Lessons Learned from “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz

Lessons Learned from “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz

In the atmosphere of sharing, I will be sharing with you all some awesome knowledge gained from a book. I know a lot of people do not have the time and energy to sit and read a book from cover to cover. Therefore, I?m just gonna share some insights I gained from the book.

I read this book in December last year and I can say that applying it this year 2019 has improved my life for the better. I hope it improves your lives also.

Insights are shared from the book ?The Four Agreements? by Don Miguel Ruiz

Image for post?The Four Agreements? by Don Miguel Ruiz

Disclaimer: A very very large percentage of this post are excerpts from the book. I extracted a few paragraphs with major points to share with you.

The book begins by explaining how our attention is hooked and how we grow up with so many agreements. Growing up, we learned how to behave in society, what to believe, what not to believe, what is acceptable, what isn?t acceptable, what is good, what is bad, what is beautiful and what is ugly, what is right and what is wrong. It goes on and on

Even language is an agreement. Every letter, every word in each language is an agreement. It was not our choice to speak English, same way you don?t choose your religion or moral values from birth. They were already there before you were born. We never choose even the smallest agreements. We didn?t even choose our names.

?There are thousands of agreements we have made with ourselves, with other people, with our dream of life, with God, with society, with our parents, with our spouse, with our children. But the most important agreements are the ones we make with ourselves.?

?In these agreements, you tell yourself who you are, what you feel, what you believe, and how to behave. The result of what you call your personality?

He said that ?one single agreement is not such a problem, but we have many agreements that make us suffer, that make us fail in life. If you want to live a life of joy and fulfillment, you have to find the courage to break those agreements that are fear-based and claim your personal power?

Now that?s was the whole point of the book. To teach us about agreements and to show us 4 powerful agreements that will help us to break those agreements that come from fear and deplete our energy. Living your life with these four agreements will transform your life in amazing ways and instead of living in a dream of hell, you will be creating a new dream ? ? your personal dream of heaven.

THE FIRST AGREEMENT: Be impeccable with your word.

Your word is the power that you have to create. Your word is the gift that comes directly from God. The word is so powerful that one word can change a life or destroy the lives of millions of people.

Being impeccable is not going against yourself. When you are impeccable, you take responsibility for your actions, but you do not judge or blame yourself. Being impeccable with your word is not using the word against yourself.

The human mind is like a fertile ground where seeds are continually being planted. The word is like a seed and the human mind is so fertile! When you become impeccable with your word, your mind is no longer fertile ground for words that come from black magic. Instead, it is fertile for the words that come from love.

You can measure the impeccability of your word by your level of self-love. How much you love yourself and how you feel about yourself are directly proportionate to the quality and integrity of your word. When you are impeccable with your word, you feel good; you feel happy and at peace.

Be impeccable with your word. This is the first agreement that you should make if you want to be free, if you want to be happy, if you want to transcend the level of existence that is hell. It is very powerful.

Therefore, use your word in a correct way. Use the word to share your love. Use white magic, beginning with yourself. Tell yourself how wonderful you are, how great you are. Tell yourself how much you love yourself. Use the word to break all those teeny, tiny agreements that make you suffer.

Be impeccable with your word

THE SECOND AGREEMENT: Don?t take anything personally.

Whatever happens around you, don?t take it personally. Here?s an example from the book: ?If I see you on the street and I say, ?Hey, you are so stupid? without knowing you, it?s not about you; it?s about me. If you take it personally, then perhaps you believe you are stupid. Maybe you think to yourself, ?How does she know? Is she clairvoyant, or can everybody see how stupid I am??

You take it personally because you agree with whatever was said. Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.

He said, ? even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their minds.?

If someone gives you an opinion and says, ?Hey, you look so fat,? don?t take it personally, because the truth is that this person is dealing with his or her own feelings, beliefs, and opinions. That person tried to send poison to you and if you take it personally, then you take that poison and it becomes yours.

The way you see a movie is according to the agreements you have made with life. Your point of view is something personal to you. It is no one?s truth but yours. Then, if you get mad at me, I know you are dealing with yourself. I am the excuse for you to get mad. And you get mad because you are afraid because you are dealing with fear.

Whatever people do, feel, think, or say, don?t take it personally.

He said, ?If they tell you how wonderful you are, they are not saying that because of you. You know you are wonderful. It is not necessary to believe other people who tell you that you are wonderful. Don?t take anything personally. Even if someone got a gun and shot you in the head, it was nothing personal. Even at that extreme?

Wherever you go, you will find people lying to you, and as your awareness grows, you will notice that you also lie to yourself. Do not expect people to tell you the truth because they also lie to themselves. You have to trust yourself and choose to believe or not to believe what someone says to you.

When you make it a strong habit not to take anything personally, you avoid many upsets in your life. Your anger, jealousy, and envy will disappear, and even your sadness will simply disappear if you don?t take things personally.

There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally. You will only need to trust yourself to make responsible choices. You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you. When you truly understand this and refuse to take things personally, you can hardly be hurt by the careless comments or actions of others.

Don?t take anything personally

THE THIRD AGREEMENT: Don?t make assumptions

We all have the tendency to make assumptions about everything. The problem with doing this is that we end up believing that they are the truth. The usual pattern is that we make assumptions about what someone does or thinks, we misunderstand the whole situation, then take it personally and end up creating a whole big drama for nothing.

Because we are afraid to ask for clarification, we make assumptions, and believe we are right about the assumptions; then we defend our assumptions and try to make someone else wrong. It is always better to ask questions than to make an assumption because assumptions set us up for suffering.

I?m sure we can all relate to this. Sometimes we assume and attach meanings to how a friend asks. We assume we know what they are thinking. We believe that we do. And most times, we are wrong. They are all based on assumptions. Assumptions that has set us up for suffering.

Let me use an example from the book: ?You are walking in the mall, and you see a person you like. That person turns to you and smiles and then walks away. You can make a lot of assumptions just because of this one experience. With this assumption, you can create a whole fantasy. A whole dream begins to form just from your assumptions and you can believe, ?Oh, this person really likes me?. In your mind, a whole relationship begins from that. Maybe you even get married in this fantasyland. But the fantasy is in your mind, in your personal dream?

Another example from the book: ? You decide to get married, and you make the assumption that your partner sees marriage the same way that you do. Then you live together and you find out this is not true. This creates a lot of conflicts, but you still don?t try to clarify your feelings about marriage.?

?The husband comes home from work and the wife is mad, and the husband doesn?t know why. Maybe it?s because the wife made an assumption. Without telling him what she wants, she makes an assumption that he knows her so well, that he knows what she wants as if he can read her mind.?

?She gets so upset because he fails to meet her expectations. Making assumptions in relationships leads to a lot of fights, a lot of difficulties, a lot of misunderstandings with people we supposedly love.?

He said that ?We don?t need to justify love; it is there or not there. Real love is accepting other people the way they are without trying to change them. Also, if others feel they have to change you, that means they really don?t love you just the way you are. So why be with someone if you?re not the way he or she wants you to be??

The way to keep yourself from making assumptions is to ask questions. Make sure the communication is clear. If you don?t understand, ask. Have the courage to ask questions until you are clear as you can be and even then do not assume you know all there is to know about a given situation.

Find your voice to ask for what you want. Everybody has the right to tell you no or yes, but always have the right to ask. Likewise, everybody has the right to ask you, and you have the right to say yes or no.

If you don?t understand something, it is better for you to ask and be clear, instead of making an assumption. The day you stop making assumptions you will communicate cleanly and clearly, free of emotional poison. Without making assumptions your word becomes impeccable.

The third agreement sounds easy but it?s pretty difficult to do because we are so used to doing the opposite. Therefore, take action over and over again. It?ll strengthen your will and establish a solid foundation for the new habit to grow. After many repetitions, these new agreements will come second nature and you will see how the magic of your word transforms you.

Don?t make assumptions

THE FOURTH AGREEMENT: Always do your best

The fourth agreement is the one that allows the other three to become deeply ingrained habits. It is about the action of the first three.

Under any circumstance, always do your best, no more and no less. But keep in mind that your best is never going to be the same from one moment to the next. Your best depends on whether you are feeling wonderful and happy, or upset, angry, sick, tired, or jealous.

Regardless of the quality, keep doing your best ? no more and no less than your best. If you try too hard to do more than your best you will spend more energy than is needed and in the end your best will not be enough.

When you overdo, you deplete your body and go against yourself, and it will take you longer to accomplish your goal. But if you do less than your best, you subject yourself to frustrations, self-judgment, guilt, and regrets.

Just do your best? in any circumstance in your life. It doesn?t matter if you are sick or tired. If you always do your best there is no way you can judge yourself. And if you don?t judge yourself, there is no way you are going to suffer from guilt, blame, and self-punishment.

When you do your best, you learn to accept yourself. But you have to be aware and learn from your mistakes. Learning from your mistakes means you practice, look honestly at the results, and keep practicing. This increases your awareness.

You know you?re doing your best when you are enjoying the action or doing it in a way that will not have negative repercussions on you. You do your best because you want to do it, not because you have to do it, not because you are trying to please the judge in you, and not because you are trying to please other people.

God is life. God is life in action. The best way to say, ?I love you, God,? is to live your life doing your best. The best way to say, ?Thank you, God,? is by letting go of the past and living in the present moment, right here and now.

You were born with the right to be happy. You were born with the right to love, to enjoy and share your love. You are alive, so take your life and enjoy it. Say no when you want to say no, and yes when you want to say yes. You have the right to be you. You can only be you when you do your best.

The first three agreements will only work if you do your best. Don?t expect that you will always be able to be impeccable with your word. But you can do your best. Don?t expect that you will never take anything personally; just do your best. Don?t expect that you will never make another assumption, but you can certainly do your best.

By doing your best, the habits of misusing your word, taking things personally, and making assumptions will become weaker and less frequent with time. If you do your best always, over and over again, you will become a master of transformation.

When you honor these four agreements together and live by it, you are going to have a beautiful life. You are going to control your life one hundred percent. If you fall when trying to keep these agreements, do not judge yourself. Stand up and make the agreement again.

If you break an agreement, begin again tomorrow and again the next day. It will be difficult at first, but each day will become easier and easier until someday you will discover that you are ruling your life with these four agreements. And you will be surprised at the way your life has been transformed. Just live one day at a time.

Be impeccable with your word Don?t take things personally Don?t make assumptions Always do your best

Disclaimer: A very very large percentage of this post are excerpts from the book. I extracted a few paragraphs with major points to share with you.

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