For those moments when someone blurted out your dirty secret, when you want to sound funny or when you want to just break the ice!
Awkward silences at the table are the worst! Everyone smiles politely, check their phones unnecessarily, fidget with their hair and sip their drinks.
Want to end these awkward silences once and for all??. Jokes are a great idea!
You can keep the conversation going with a simple ??Hey? have you heard this joke?? or ?? I heard this really funny joke this morning!?
You can get the conversation back on track (or even get talking to someone interesting) and? you come across as a funny guy! (Everyone wants to be the funny guy!)
But here?s a warning. Steer clear of sexist, racist and religiously controversial jokes.
Here are a few bar jokes that always go down smooth!
1. ?Poor Old fool,? thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he?d humor the old man and asked, ?So how many have you caught today??
The old man replied, ?You?re the eighth.?
2.After an hour of gathering up his courage, a shy guy finally approaches the attractive girl at the end of the bar. ?Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while??
She yells, ?No, I won?t sleep with you tonight, you pig!?
Everyone in the bar stops and stares. Completely embarrassed, the guy slinks back to his table, redfaced.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles and says, ?I?m sorry if I embarrassed you. I?m a graduate student in psychology, and I?m studying how people respond to embarrassing public situations.?
To which the guy responds as loudly as possible, ?What do you mean $200 for a BJ??
3.A man walks into a bar, then goes to the bathroom. He comes out, goes to the bartender. He says, ?you?ve got a great place, but my buddy was here last night, and he said you have golden urinals. Where are they?? The bartender turns to the band and yells, ?Frank, I?ve got a lead on the guy who ruined your sax!?
4.There?s a guy sitting at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour.
Soon, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, ?Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I?ll buy you another drink. I just can?t stand seeing a man crying.?
?No, it?s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I?m late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen.?
?The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar.?
?And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison?
5.Three women left separately after a very late night out drinking Guinness until the early hours. They met the next day for an early pint, and compared notes about who had been the most drunk.
The first gal claims that she was the drunkest, saying, ?I drove straight home, walked into the house, and as soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks?
To which the second gal replied, ?You think that was drunk? I got in my car, drove out of the parking lot, and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don?t even have insurance!?
And the third proclaimed, ?I was by far the most drunk. I got home, I go in a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over and burned the whole house down!?
They all looked at each other for a moment. Then the first gal says: ?Ladies, I don?t think you understand. Chunks is my dog.?
6.A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini.
After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, ?Look, buddy, I?ll bring ya? martinis all night long ? but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill.?
The customer replies, ?I?m peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it?s time to go home.
Which joke is your favourite? Let us know!