Photo by Frederik Trovatten on Unsplash
I very rarely write articles like this. Ones that don?t really have a lot of hope. Ones where I say what?s been on my mind for while with little regard to whether people will like it or not.
But friends, I?m past wanting to be liked.
If you want to read me, fine. If you want to comment nasty stuff, fine. If you want to disagree with me, fine. If you unfollow me, fine.
I?m through with caring.
My relationships have fizzled out recently. I?ve caught a lot of heat from nasty people on social media..
I?ve spent hours of time I don?t have helping people who don?t care and who, sometimes, even turn on me months later with an article that was clearly written for me.
Or a tweet.
Or an email.
The truth is it?s easy as hell to be nasty on the internet ? and I?m starting to see all the colorful shades of people as my platform grows and grows.
And its got me in a really crappy mood ? largely because I believe in people. That?s my message. But now I?m starting not to. I?m questioning how I spend my time.
I?m wondering why I?m spending 4 hours going back and forth with someone on Twitter or even 15 minutes writing an email to someone who didn’t like a tiny aspect of my FREE EMAIL COURSE about Medium trying to win them back as a reader.
I mean, damn, it?s free.
Let me get into what you clicked on this article for. Prepare for some truth bombs ? I don?t care if they land on your feelings.
1. People Are Really Insecure (Even When They Say They Aren?t)
Fun Fact: When people comment on your articles disagreeing with you, you can pretty much chalk that up to insecurity.
Like, I know you?re going to say that?s wrong and that people just want to have a discussion but you have to think about human psychology for a second..
God forbid you present something to somebody that doesn?t match up with their worldview.
You know how many times I?ve commented on an article saying I disagreed with that author in the last two years?
Like, I?ll just let them be wrong. Or I?ll consider that I?M wrong.
For the longest time I didn?t understand why people responded like that.
Like, why the hell do you need to go out of your way to tell somebody they?re ?GROSSLY? wrong about something?
How does an article effect someone enough to make them sit down in front of their computer for two hours and write up a response?
Insecurity. Among other reasons.
People don?t care about changing your mind. They care about making themselves feel better.
You wrote something that a lot of people are agreeing with (because of the claps) but they don?t, and they want to ?re-stake? their idea?s relevance solely because it hurts them to think they may be wrong.
So they write you a book. Because it feels good to be heard. It feels good to tell yourself ?You?re okay, this is okay. You?re actually right, see? A lot of people are clapping for your response, you can go to bed now.?
God forbid we?re wrong.
Insecurity is the cause of most clashes.
2. People Will Turn On You At A Moment?s Notice
The other day I got into a 5-hour tweet storm with somebody. It wasn?t a ?Trump-Level? tweet storm ? well ? actually it was. ?
That?s fine and dandy. I?m going to talk about what I learned from that tweet-storm later..but what surprised the crap out of me was how people I had emailed back and forth with/talked to for months began to turn on me.
People that had read me since late 2016.
I was floored.
No regard for my character was given. No regard for who I was as a person was given. They just turned. Like a zombie. That?s actually a really fitting comparison.
I didn?t even start attacking anybody on Twitter ? I was simply defending the ideas of a video I put out from someone who ?had to disagree with me? publicly.
Like, damn. I gave some of these people so much.
But people forget. People don?t give a damn what happened before.
People turn. Expect the same to happen to you.
3. People Are Only In Your Life For Seasons
I could say you?ll keep all your friends until the day you die and that your relationships will age like fine wine?
But I could also say that unicorns exist.
Doesn?t make it true.
Most of my friendships have come and gone. Some have come and gone a few times ? but they haven?t really stayed.
4. Give, But Don?t Give Too Much
I probably waste about 30% of my work day giving to people that will never come in contact with me ever again.
You?re probably going to say that?s not a waste because it?s good to help people/good karma but I?m going to tell you to hold your horses on that.
I want to help people that are decent ? so it was a damn waste.
I want to help progress people that are WORTHY of being progressed.
I don?t want to help people that just want to milk me for all I?m worth. It?s time I start acting like I have 21,000 followers and stop responding to literally everybody that wants my attention.
My attention is valuable.
I?ve said this twice in this article already..
You give so much because you care and want them to succeed ? and they return it with sarcasm and digs and ungratefulness.
This hurts. This makes you not want to give anymore. This makes you feel stupid for giving in the first place.
I?ve learned most people are just out for number 1 (even though they don?t know it ) and they won?t much pay attention to sh*t you did for them.
I understand, too, that we should give without expectation of return..
But damnit don?t waste your time on people that take without giving back. You deserve to be appreciated. Appreciation makes us happy. So go where you?re appreciated.
5. People Won?t Say They?re Wrong ? So Stop Trying To ?Make Them See Differently?
Shit, when?s the last time you heard someone say they were wrong?
I?ve written about how the internet can be a great device to grow because you put your ideas out there, people respond with theirs, and you?re able to now sharpen your original ideas/self because of it.
This is not how it works in the real world.
The above belief assumes that both parties treat each other well and are willing to change their opinion about something.
Most times how this works is someone first calls you a bunch of names and then angrily gets their point across then calls you a bunch more names before they slam the door on the way out.
Like, cool, I guess you have REALLY strong feelings about MY FREELANCING ARTICLE..
Thanks for that?
Why not go debate somebody about something important, like gun control or something?
Hell, why debate at all?
I used to live in this rosey-colored utopia world where I thought the internet could help us overcome differences with civil debate.
Like, damn, I grew up with the internet ? how could I be so stupid?
There is no debating here. There is mostly only hate and name calling and anger and arguments that seem 100% correct on the surface but are so far from the truth it?s ridiculous.
But we frame it nicely to make our way seem right because, again, God forbid we?re wrong.
People aren?t going to say they?re wrong.
Just accept it.
6. Most People Associate With You Because They Want Something From You
This multiplies in truth when you get big on the internet. When you have influence.
You have people that comment on your pieces and you think it?s 100% genuine and you?re enjoying the conversation but then you get an email from them a month later that?s 19 minutes long asking you if you can help them promote their new ebook/course.
Like, damn dude, was THAT all you commented on my articles for?
Some people do this and are genuine (aka Matthew Kent ? Matt I wanted to tag you so you KNOW I don?t think this of you). But 99% of the others just want something. Secretly.
The whole jab, jab, jab right hook thing doesn?t work for me. Don?t even throw the right hook. In fact, if you do it right I?ll probably throw the right hook FOR you. That?s how thoughtful I can be.
Shout out Gary Vaynerchuk.
7. You?re Not Going To Please Everybody, So Take A Stand
Recently I got into it with someone about a video I made featuring the Philippines. It?s called ?The Philippines Is Not Dangerous.?
It?s meant to redeem this great country in the eyes of so many who heard the news about ISIS and martial law and even the killing of drug dealers and think this country is a freakin? lawless warzone.
I made the video because many Filipinos are upset about how their country is portrayed in the media.
In fact, I made this video at the request of someone from the Philippines who follows me. So I did it.
This got AN AMERICAN butthurt. It got three AMERICANS butthurt, actually. I have no idea why because they don?t give an actual f*** about the Philippines (or else maybe they would?ve gone for 30 days like me ? or visited it sometime in their lives).
Or, ya know, talked to a Filipino at some point.
They said I left out a couple parts. They said it was irresponsible. They said I didn?t know what I was talking about.
Ironic that a bunch of people who have never gone to the Philippines before told someone who has that he doesn?t know what he was talking about, isn?t it?
That?s not the point. The point is that every country is dangerous. Every country has its downfalls. Yes, I could?ve spent my time on that video outlining all 3,950,198,304 you can die in the Philippines.
The loose glass above that one restaurant on that one street corner in Manila. That one rogue coconut tree that likes to drop coconuts on the head of innocent bystanders (it?s fatal sometimes). Don?t forget! You could get run over by a tricycle!
I assume we all knew that every country is dangerous in their own way.
Hell, America has mass shootings all the time.
My point was that the Philippines (and Mindanao specifically) is not a lawless wild, wild, west dictatorship where people are out to kill you at every turn.
GENERALLY, it?s safe. I?ll stand by that until the day I die (to some that might happen in the Philippines). I?m done joking now.
It?s funny that I heard zero Filipinos complaining about my video ? in fact, it has over 400 shares on Facebook and 11,000+ views at the time of this writing.
It?s the Philippines. It?s a beautiful country. It has its problems, but so do we, right?
Maybe one day I?ll talk about their problems in more detail, but for the MAYBE 1?2 Americans that ACTUALLY decide to go to the Philippines because of my video..I trust you?ll not only make it out with your life (I can?t believe I seriously have to write that) ? but you?ll have the time of your life as well.
You?re not going to please everybody.
Take a stand.
?You have enemies? Good. That means you?ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.?
? Winston Churchill
Stop Caring So Much ? I?m Talking To YOU
I think the core of getting hurt by people stems from caring.
We care too much about people. We care what they think, if we hurt them, or if we?re doing enough FOR them.
My advice to you?
Stop giving a fuck.
Give, but give less.
Accept people are going to turn on you.
And take a stand. Have conviction. What does it matter if you disagree anyway? Nobody is really going to change (let?s be practical here).
NOTE: There are a few people that do change. A few that are good apples. A few that will stay with you until the day you die..
But this happens EXTREMELY rarely.
Live your life. Care less.
That?s my new recipe for happiness.
It?s working well so far.
Sign up for my email list, I guess. Just don?t bother sending me hate mail. ?