Ranking the Backyard Baseball Characters

Ranking the Backyard Baseball Characters

Every baseball player remembers where they were when they first played this game. I got my game on the cover of aHoney Nut Cheerios box, you know, back when that was a thing.

Created by Humongous Entertainment, Backyard Baseball was a game that featured 30 every day kids, who were itching to play their favourite game.

Image for postThe Original 30 Characters

There are a ton of fun little nuances to the game, such as creative team names like the ?Humongous Melonheads?, my personal favourite, or the classic schoolyard taunts like ?we want a pitcher, not a belly itcher!?

You?re reading this post to figure out who the premier players in this game are. We?re out here trying to build championship teams, so let?s get started.

30a. Reese Worthington

For a guy who?s best skill is running and his bio reads ?He doesn?t like running that much,? man get out of here. He can not hit, he can not pitch; sporting a 2 and 1 in each category semi-respectively. I am struggling to find any reason to put Reese on this list. Another reason he is stuck on the bottom of this list, he suffers from the worst nickname and the worst theme music.

30b. Jorge Garcia

For a guy who?s eyes are bigger than his head, his hitting ability is somewhat suspect. Now I know what you?re thinking, how can a guy who has the worst attributes in the game, not be on the bottom of the list? I don?t have a good answer for you. I am drawn to his nickname and his theme music a little more than Reese ?Big Toe? Worthington.

28. Kimmy Eckman

In my opinion, Kimmy is the least memorable player in this game. She has a terrible nickname, a terrible theme song. The only reason Kimmy comes in at 28 and not 30 is because she has some power at the plate. Though she can be thrown out at first after singling to left field, she has the potential to hit the ball over the fence on occasion.

27. Billy Jean Blackwood

Billy Jean Blackwood is just a better version of Kimmy Eckman, with a better theme song.

26. Sally Dobbs

The people from 26?30 on this list are pretty much interchangeable in their lack of ability on the baseball field. Sally is a decent option to man the hot corner (third base), and with a nickname like ?The Boss? you would hope she?d have a better theme song.

25. Ronny Dobbs

An exact replica of his sister, I am giving Ronny the edge because he looks to be about 5 years younger. He doesn?t give off the confidence to be a baseball player, it doesn?t help his shorts come up to his chest.

24. Lisa Crocket

Apparently she?s an unreal fighter, but her nickname is the only reason she comes in at 24. 10 out of 10.

23. Gretchen Haselhoff

Jabberjaw is an incredibly strong nickname. Other than that, nothing else going for her.

22. Marky Dubois

A hillbilly who looks like a beaver with a French last name. Marky Dubois doesn?t look like the most athletic person in the world but he is surprisingly good at baseball.

21a and 21b. Ashley Webber and Sydney Webber

Apparently these two are dynamic when they are on the same team, however I don?t remember drafting either of them at any time. So the idea that they suck when they aren?t on the same team is a very real possibility.

19. Dmitri Petrovich

The kid is an absolute unit who can hit the ball a country mile. He would be ranked higher if he could do anything else on the field. Strengthening his case is his nickname, being a ginger while being nicknamed ?Paste? is very on brand.

18. Tony Delvecchio

He?s a got a great nickname and a great theme song. However, Tony Delvecchio has nothing else going for him. He apparently has a ?cannon? for an arm, but only is a 2-star pitcher. Makes we question a lot about him.

17. Ricky Johnson

Ricky is one of my favourites in this game. He does nothing spectacularly well but he also does nothing poorly. He is a good option to put behind the plate because nothing happens there. He?s got a great theme song and a strong nickname.

16. Maria Luna

Maria has something going for her on this list. She is equally good at hitting as she is fast, and in a game that can be error plagued, she is a good option to have on your team. She?s also a solid fielder which makes her a viable option to have on your team.

Her nickname here hurts her, but she makes up for it with one of the best theme songs in the game. If that song doesn?t get you hyped to have Maria on your team, you should probably play a different game.

15. Amir Khan

Amir is another player I like who is low on this list. He?s a decent hitter for his size. Like the Webber twins earlier, I do not know if there is any reason to believe he gets better when playing with his brother or worse when he doesn?t.

Amir would be higher on the list if Root Beer was not his favourite drink. That drink stinks, facts.

14. Annie Frazier

Annie doesn?t like to run, but that?s okay because she can flat out hit the ball. She?s one of the most powerful players in the game, male or female, and for that reason alone she starts off my top 15.

She?s statistically the same as Maria, who came in at 17, but Annie ?Flipper? Frazier just rolls off the tongue a lot better.

13. Ernie Steele

Only reason Ernie comes in at 14 is because he looks like a character straight from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. He can?t hit and for someone with long legs like he has, he?s not all that quick either.

He makes up for it with a strong arm and maxed out fielding, making him the best 3rd baseman in the game.

12. Luanne Lui

Her bio says it all, ?One of the fastest in the neighborhood.? Which in a game that allows stealing, makes her a strong candidate to be on any team. She?s not the best hitter so it forces you to get creative on how you plan to use her, but once she?s on base, she?s a threat to score every time.

11. Angela Delvecchio

One of the few players in the game with maxed out pitching, making her a valuable asset to any team. However, her lack of ability to do anything else in this game hurt her chances of cracking the top 10 portion of this list.

10. Mikey Thomas

First person on our list to have maxed out batting. Mikey can?t do a whole lot else, but at the very least he will be on base for your better hitters to get him, granted that ball probably has to be a home run because Mikey doesn?t move very quickly.

9. Vicki Kawaguchi

Vicki is a stud, flat out. She has maxed out running ability; maxed out fielding ability, and nearly maxed out pitching. She?s a viable option to play anywhere in the field making her a valuable asset to any team.

She?s not quite as good as her older brother who will come later on in this list; but the Kawaguchi family is just pumping out high quality ball players.

8. Dante Robinson

Look at that afro, then look at the hat just resting on top of the afro. Dante is easily the player in the game with the most swag. He?s lightning quick, and unlike Vicki who?s behind him on this list, Dante is a better hitter, making him slightly more valuable.

7. Jocinda Smith

The first female on the list who has maxed out hitting. This would put Jocinda higher on the list because along with her maxed out fielding, she can play literally any position on the ball diamond.

The reason Jocinda isn?t higher on this list is no fault of her own, just that the players ahead of her ar better.

6. Stephanie Morgan

Though Stephanie is a worse hitter and fielder than Jocinda and a worse fielder, Stephanie is a more valuable asset to any team because her favourite position is shortstop. She?s the next goddamn Derek Jeter.

5. Keisha Phillips

The female Barry Bonds should definitely be higher on the list, a potential member of the 30/30 club, yet she?s only coming in at number 5. She has a solid nickname and a solid theme song. To no fault of her own, that?s just how good the next four players are.

4. Pete Wheeler

To describe Pete Wheeler as fast isn?t fair to the word fast. His ability to do everything well on the baseball better than practically everyone else, while also being the fastest in the game should make him a clear cut number 1. However, he does suffer from a lot of swing and misses and that hurts his ranking.

3. Achmed Khan

Pure power. All or nothing. Achmed will commit some of the worst errors in the game, but man he will make up for it at the plate. Theoretically Pete is the better player on the list, but you will not be disappointed by Achmed?s output in the game.

2. Kenny Kawaguchi

His bio says it all. Don?t let the wheelchair fool you, Kenny is a dang good player. He?s by far the best pitcher in the game with an unbelievable curveball. Despite being in a wheelchair, Kenny is a better than expected hitter.

Add all of this together, plus him having the same name as me, Kenny is the second best, and second most valuable player in the game. You won?t be disappointed in having him on your team.

  1. Pablo Sanchez

Did some say Goat? This is the easiest selection in the game. This is the most obvious pick in the game. There?s literally no other competition for the greatest of all time. Pablo?s biggest weakness is pitching, where he still sports a 3 rating. That?s the only thing keeping him from being perfect.

Combine his insane baseball skills with his the best theme music in the game, Pablo is a must have on any team. Not having Pablo on your team will actually make your team feel significantly worse than it is.

Taking all this into account, Pablo is without question the greatest player in the game.

After all this, I would like to offer my picks for the best starting nine. I will put out the batting order and the positions in which they would play.

  1. Pablo Sanchez (RF)
  2. Kenny Kawaguchi (P)
  3. Keisha Phillips (CF)
  4. Achmed Khan (1B)
  5. Amir Khan (3B)
  6. Pete Wheeler (2B)
  7. Jocinda Smith (LF)
  8. Stephanie Morgan (SS)
  9. Vicki Kawaguchi (Catcher)

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