This is how we give you a green light
Photo by: HBRH / Shutterstock
Some people are chasers. When they like you, they?ll pursue you. They?ll flirt aggressively. They?ll proclaim their desire for you. They?ll ask you out on a date or suggest you come back to their place at the end of the night.
I?m kind of jealous of chasers.
I?m a chasee. I?m the one who needs to be pursued and seduced. That sounds easy, but there?s a lot of frustration that comes with it.
The thing a lot of people don?t understand about chasees is that we don?t just wait around for someone to put the moves on us. We have preferences. We have certain people we?re attracted to. We have crushes. And we do something about it. It?s just that the things we do about it are subtle.
We don?t really pursue the people we like. It?s more like giving them a green light to come after us. We show them we?re open and receptive.
We still communicate our attraction, our desire, and our lust ? we just do it in a different way.
Unfortunately, a lot of chasers have a hard time with that. To them, liking someone means putting the moves on them. Anything less than that doesn?t register as interest. They miss all the green lights we?re giving them because they?re looking for someone with their foot on the gas pedal.
Because of that, every chasee has her war stories. Evenings spent trying to entice a guy who never clued in. Making bold moves (bold for a chasee anyway) and not getting any response. Those times the guy seems shocked to find out you would?ve dated or fucked him if he had just tried to seduce you.
If you?re chaser, that means you might miss your shot. And you might miss it often. So, I?m going to share some of the big signs women give when they want to be pursued or seduced. That way, you won?t miss opportunities that are right in front of you.
She Makes Frequent Eye Contact
A woman won?t usually walk across the room to introduce herself to you. She won?t ask if this seat is taken or if she can buy you a drink. But she will probably signal that she wants you to do those things by the way she looks at you.
Random eye contact doesn?t mean anything. If you meet a girl?s glimpse from across the room, it?s probably just a coincidence. What you need to look for is a pattern.
If she keeps looking directly at you, that?s an indication that she?s interested. If she quickly looks away and smiles whenever you catch her looking, that?s a sign that she?s interested for the right reasons.
Pay attention to the way she smiles when you look at her. If you?re good at reading body language, you should be able to tell a polite smile from an inviting one, and hungry eyes from a friendly look.
She Doesn?t Let the Conversation Die (Even When It Kind of Has)
She might take her time to get back to you when you?re texting, but that doesn?t mean she?s not interested. She might be trying to figure out the perfect response ? and maybe running it by two friends before hitting Send.
What matters is how invested she is in the conversation. When she does reply, it won?t be a dismissive ?lol? or ?haha that?s cool.? She?ll keep things going.
When the conversation is dying out, she?ll find ways to revive it. She?ll bring up something trivial just to get you talking about it. She?ll ask a lot of questions about you. She?ll keep dragging things out by texting things like ?So, what are you up to now??
And it?s probably not because she?s just bored and desperate for conversation (though she might say it is). Girls always have things to do. If I?m bored, I?ll rewatch my favorite shows, I?ll experiment with my makeup or get dressed up for selfies, I?ll go bake some weird recipe I saw in a Tasty video. I?m not going to waste my time texting some guy for no good reason. Not unless I?m into him.
She Gets Close and Gets Physical
Girls are more openly affectionate than guys are, but we still know how to keep a respectful distance. So, if you notice her finding a lot of excuses to get close to you, there?s a good chance it?s because she?s into you.
She?ll brush something off your shoulder. She?ll sit with her thigh touching yours even though there?s plenty of space to sit further apart. She?ll inch her hand closer and closer to yours. She?ll touch your arm when she teases you or laughs at your joke.
And pay attention to your personal space. A girl who wants to be more than friends is probably going to be in your bubble.
Though again, you?re looking for patterns. If your hands are close together because you?re sitting at a crowded table, it might not mean anything. If she stood really close to you that one time when you were talking, it could just be a coincidence.
But if it seems like she?s always looking for excuses to get close to you, it?s probably because she is.
She Acts Like Your Girlfriend on Social Media
This is a little counterintuitive, but it?s easier to make bold moves around others, even when you?re doing it online.
It?s easier to say something flirty or sweet on social media because there?s less pressure than sliding into someone?s DMs to say it. The stakes feel lower and there?s no real fear of rejection.
So, if a girl wants you to pursue her she might get real friendly in the comments of your Facebook posts. She might be weirdly flirty ? like way flirtier than usual ? when she?s writing on your Instagram photos.
Or she might just be super responsive to your stuff ? she?s always right there to like or comment on everything you put up. That could be her way of getting on your radar and laying the groundwork for something more.
She?s Shy But Engaged
If she?s a little more shy than she usually is, it?s probably because she feels nervous around you. And if she?s still engaged in your conversation, present, and hanging on your every word, she?s feeling nervous for all the right reasons.
She might get a little flustered. Her normally cool attitude might melt away. She might let her dorky side slip out and then apologize for it. But she?ll still give off the vibe that she just wants the conversation to keep going and that your attention matters to her.
She Challenges You
When a girl wants to be pursued or seduced, she?ll do little things to provoke you.
She?ll tease you playfully to see how you respond. She?ll challenge you a little bit. She?ll pretend to be defiant, but in a very light and sweet way.
She?s doing these things to set you up, so that you have an easy path to telling her the things she wants to hear and making the moves she?s hoping you?ll make.
She?s dropping her metaphorical handkerchief and waiting for you to pick it up and hand it back to her.
This is your opportunity to escalate and feel out how it goes. If she teases you, tease her back. If you feel like she?s challenging you, show your hand a little by saying something flirty.
You Can?t Figure Her Out
Okay listen, some guys are just dense.
There, I said it.
They don?t understand women?s behavior at all because they just don?t know a lot of women that well or they haven?t paid close attention to the ones in their lives.
But if you have some insight into the way women think and behave, you might still find yourself confused by a girl who likes you.
Like, she might be really flirty sometimes and then distant at others. That might seem strange, but chances are she?s just testing the waters.
She hits on you and gauges your reaction. If you don?t flirt back, she?ll take it as a sign you?re not interested and pull back.
If her crush on you is strong enough, she?ll try a few times ? either because she doesn?t want to let go of the possibility or because she just can?t help herself. Even if you have that effect on her, she?ll still pull back when you don?t show enough interest.
And no, this isn?t the same thing as being hot and cold. Because once you?re in, she?ll be in too. She only pulls back because she?s looking for reassurance that you?re into her and she?s not getting it.
If she keeps doing this kind of thing once you start dating or you?re in a relationship, there?s a good chance she?s emotionally unavailable. But outside that, she?s just giving you green lights and waiting for you to act on them.
You might also find it confusing if a girl seems to get upset with you for no reason.
It?s not because she?s pissed off at you. It?s because she?s frustrated.
It usually happens after she drops her handkerchief repeatedly and has to pick it back up each time. That kind of rejection doesn?t exactly put her in a good mood, especially if you?re sending her mixed messages.
You might not mean to send mixed messages, but that?s what it feels like if you show that you like her but don?t actively pursue her. That kind of thing will make a chasee feel like she?s being jerked around.
So, if you can?t piece together why she behaves the way she does, check to make sure you?re not missing any obvious green lights.
Make Your Move
In every case, you have to read the situation. You have to know the difference between a woman showing interest in you because you?re starting a friendship or because she wants it to be more than that.
There might be similar behaviors in both cases, but the big difference will be her attitude.
She won?t just be nice to you or enjoy your company, she?ll also be really playful and a little coy. She?ll act sweet and cute.
And most of all, she?ll be extremely receptive to your advances. When you escalate, she?ll escalate too. When you pursue, she?ll lean into it. A woman who truly wants to be chased will make it very easy for you to go after her. You?ll have to make some moves and take the lead, but you?ll never have to push.
So, if you see those green lights, it?s time to chase her a little. Turn on your charm and make your move, because she?s already made hers.
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