Jealousy: A frustrating feeling that we?ve all experienced in one way or another. Jealousy can be that tightening in your chest when you see your partner laughing with someone else or the sweat on your palms and the bad butterflies in your stomach when a coworker gets a promotion over you.
It?s okay to feel jealous once in a while but if we?re not careful, jealousy can drive toxic behavior and turn people against their closest friends. The scary thing is, many friendships harbor these negative feelings below the surface.
Like a shark hiding beneath the waves.
To help you discover what?s hiding below the surface, here are 6 signs if someone is secretly jealous of you.
1. They constantly compete with you.
Is there someone constantly competing with you in school at work or at the gym? They?re always trying to outperform you? Do you feel the tension every time you score higher on a test or run longer on the treadmill?
Friends are supposed to support each other but this kind of friendship feels stressful and uncomfortable. In a 2016 study, Onk and others found that jealousy makes people more competitive. Your friend may be envious of your intelligence or your ambition or your talent.
They feel inferior so they?re constantly searching for ways to prove their worth to you and to themselves.
2. They undermine your success.
When you do accomplish something, how does your friend react? Did they celebrate your success? Are they genuinely happy for you? If someone is secretly jealous of you, they undermine your achievements.
Imagine you just finished a passion project. Something you?ve been working on for months. You?re excited to show your friends, but instead of congratulating you they put you down, They may say that anyone could have done it.
The truth is, your friend might be hiding feelings of envy. They minimize your accomplishments because they don?t have any of their own.
3. They gossip about you.
Jealous people use every opportunity to tear you down. When you leave the room, they jump at the chance to ruin your reputation. They spin your stories, they put words in your mouth, accuse you of things you never did.
To make matters worse, jealous people frame themselves as caring and compassionate. They?ll twist stories to others, claiming they?re just ?worried about you,? and they?re ?looking out for your well being.? But they?re only interested in themselves and how they seem to come out on top when talking you down.
4. They give false compliments.
Have you ever had someone give you a compliment and wonder if the compliment was genuine? A jealous person tends to tell you something nice face to face then when you?re not around, they gossip or tell lies about you behind your back.
Do they allow a long silent moment before telling you that you?ve done great this could be a sign that someone isn?t genuine and is jealous of you.
5. They?re overly attached to you.
Not all jealous people are malicious or angry. In a 2015 study, Rodriguez and others found that jealousy can drive people closer together. Not in a good way.
You might know someone who?s always asking for your attention. They text you constantly, they want to spend time together every day. It feels like you just can?t get rid of them.
Attachment is a little known sign of jealousy. Someone latches onto you when they?re envious of you. They?re like leeches. If you?re confident, creative, and outgoing, they migh try to steal your personality for themselves.
They want what you have, so they stay close to you.
6. They?re copy cats.
Jealous people may copy your likes, dislikes and decisions. They?ll start to dress like you, talk like you, behave like you. In their mind, you?re like a celebrity. This person wants to live the kind of life you?re living instead of making their own choices so they copy everything you do.
The copy cats are never satisfied. They might spend years imitating others without discovering what really makes them happy. Overtime, copy cats become resentful and toxic, so don?t let these jealous people affected you too deeply.
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