You?re not, but you?ve convinced yourself you are anyways.
?Beauty has so many forms, and I think the most beautiful thing is confidence and loving yourself.? -Kiesza
Growing up, I was always the ugly friend.
My best friend in high school was a beautiful blonde with sky blue eyes and full hips and the boys thought that she was as beautiful as I did.
Despite my jealousy, she was the best friend I ever had and for the longest time we were inseparable.
She never made me feel ugly. She never made me feel as though I was less than her. She made me feel beautiful-in my own way.
In high school, we spent most of our free time together. We had the same friends. We went to the same parties. When we would go out, the handsome boys would cling to her and I would get the leftovers.
Like attracted to like.
I got used to it after a while, but it still stung. I wished that just one boy would notice me first.
Of course, I never said anything to her about it. I never admitted that I was jealous.
Eventually, we grew apart.
In college, I had a new friend.
She was just as beautiful, but in very different way. She was tall and brash and loud, with long, long legs and big breasts that the guys loved. She had a very pretty face too.
I, on the other hand, was the gangly, awkward tag along. Not terrible looking, but nothing really special either. I had mousy brown hair and plain brown eyes and a tiny chest with these big, thick hips. I wore glasses and didn?t wear makeup and most of the time I hid what little curves I had beneath sweatpants and baggy t-shirts.
I had grown very comfortable in my role as the ugly friend and so I didn?t want to draw any attention to myself. I downplayed my features. I hid in the corner while she shined.
And for the longest time, I was very comfortable there. I didn?t have to worry about rejection in my darkened corner.
Like my high school friend, my college friends loved me very much. They told me I was beautiful even when I didn?t believe it myself.
But just because they tell you you?re beautiful, doesn?t mean that you?re still not the ugly friend.
You know you?re the second choice. You know you?re the backup. You know you?re the one the good looking one asks his homely friend to keep busy.
It does something to you, being the ugly friend.
For one thing, you begin to doubt your own beauty.
You begin to see beauty the way the men who reject you see beauty. You see everything that your friend has, long blond hair and blue eyes, and know that you don?t have it. You convince yourself that you can?t be beautiful unless you look like them.
For awhile you try to be, you dress like them and do your makeup like them and let them do your hair. But then you learn that even this doesn?t work. You?re still second best. And so you give up.
You embrace your role as the ugly friend. You hide behind baggy clothes and avoid ever dressing up and doing your makeup, because you?re afraid to be rejected after trying so hard.
You get down on yourself. You tell yourself how ugly you are and when your friend tries to tell you that she thinks you?re beautiful you tell her that she?s wrong.
Eventually, she stops trying to convince your otherwise and so the self doubt grows. You?re sure in your belief that you?re ugly, because even your bestfriend doesn?t tell you otherwise anymore.
You don?t flirt with boys or try to make friends when they?re around because you?re secretly afraid that everyone else likes them better than they like you.
You spend your life constantly comparing yourself to them and so eventually you become resentful and your friendship begins to splinter.
You don?t realize this at first though and so you think that you?ve just grown apart. But the truth is that you?re hurting and you?re broken inside. You want to feel beautiful and proud of yourself and so you have to get rid of the one person that makes you feel so badly.
You end up alone.
You end up without the friend that you loved so much. You give up the late nights on the phone and the inside jokes and the all the wonderful times you spent together.
You tell yourself that you don?t need to be friends with her. In fact, you don?t need to be friends with any woman. You hate being friends with women. You?d rather be friends with guys because there is less drama.
But the truth is that you?d rather be friends with them because they don?t make you feel so bad about yourself.
You just don?t realize that until it?s too late.
After so many years, you?ve internalized being the ugly friend and once you break free, you never want to go back. You never want to have another beautiful, strong woman to lift you up because you let your own doubts and negative self talk break you down.
It doesn?t have to be this way though.
Listen to your friends when they tell you that you?re beautiful.
Break the cycle.
You are not the ugly friend.
Sure, your friend may be the most beautiful woman you know, but what do you have that they don?t?
I guarantee that they see something on you and wish that they had it.
You are beautiful and there are plenty of people in this world that can see it.
Your friend sees it. They try to tell you otherwise, but you don?t listen. You secretly think that they believe that you are as ugly as you think that you are.
They don?t. They wouldn?t tell you that you?re beautiful if they didn?t really think so because real friendships aren?t built on lies.
If you don?t want to be the ugly friend anymore than you have to accept the fact that you are beautiful. You have to yourself be confident. Show yourself off. Stop hiding. Stop fearing rejection.
You have to get out there and curl your hair and rock that dress and heels and smile and flirt when the boys come up to you. Bask in the spotlight for the moment and know that you deserve it.
Your friend will be so proud.
Most importantly, you must stop comparing yourself to your friends.
Comparison truly is the theft of joy.
You must believe them when they tell you that you?re beautiful.
You must let go of your belief that you are the ugly friend.
