Final Fantasy X-2 is a weird, pop-infused sequel to Final Fantasy X, where Yuna and her gal-pals travel around Spira and have weird adventures that would be side-quests in any other Final Fantasy game.
But none of that really matters! No, what matters most in X-2 are the Dresspheres, the Jobs of other Final Fantasy titles. They?re the most exciting part of X-2, where Yuna, Rikku and Paine change between different outfits in fun Magical Girl-esque transformations in the middle of battle to use different abilities.
But the question that?s never been asked (or maybe it has, I don?t know): how good do these Dresspheres look? Today we?re going to get an answer.
Yuna, Rikku and Paine each get a rating on a 10 point scale. We?re ignoring the special dresspheres, sorry.
Let?s get started!
Yuna: This is her ?default? outfit in game, and it does general justice? I normally wouldn?t be into the tattered chest, but it forms into her symbol so she gets bonus points instead. Functional, but fashionable. Not sure about that half-skirt, though.
Rikku: Those boots really don?t work with the pants, I?m sorry. Same half-skirt but in yellow? Nope. It?s not as bad as some of her other outfits though, so she gets some pity points.
Paine: She has a pirate-vibe going on, which I dig. She was also smart enough to not make her half-skirt so long, which gives her bonus points. Colors are good. Only thing keeping this from a perfect score is the completely unnecessary exposed midriff that looks like it was cut out of a cheese grater.
Yuna: I?m not fond of this dressphere in general, and think it looks bad on everyone. Of the three, though, Yuna pulls it off best. Strong colors and a cool skirt.
Rikku: It?s her default, so a bit of thought was put into it. The yellow actually works in her favor for once! But the dreads get a hard, hard pass.
Paine: Girl what is you doing. The heels. The weird thong-thing?just, no.
Yuna: What is it with this game and cheese-grate midriffs? If this shirt was fully formed the whole outfit would be a 10. As it stands, I must take points off, but then add points back on because posing like Tidus and using Brotherhood is a nice touch. Though I wonder how Wakka feels about that, to be honest.
Rikku: She actually does alright here! The colors are nice, and using Auron?s sword is cool. Not sure about the boots, but we?re going to give Rikku the wins when she can get them.
Paine: If this were anyone else it?d be a hard pass. But Paine is just emo enough to pull this look off. None of it makes any sense and I love every bit of it.
Yuna: This is actually one of my favorite outfits of hers. It feels the most like something a human might wear in real life or during a performance, which is more than I can say for most of these outfits. That shade of blue is perfect!
Rikku: She looks like a teen idol that immediately lost popularity halfway through her career.
Paine: What? What is this? Did she dig up Elvis? corpse, take his outfit, and then somehow manage to make it worse? I?m literally losing oxygen right now.
Yuna: Killed it.
Rikku: Killed it.
Paine: Killed it.
Yuna: It?s so?safe. I feel nothing looking at this.
Rikku: Why did she make her cuffs look like the flaming dragon shirts I wore in middle school.
Paine: Now this is what I?m talking about! Paine took the White Mage and made it punk. I am in awe. It?s crazy how much of a difference taking your hood off makes.
Yuna: I dig the purple, and the necklace is great. Still very much unsure about these half-skirts, however. And I?m worried about those little?screws? Is your dress nailed in, Yuna? How do you get out?
Rikku: Gonna need you think twice about those stockings, sorry.
Paine: This was SO CLOSE to being perfect. But the checkered pants just throw the entire thing off. I can?t stop staring at them. They?re bad.
Yuna: I?m feeling everything in this outfit except for the gloves. The crown is a nice touch.
Rikku: Remember when I said most of Rikku?s outfits were bad? Yeah. I?m sorry they made yellow your primary color, Rikku. You could have been more than this.
Paine: Paine walked into a crowded casino with a cigarette and is going to take all your money. And you?re going to love every second of it.
Yuna: Finally, Yuna?s half-skirt shortens (even though it?s still half a skirt, which still makes it weird). Normally I wouldn?t be into big shoulder pads, but the look actually works here.
Rikku: Holy crap, another good Rikku outfit! I?m getting strong Samus vibes, here, and that?s a good thing.
Paine: The weird vertical straps throw everything off. Also, purple and orange are not a winning combination.
Yuna: She looks like she?d get on your MySpace page and give you the ole? ?rawr XD? combo. But I guess it works? Maybe on a system with more polygons it could do more. The fur is good though.
Paine: She looks like she came out of the CGI Beastwars TV show from ?96. I mean this mostly in a good way. The colors clash but those horns are just chef?s kiss.
Yuna: Yuna goes the 100% traditional route here. Not too flashy, but it gets the job done.
Rikku: I actually really dig this outfit! The skirt is bomb, it?s practical while still having that Rikku flair, and the helmet is great.
Paine: Not gonna lie?don?t really know what?s going on here. The pants look like 80s dancer rejects, and the giant buttons on the sleeves make her look like an old-fashioned toy from the 60s. That?s gonna be a no from me, dawg.
Yuna: This is almost a ten, I?m just not sure about that clown/pirate hat hybrid. Everything else comes together well, though.
Rikku: I love my spiky unicorn girl. This is also one of those instances where the yellow is turned down a bit, which gives it bonus points as well.
Paine: This isn?t just emo?this is?advanced emo?
And that?s all of them! I hope you enjoyed this fashion walkthrough. Just for fun, let?s see how the points total up:
Thanks for reading. No, seriously, thank you, I can?t believe you got this far.
Samer Farag is a writer, artist, designer, and pop culture critic. He loves music, books, games, and hamburgers. Follow him @eightbitsamurai for your daily dose of bad opinions.