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Photo by: Roman Samborskyi / Shutterstock
I was watching a YouTube video by a vlogger who has given me a lot of good advice and motivation.
She helped me get over a fuckboi who played with my emotions. She helped me build a little more confidence and regain some self-respect. When I need to boost myself up, I watch her videos.
This video, though, was about flirting. And instead of leaving me pumped up, it gave me a little bit of doubt.
Her advice for flirting over text was simple and uncompromising: ?If you?re using emojis, stop. Because you look like a child.?
That came soon after I read an article that advised women that using emojis doesn?t make you look like a good catch. Because those blushy faces, hearts, and flames all make you look immature.
I had to do a little soul searching because I use emojis a lot. I use them in social media posts, in emails, and in some of my replies to my readers.
But I find them most powerful and more irresistible when I?m hitting on someone, being sweet to them, or trying to get laid.
After watching the video, I thought about it for a while. Have I been fucking up? Am I missing out on quality people in my life because I scare them off with my black heart emojis and heart eyes?
In the end, I decided to stick to my guns. Like a phoenix rising from a bunch of horny flame emojis, I felt even more confident about using them.
Some people see emojis as immature or childish, but it?s only because they?re playful. And that?s what flirting should be.
Emojis add a little fun, some whimsy, and a bit of personality to your texts. There?s a little more lightness to a message that?s punctuated with a couple of emojis.
They?re perfect for platonic flirting (I?m not the only one who low-key hits on my friends, am I?), for sexy banter, and for passionate exchanges.
They also reflect the mood that flirting puts you in. Good flirting makes you feel giddy and excited. It doesn?t make you feel like a kid, exactly, but it does make you feel younger and more vibrant. Emojis are a great way to reflect and express that energy.
But probably the biggest advantage to using emojis when you?re macking on someone is that they make your texts a lot clearer.
I have an aunt who?s nice and kind in person but sounds extremely rude over text. And I?ve come to realize it?s because she doesn?t use any emojis, so I have to guess how she means the words she?s sending me.
Emojis are fantastic for conveying tone, and that?s important for getting your exact meaning across. That kind of precision is especially important when you?re flirting, and giving someone the wrong impression can kill the mood or ruin your game.
But like everything else, it only works if you do it right. As a big proponent of emoji flirting, here are my tips for upping your game without taking it too far.
Open with Something More
More than once, I?ve seen people recommend that you send the waving hand emoji to greet someone you want to hit on. And I guess some people are listening to that advice because I?ve received that same little waving hand in private messages.
I can?t endorse that. It?s a really weak opener. Unless the person you?re hitting up already has a crush on you, they?re not likely to be moved by it.
At the very least, it?s too vague. You?re greeting them, yes, but in what way? With a friendly hello or with a sassy ?how you doin???
Even the hey guys add a couple of extra y?s to let you know they?re looking to fuck.
At worst, though, it looks a little cowardly. Like, you didn?t really have the guts to say anything so you just hung back and sheepishly waved from across the room.
Always open with more. If you don?t know the person yet, say something about yourself. Be cute or funny. Say something at least a little bit original.
If you already know them, at least tell them why you?re reaching out. Even ?Hey, I?m bored. What?s up?? is better than a wave.
Use Words
The emojis are the accent on your words, not substitutes for them. You still have to say things and have an actual conversation.
Sometimes, it?s fine to reply with just a lone heart or a kiss emoji, but your words should still be doing the heavy lifting.
Emojis on their own are also a little too generic. We?re all working with the same set, so it?s hard to feel special when you?re just getting a bunch of eggplants and flames from someone.
And clarity?s an issue here, too. Writing texts with no emojis makes it hard to gauge tone. Sending emojis with no text can make it all tone. That gives the person you?re flirting with the job of deciphering your meaning, which is not great in a flirty situation.
It can also be a tactic. Fuckbois love to use emojis with no text to convey strong feelings without ever actually saying they have them. They?ll send you heart eyes so you think they?re falling in love with you when you?re just the girl he?s playing around with in May until he moves on to the next one in June.
That?s dishonest, and flirting should always be genuine. So make sure to express yourself with your actual words.
Use Emoji Combos
Single emojis don?t always do a great job of conveying all your feelings. I?ll often pair them together to make sure that nothing is ambiguous.
There are a few combinations I use fairly often when I?m in a flirty mood.
?? when someone says something that took me off guard and turned me on.
?? when I get a text that?s really sweet and gives me lots of nice, warm feelings.
?? when I?m playfully teasing someone. If I?m doing some heavy-duty, advanced teasing, then ? makes an appearance to make it clear I?m joking.
?? to show that all the sexy banter has got me horny and wet.
Emotions are complicated. You need to mix and match your emojis to convey the full range.
Avoid Emoji Sentences
In general, one or two emojis are enough. Three is plenty. Nine and you look like a hyperactive puppy.
So unless you?re into pet play, long strings of emojis are a little much.
When someone sends me more than half a dozen emojis, I feel like I?ve been handed some hieroglyphs to translate. Now, I have to figure out how they all fit together.
Emojis are so perfect because they?re simple. When you put too many of them together, they lose their punch.
Instead of a nice flirty wink and a suggestive peach, you?re leaving someone else puzzling over why there?s a shooting star between the blushy face and the praise hands.
Leave Out the Equations
The whole ? + ? = ? thing is a little much.
It sort of feels like the emoji equivalent of trying to hit on someone by making a ring with your thumb and index finger and fingering it with the index finger of your other hand. I wish there was a better way to describe that, but I?m pretty sure everyone knows what I mean ? we?ve all been to middle school.
(Giphy.com)
Opening up flirting, asking to fuck, or inviting someone on a date is something you should be doing with your words. Add a little emoji for some seasoning, but if you want to ask someone over with ????+ ????+ ? there?s a decent chance they?ll decide to get delivery and eat it alone instead.
Gmail Can Bite My ?
I have one last word of caution for anyone who wants to get flirty with emojis: avoid Gmail.
I love Gmail. I do. But the Gmail emojis are really not as cute or sexy as they should be.
I started flirting with someone over email a while back. My computer died on me and I had to email him through my phone for about a month until I could afford to replace it.
When I finally got my laptop, I loaded up Gmail and I was mortified. Instead of the cute emojis I thought I was sending him, the guy I was hitting on was getting these sad little Gmail blobby guys.
I apologized to my crush for what my emojis had looked like for the last month, and from then on I stuck to emojis without faces when flirting over email.
So, choose your platform wisely.
Send Those Heart Eyes
Don?t worry about using emojis when you?re flirting, no matter what anyone says. They?re not immature ? they?re playful, fun, and are great at conveying emotion.
Go ahead and add those blushy faces and heart eyes when you?re texting your crush.
Just watch out for those Gmail blobs. They might cost you some dick.
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