was just too scared to give a blowjob.
I don?t know if scared is the right word. But I wasn?t too keen on doing it under so much pressure.
I understand being eager to try more. But once we did try more, we never went back to handjobs. He had a taste for penetrative sex and the loving and energetic stroking I used to give him just wasn?t good enough anymore.
He wasn?t the only guy I who treated handjobs like they were inferior or worthless. In fact, until I met my husband, no one else was interested in having me finish them off my with my hand. They always rushed to do more.
The worst one was a guy I hooked up with at an outdoor party.
I enjoyed talking to him and he seemed nice, so I brought him back to my tent.
I had every intention of going all the way with him, but the nice guy I met disappeared almost as soon as I zipped up the tent flap. He became very demanding.
So, I did what many women have done at some point in their lives. Through some combination of internalized guilt and fear for my safety, I decided to just give him a handjob and end it there.
That?s when he stopped being pushy verbally and did it physically instead. While I was trying to stroke him fast enough to make him come quickly, he started pushing my head down. Against all my protests, he was intent on forcing me to blow him.
So I kicked him. Hard. Repeatedly. I kicked his legs until he felt it just wasn?t worth it anymore and he climbed off of me and lumbered out of the tent.
Until I met my husband, this was the pattern with my boyfriends, fuck friends, and one-night stands. Handjobs were always assumed to be a prelude to me surrendering my mouth or my pussy to them. They were never good enough on their own.
Reconsidering Foreplay
I?ve seen a lot of articles criticizing the notion of foreplay. Hell, I?ve written one myself.
They all have one thing in common. Whether they?re pitched at men or women, the message is essentially that women don?t always get off with penetrative sex. And if they do, it?s not always their preferred type of stimulation.
But the more I think about it, the more I realize that something?s missing from that conversation: men?s pleasure.
Reconsidering what counts as foreplay versus what counts as real sex is important, not just because it can help women have better sex but because it can help men enjoy themselves more, too.
I don?t think it?s always done on purpose, but the narrative we have when it comes to foreplay makes it sound like it?s only something women enjoy. Men do it out of duty or obligation, but it?s not the good stuff.
That attitude might be common, but it doesn?t have to be that way. Men should also rediscover the pleasure of manual and oral stimulation. (Since they don?t seem to have much trouble enjoying a blowjob, I?ll focus on handjobs here.)
Your partner?s palm, fingers, and fingertips stimulating your shaft, head, and balls is a sensual experience worth having. Feeling them rub their spit, your precome, or some lube across your cock is also a stimulating sensory experience. Whether it?s a gentle caress or a vigorous stroke, it?s something that feels good enough to just lean back and enjoy.
And if it doesn?t do it for you, there are so many techniques you can experiment with until you find something that does. Less or more pressure. Working two hands at once. Rotating the hand around the cock instead of stroking up and down.
Plus, when your partner is jerking you off, they?re usually in the perfect position to whisper some really nasty stuff in your ear.
It doesn?t take much to discover or rediscover how great it can be to receive a handjob. All you have to do is stop thinking about the next step. Enjoy the sensations your partner?s hands give you instead of treating it like a prelude to more.
I know some of you are thinking I don?t have the authority to speak on this, since what I?ve got going on between my legs doesn?t exactly lend itself to receiving handjobs.
But I do have a husband I consulted before writing this, and he is definitely bedicked.
Plus, the fact that there are plenty of sides out there indicates that there?s got to be something worthwhile in receiving a good jacking or cocksuck.
And if manual stimulation was so boring, why would men be giving it to themselves on the regular? If fucking a hand is so dull, shouldn?t pocket pussies be flying off the shelves?
Just about every guy enjoys the feel of a hand on their cock. It?s only considered inadequate because they?re going into it with the wrong mindset.
Giving Handjobs Is Fun, Too
Guys aren?t the only ones with a restricted mindset when it comes to this subject. I used to have one, too.
I was a big fan of stroking cock, but I rarely made it the main attraction.
Then, I spent years experiencing low libido as a result of chronic illness.
There were some genuine dry spells in my marriage. I lost interest in having sex and I didn?t want to be touched in any sexual way.
But there were times that I would have kind of enjoyed doing the touching.
And yet I never slid my hand down Mr. Austin?s boxer briefs to get reacquainted with that part of his anatomy. Because I couldn?t give him ?real? sex, I was convinced that giving a handjob would just be a poor substitute for the kind of stimulation I was sure he craved.
That?s right, I was convinced that he?d prefer absolutely nothing over getting some sexual stimulation from the woman he loves.
And with my previous sexual history, can you blame me?
When my libido returned, it made a hell of a comeback. I?m not sidelining handjobs anymore ? when I?m horny, I grab for that dick like it was a life preserver.
And in the process, I?m remembering what teenage Emma loved so much about stroking dudes off.
Giving a handjob is an incredible opportunity to explore and get to know your partner?s cock. You can get a good feel for the size and shape of it. Your fingertips can run across all the bumps and ridges, mapping out the shaft?s veiny definition.
It?s also highly satisfying and really intimate to just give someone else pleasure and be able to really focus on them enjoying it. I can do that with my mouth, of course, but then it?s hard for me to pay close attention to how my partner reacts.
With a handjob, I get to concentrate fully on every little grunt and groan that escapes their throat. I get to see when they close their eyes and when they can?t resist looking down to watch my hand in action. I get to listen to their breathing and hear the way it changes as they build to the finale.
I like being able to take my time and learn what makes my partner feel good. I want to see how they respond to my touch and the different things I do to them. I love discovering new handjob techniques just by taking in that feedback instead of reading some list of sex tips.
And then there?s the climax. Being able to really take it in is a treat. Seeing the abdomen tense up. Feeling the cock twitch. Watching the come erupt and splash about or ooze down my fingers like a melting ice cream cone. It beats anything you can find on Netflix.
When guys decide that getting a handjob isn?t good enough, they don?t just deprive themselves of a good time. They deprive their partners of all the little pleasures that come with giving one.
A Little Gratitude Goes a Long Way
When someone offers you a handjob, just bask in the stimulation they want to give you and the love they want to bestow on your body. They?re trying to spoil you, so just relax, enjoy it, and show your appreciation by having a great time.
They want to focus on your enjoyment, so enjoy yourself.
Don?t pout like a disappointed teen whose expectations were way too high.
Acting like handjobs aren?t good enough is a dick move. And when you turn them down or push for more, you?re missing out on a lot of intimacy. You?re cutting some of the variety out of your sexual routine.
You?re also missing an opportunity to show gratitude. We should all be grateful for the pleasure our partners want to give us, in whatever form it takes.
Besides, when you?re putting low-key pressure on your partner to do more you?re less likely to get anything. No one wants you near their ass when you?re acting like one.
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