Just yesterday I wrote a post talking about two things people can do to keep their relationships healthy. That article wasn?t intended only to people who are in a love relationship, but for everyone who has friends, family, lovers, etc.
This post will be intended to people who want to be together with someone, to people who want to have a love relationship with a person at a certain point in life.
I?m writing this because I had some good and bad experiences with all kind of love relationships, and I thought I could share one thing in discovered after a all of them.
It?s a simple trick, something that can help you avoid bad relationships in the future, something that will help you find someone you really like, someone that has a lot in common with you.
Keep in mind that this is not a ?must do? when it comes to love. This is just a little advice that can help you find the type of relationship that you may like more than what you would find in a normal ?dating ? love? experience.
The method is pretty simple ? become friends before becoming lovers, no the other way around.
Let me explain this better.
Stop dating everyone you like
How does ?finding a partner? work? Well, there is not only one way of finding someone, but the generic method is pretty simple ? go out, in a club or anywhere that isn?t your house, find a girl or a boy you like, see if they like you back, spend a little bit of time together, then go on a date, and then if everything goes okay, be together.
It?s something pretty basic, something a lot of people do, something most of our parents did.
Well, that?s one of the reasons so many people have a divorce. It?s the reason a lot of people have a lot of arguments in their relationships and why a lot of people come to understand they don?t have a lot in common, at least not as many things as they first thought.
Now, what?s their mistake?
Well, the mistake I can see is that they rushed it. They met, they liked each other, and boom, all of a sudden a relationship appeared. Maybe it happened in a week, maybe it happened in a month, rarely it happens after years.
And that?s the biggest mistake ? people start being together without getting to know each other well enough. In my experience, everyone is doing their best to appear as better people in front of others at first, and that can last for a really long time.
I usually make fun or look with superiority at people who say ?We?ve been together for two months, I know him better than anyone?, because that?s a big load of bullshit.
I had people that were friends with me for years and they barely knew anything about me. I had a girl I liked that refused to be together with me, and even refused to be my friend any more, because after years of being friends and spending time together, she barely knew 2% of who I was.
We can spend entire years with someone without even knowing who they really are. I estimate that the normal person will take at least one year before revealing things about themselves. Other people will take at least three.
So no, if you?ve been together for 6 months, you don?t know him or her. You know pretty much nothing.
Start becoming friends, above all
Now here?s where things become fun. Becoming friends with someone means you two can share things, means you two can get to know each other better, and spend time together, all that without obligations.
And that?s the best thing you can do if you like a person. I had a lot of experiences of being together with girls I really liked, just to find out after a few weeks or months that they were nothing I expected.
Did that happen because they didn?t tell me everything? Not really. It happened because I was too excited to be together with that person that I forgot she has a personality too, and she may like things I don?t like, for example going out and party, or say sh*t about people when they are not around.
But becoming friends before lovers means you two can share things about each other. You can share a lot of things with the other person without feeling bad, or scared that they won?t like you any more.
And that?s exactly the way I do things now. Whenever I see a girl that I really like, before anything, I try to become her friend. I don?t want to become her boyfriend, I want to become her friend, and that?s it.
I?m okay with being in the friend zone. I?d rather be there than have a 2 months relationship that will end up with me realizing she?s not the one, and that I wasted so much time being with someone I don?t really like.
I?d rather be in the friend zone for two years and get to know that person better than anyone before being together with her. Why? Because then I will not get surprised by her doing something weird.
By then I would know most of the things she does, because I was her friend, and she told me things, or she did things in front of me that she wouldn?t do in front of others.
I saw boys in relationships being disgusted when seeing their girlfriends burp. Why? I have no idea. Most girls I become friends with feel comfortable with burping when we?re together.
This may seem gross, but it?s something natural that will happen at some point in your relationship anyway. I usually get used to this, so if I?m in a relationship with a girl, she?ll feel comfortable with doing this while being with me, and I won?t be surprised if it happens.
Not only that, but I?ll get to know her behavior in certain situations better if I?m her friend for a long period of time. I can see how she behaves when she?s angry, when she?s tired, when she?s happy, etc, and I won?t get any unpleasant surprises because of that.
Then, become lovers
Being the best friend for your lover, before actually becoming her or his lover can be one of the best things you can do. You two will know each other better than anyone, you two will be used to how the other does things, and because of that you?ll have less negative experiences towards how the other person behaves.
And that?s more than awesome. Most people I know broke up because they found out they don?t have as many things in common as they thought. Sometimes they broke up because they were bored of each other after just a few weeks, since they were really different people with really different interests.
Finding someone that has similar interests to yours, and becoming friends with that person, and then lovers, may help your relationship last longer and be better than most relationships out there.
You?ll both know each other better, you?ll learn what things you two enjoy that can be done together, you?ll also learn what each person is interested in, and how to cope with each other?s interests.
And all that because you didn?t become a couple after a week of knowing each other, but after investing some time into discovering the other person and becoming friends.
So, what?s my advice?
I don?t say you should never date anyone you don?t really know, or that you should always become the other person?s friend before being a couple.
But sometimes this can help your future relationship more than you think. Even if you have a person you like right now, or even if you have a partner already, you can start becoming his or her best friend if you never did it before.
I say this because there are a lot of couples out there that are lovers, but not friends. There are a lot of people who love each other, but that?s all the interaction they have. They don?t do things together, they don?t have common interests, they barely watch movies together.
But they are both in a relationship, and they love each other. Sometimes that?s just okay, but sometimes that won?t last for a very long time, and in the worst scenario, one of them may even cheat on the other because they got bored of the relationship.
It?s not something you HAVE to do, but it?s something you should do. Getting to know your partner or your future partner, not just as a lover, but as a person in general, and becoming his or her best friend can help you both be happier and have a better experience together.
The best love relationships I had were those where my lover was also my best friend. We had a lot in common, we had fun most than anything, and besides that, we also loved each other. For me, that?s the perfect kind of relationship.
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