With some creativity, your home is already a well-equipped dungeon: A budget-friendly DIY-BDSM guide.
I stand by my rehashed statement that there?s no ?sex-tool? more significant than our voices, but that doesn?t mean that other toys and tools can?t add a little extra spice to our normal routines.
Many are curious about BDSM but think it requires a closet full of gadgets. You can go all out online, or at your local McHurt (yep, that?s what my closest BDSM toy-shop is called), but the truth is that you don?t need to.
Your home is your dungeon
With the power of your mind, aka your creativity, that wooden board with a handle; the one you used to serve your inlaws a lush cheese spread last weekend, makes for a wonderful wooden spanking paddle.
Oh, that?s sooo wrong, you say? I know! ? And that?s exactly what makes it sooo very right? Plus, your partner deserves a bit of punishment for letting his parents stay past ten anyway. At least ten strikes!
A large part of sex happens before we?re even naked. And trust me, once your everyday objects start moonlighting as their naughty alter-egos, mundane tasks, such as doing dishes next to your significant other can potentially be a steamy affair. From now on, running the sponge over that previously innocent wooden spatula will make you both blush and giggle. And don?t even get me started on the chopsticks?
This is not a clothespin
When I?d just started to dip my toes into the world of kink, I was chatting with a guy and his lover about a potential threesome, when one of them added a picture of a clothespin. While the other responded with a ?haha-emoji?, little, innocent me remained silent and wondered what the hell they were on about.
It didn?t take many weeks of experimenting until I was caught up, and I still remember the aha-moment when, after having had my nipples clamped for the first time, I sorted through my drawers and found the jar of clothespins and went, ?aaaaahaaa, ? I get it!?.
That day, said clothespins were relocated from the kitchen to a box under my bed ? I never used them for their intended purpose anyway ? and they?ve had a much richer ?life? since.
A lewd mind makes you live longer
Ok, I made that up, but we all know that laughter is the best medicine and that it also reduces stress. I wrote an article on the importance of playfulness in sex, and how it comes with numerous physical and mental health benefits.
The further ?corrupted? I got, trips to the hardware store upgraded from bland tasks to blood-tingling adventures: possibilities were everywhere! It?s quite extraordinary what a dollop of healthy perversion sprinkled with creativity can do to enhance the most humdrum of duties.
To get you started, please allow me to take you on a guided tour of the sexy-tools you didn?t know you owned:
Sensation Play
Sensation play refers to activities that engage the senses, and as a sensualist through and through, I love nothing more. This type of play ranges from sensory deprivation to overstimulation and involves tickling, scratching and temperature play.
Feathers
Do you own a feather duster? A feather you collected on a hike? A bag of colored feathers in your box of crafty-materials?
Bring ?em out, blindfold your partner and give them a sensual tickle from top to toe.
Scarves / Ties
You don?t need to be a creative genius to realize that you can use these as blindfolds. They?re also useful for a bit of entry-level bondage. No further explanation needed.
Ice cubes
While your partner is blindfolded, duck into your freezer and come back with a chilling surprise.
Start slow glide them over your partners body; they feel wonderful on the nipples too! If you want to be extra naughty, you may insert one to cool down her ?hot-box?. (wink-wink).
Candles
Move from cold to hot with candle wax! I love the thrill of hot wax dripping on my body, especially when I?m blindfolded and can?t see when or where it will hit next.
Caution | Candles sold especially for wax-play burns at a lower heat than regular candles and therefore hurts less. If you choose regular candles, paraffin wax candles ate safest, while beeswax candles should never be used as their higher melting point will blister the skin. In any case, keep a safe distance from the body to not burn the skin, and always test with a drip or two first. Avoid sensitive areas, such as genitals, the face, and other places with very thin skin. Lastly, beware that this can get really messy, so putting down a large sheet is a good idea.
Fernando @dearferdo via Unsplash
Nipple Play
Never overlook the nipples. They can be the source of so much pleasure; some require nipple stimulation to orgasm and others can climax from nipple play alone.
Apart from breathing, licking, kissing, and tickling, pinching can feel great too. Other than your hands, you likely have at least one of the following around the house:
Clothespins
Fairly soft, wooden clothespins make the perfect clamps for beginners, or for more sensitive nipples.
These can also be used everywhere else on the body; along the waist, inner thighs or even on the outer labia (in that case, you may want to reconsider returning them to the laundry room after).
Pain levels | The longer they?re kept on, the more it hurts when removed. The more skin you clip with each pin, the less it hurts. For added pain, rip them off instead of opening them. Plastic clips are more painful than wooden ones.
Fun tip | For more ?hard-core? play ? and if you have a thing for drooling ? clip one on the tip of your partner?s tongue.
Pro-tip | Use a piece of string and connect several pins by clipping over the string before attaching to the skin. Place the pins fairly close together, about an inch or less apart. Remove all of them at the same time by pulling the string, quickly in an outward motion.
Metal paper clips
Letter-clips can be used in similar ways as clothespins, but usually hurt a lot more, making them great for nipples that like it more rough.
Chopsticks
Next time you get takeaway sushi, save those single-use chopsticks and add them to your sex-toy box.
For more advanced level nipple-play, attach two chopsticks together with rubber bands at the very ends of the sticks. Pull the sticks apart and clip them over the nipple. For added intensity, move the rubberbands closer to the center.
Impact Play
This refers to any kind of slapping, spanking, hitting, and whipping. Whether you like it light or hard, you already have multiple options around the house.
If you?re new to impact play, stick to the meatier areas around the butt and the upper part of the thighs. Never hit anywhere close to the spine, around the organs or behind the knees.
Your hands are the best tools to start with, but here are a few tried and tested alternatives:
Wooden spatula
These are great and their intensity level can easily be varied from very light to harder. The thinner the tool, the more it hurts.
Of course, you can also use your plastic and metal kitchen tools, try them out and err on the side of caution. Never use anything with sharp edges or points.
Wooden cutting board
These make excellent paddles and are an upgrade in intensity from the spatula.
Rug beater
If you want to get all old-school ?English Discipline?, go with your grandma?s classic rug beater. They also look super badass!
Ruler
Speaking of traditional English Discipline, how about some roleplay? The headmaster has to punish her student for slacking off with their homework, and her weapon of choice is, of course, the ruler ? and perhaps the back of a book. Make your bad pupil count the strokes!
Leather belt
Belt spanking requires a bit of practice and precision and provides higher intensity. Belts can also be used for light choking or to tie wrists or ankles together.
Plant support
You might have a bamboo plant support lying around? These are popularly used as canes, as they?re cheap and easy to come by. Canes are mean as hell though, and an acquired taste, so go easy to begin with.
Caution | Hard caning stings and can create hefty bruises and welts.
Miscellaneous
I could go on and on because our homes are literally filled with potential spanking devices. I?ve had innovative partners who?ve utilized all kinds of stuff that was lying around:
Most creative spanking tools tested include the back of a wooden shower scrub, a bent metal clothing hanger, a rolled-up bath towel (hurts way more than it sounds), a drain unclogger coil (ouch!!!), and a garden hose (even more ouch!!!).
A beautiful collection of spanking tools by Ryan Christodoulou via Unsplash.
Words of caution!
Keep it fun and playful; there?s no need to step out of your comfort zone, especially if you?re new to BDSM.
Whatever you do, don?t spring anything on your partner without clarifying and getting consent first. Don?t introduce something you haven?t discussed while your partner is blindfolded (unless we?re talking feathers and maybe the ice cubes). If you?re experimenting with impact play, establish safewords first and pay close attention to your partner?s non-verbal signs.
Play safe and have fun!
