If you read my last post then the film I chose was Joe Carnahan?s The Grey (2011). I skipped the whiskey. Alcohol still isn?t on the cards for me. But I needed something that would help me escape for a few hours. 6 minutes in and Liam Neeson has a gun in his mouth and I?m thinking ?maybe this wasn?t the best choice when your mood?s low?. But then the quote above comes along and I remember the point of the film, a fight for survival, and suddenly my choice makes perfect sense. See here I am once again, fighting to survive the sudden, aggressive charge of anxiety. Watching this film I start to realise, ?hell it could be worse, I could have been in a plane crash and hunted by wolves in freezing conditions?.
What I love most about the medium of film is how it speaks to me when I need it to the most. I have a knack for picking a film to watch at just the right moment in my life,were the themes or story are just what I need to hear. In my head I was thinking ?you need Shawshank? but something stopped me from picking it. I haven?t quite hit that point yet. The point I have hit is where I wake every morning with a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. I don?t want to spend my days alone but everyone I know is in work. By the time deadlines close, interviews are arranged and people are hired, It could be another month before I see a change in fortune. So I?m filling my time with writing. And as many films as I can squeeze in. Some DIY about the house and a lot of cleaning helps pass the time.
Back to the film. If you?ve never seen it I highly recommend it. Marketed as ?Liam Neeson vs Wolves? it is so much more. A tale of survival in the harshest conditions against the worst odds. And here I am complaining that I?m not working and comfortable financially. But then that?s what anxiety does to you. It can?t be helped it just takes over. I start overthinking things again, I stop concentrating on the film. Then, a scene where the survivors stare down a bunch of wolves gets me thinking. Stare down your problems. Don?t run away. Face them head on. I?ve been trying. I have an interview next week, meetings with some people who can hopefully help and I?m being as proactive as I can be. But as anyone who suffers from anxiety or depression knows, you can only do so much before it takes hold again. But from here on I will try to be more positive. Not just about the future, but about where I am in life. There are millions of people worse off than I am. And I need to remember that daily. That as bad as things seem, I can be grateful that I?m still in the position I?m in. At least I know my first love will always be there to help. I don?t know where I would be without films. They teach me so many life lessons that they replaced the father I never had growing up. Maybe that will be the subject of my next post. The lessons I?ve been taught by cinema. But for now off I go into the fray, into the last good fight I?ll ever know ? and I plan to live on this day.
