There are always signs ? even for introverts. You just have to pay attention to them.
Photo by Candice Picard on Unsplash
Yes, I?m an introvert.
That means that on Saturday nights, you?re much more likely to find me in my PJ?s watching a historical drama and drinking mint tea than sitting at a bar, flirting with strangers.
(I know, I must sound like an eighty-seven-year-old grandmother. But I?m not ? I?m a relationship-savvy millennial, I promise).
And I?m not the only one ? there are millions of introverts like me.
But what does this mean if you?re interested in dating an introvert?
How in the world are you supposed to figure out if they?re actually interested or not if they?re not giving you obvious signs?
After all, you don?t want to embarrass yourself. You don?t want to muster up the courage to approach someone only to be turned down flat.
So, how do you tell?
Well, I can?t speak for everyone. But I?m an introverted woman ? who knows a lot of introverted women ? and I can assure you there are always subtle signs when an introvert is interested.
So, let?s dig in:
1. They look at you and hold eye contact repeatedly.
This one is really important, so don?t miss it.
If the woman you?re interested in makes and holds eye contact, that?s a great sign.
Because women (and men) like to look at the people they find most attractive. So even introverts will instinctively look toward you and try to catch your gaze as often as possible to let you know the feeling is mutual.
See, introverts might not be as quick to tell you with words that they?re interested in you, but they will tell you with non-verbal cues.
On the other hand, if they?re not interested they?ll avoid eye contact like the plague. They?ll look at the chipped paint on the ceiling before they look at you. I?m serious.
2. They touch their hair.
Whenever I?m around someone I?m interested in, I instinctively start running my fingers through my hair and arranging it.
If the person you?re interested in does this, guys, it?s a good sign.
A really good sign.
It means we want to look our best for you, even if we?re not thinking of it like that. We?re making an extra effort ? and we wouldn?t do that if we weren?t into you.
3. They laugh at everything you say, no matter what it is.
I know this may sound lame, but it?s true.
If I?m interested in someone, I laugh at their jokes. In fact, I laugh whenever they open their mouths.
It doesn?t matter what they say.
It just comes naturally, like the hair grooming ? we might not think of why we?re doing it in the moment. But I have a theory that it?s because we want the person we?re interested in to know that we appreciate them and that we enjoy what they?re saying.
So, in our eyes, laughing at the person we?re interested in is our way of saying:
?I like you. You?re funny and smart, and I want you to know it. But, don?t expect me to tell you with words ? that would be way too simple.?
4. They turn their body toward you ? not just their head.
Body language is incredibly important to pay attention to, and it?s especially important when you?re dealing with us introverts.
That?s because we?re not necessarily as open as extroverts, so non-verbal cues matter more.
When I see people talking from a distance, I can quickly tell how invested they are in their conversation just by looking at how they?ve positioned their bodies.
So, ask yourself ? is the person you?re interested in leaning toward you while you?re talking?
Is her whole body, beginning with her feet, facing you? Or is she turned away?
Also, what are her facial expressions like? Is she smiling with her eyes and engaging with you? Or is she looking past you and checking her phone often?
5. They try to keep the conversation going.
In other words, they don?t expect you to keep talking all the time.
They will contribute to the conversation in a meaningful way ? not just by saying ?yeah?, or ?oh, that?s cool?. This applies to conversations in person and conversations over text.
Someone who?s really interested won?t make you do all the work.
Really. Even if they?re introverted like me, they?ll make a big effort to actively engage with you.
Someone who?s not interested will do the opposite ? they?ll cut your conversation short and look for excuses to leave.
So if they?re not engaging with you and putting in the same effort as you, they?re most likely not interested.
6. They ask you questions and remember what you said to bring up later.
Let?s say you met an introverted woman at a coffee shop and had an interesting conversation with her.
Maybe you didn?t discuss the confounding mysteries of the universe, but let?s say you did talk about where you went to college, and how much you dislike shoveling snow in April.
Let?s say you patted her golden retriever named Pretzel and she told you Pretzel was a rescue pup. And at the end, you exchanged numbers.
You liked her.
But, you still left wondering if she?s also interested or not.
Here?s one way to tell ? next time you bump into her, see if she brings up information you?ve told her.
Does she ask you with a smile if the recent snowstorm is driving you crazy?
Does she remember unique things that make you, you?
Because if she does ? well, you know what I?m going to say ? that?s a great sign.
When I?m interested in someone, I want to know all about them.
I don?t just sit back and let them ask all the questions. So when they tell me details about their life, I remember what they say.
And next time I see them, I bring up those details because I want to learn even more about them.
So, to recap, ask yourself:
- Is she making a lot of eye contact?
- Does she fix her hair when I?m present?
- Does she laugh and smile when I talk to her?
- Does she lean forward and turn her body in my direction when we?re talking?
- Does she contribute to the conversation as much as I do?
- Does she remember what I tell her? In other words, does she really listen to me?
Of course, I can?t promise that the woman who seems interested really is. After all, everyone?s different.
But I can say that, in my experience, someone who does the above things is much more likely to be genuinely interested than someone who doesn?t.
If you?re still unsure, though, go ahead and ask her out anyway. Because the thing with introverts is, if we?re interested in someone and they don?t make the first move, we usually end up thinking that they?re just not interested in us.
So if you?re interested, go for it. After all, the worst she can say is no.