The year was 2012. 15-year-old me was flipping through my TV guide desperately looking for something to watch. I came across a movie with an interesting title. I clicked on the info button to see what it was about. ?Jesse Eisenberg? The guy from Zombieland?? I asked myself as I read the cast list. This had to be interesting. I turned the movie on and was instantly transported into what I consider the best 2 hours of my life. It was full of drama, suspense, and the second-best Spider-Man to date (Andrew Garfield). All in all, 11/10 movie, WOULD recommend. ?Come on, Emily, just cut to the chase. What movie are you talking about?? Okay, fine, I?m talking about The Social Network. I was just trying to build some suspense, but obviously, it didn?t work.
If you don?t know what The Social Network is, I?m so sorry. It really is one of the best movies out there. It?s all about how Mark Zuckerberg created Facebook and all of the backlash and drama that came with that. We learned about how he basically stole the idea from the Winklevoss twins and then backstabbed his best friend Eduardo Severin just because he could. It?s also about how Mark Zuckerberg got through all of this and has become one of the richest people alive. It?s a true zero-to-hero-to-zero-to-hero story, like Talladega Nights. The Social Network is so good because it?s an in-depth look at something that we use all the time. It?s one of my top 10 favorite movies.
Back in 2010?2012, Facebook was an internet giant. Everyone had one. Some would even say that it was cool. Nowadays, Facebook is a wasteland. The bigger it?s gotten, the more changes it?s made, and I?m pretty mad about it. Facebook isn?t the same website it used to be. It used to be a place where you could connect with people and see what they?re up to. You could share little details about your life, and you could share and find articles about things that interested/entertained you. It?s not like that anymore. It?s not a social media platform anymore. Facebook is more like an online one-stop-shop where you can post about how much you hate Bill Clinton in the year 2019, read a very true and very believable article about how the end of the world is coming in 6 months, and sell your child?s used toys to strangers. It just does not make sense to me. Bottom line: Facebook sucks, and I hate it. I could make a list of about a million reasons why I hate Facebook, but I feel like 5 is a good number for now. Anyway, if you need me, I?ll be playing Farmville. I?ve got crops to harvest and cows to feed. (Enjoy.)
1- The News Feed
Did you know that the Facebook News Feed isn?t chronologically organized? It?s totally okay if you didn?t because it?s the most infuriating thing I?ve ever come into contact with.
I was flipping through my timeline today (Tuesday) and saw a post from Thursday in the middle of it. Thursday. Really? If I didn?t like the post on Thursday, then I sure as heck will not like it 5 days later. My opinion on the post didn?t change; it?s still a bad post. Facebook?s algorithm is BUSTED if it thinks I?d like to see pictures of you and your boyfriend eating at a Wendy?s 5 days after you had originally posted them. I just don?t get it. Chronological timelines made so much more sense. Now it?s like I see the same things every day because they?re ?popular? and Facebook thinks I want to see them. I?m not sure why people are staying silent on this because this is literally what keeps me up at night.
Ads not only appear on my timeline; they COVER my timeline. I can?t even log onto facebook.com to read posts from last Thursday without seeing at least 5 ads. That?s just excessive. Not to mention the fact that these ads are created based on our Google searches (and some would say our?conversations?) and internet history. In sum, ads are invasive and annoying. I guess Mark was spending too much money trying to cure every single disease known to man, so he turned to the only thing that can make you money on the internet: ads. I?m all for ?getting that bread? or whatever, but not when it comes at an inconvenience to me. *Regina George voice* stop trying to make ads happen, Mark. They?re never going to happen.
3- You Can Follow People on Facebook
I don?t understand this feature, so I can?t and won?t elaborate on it. Just know that I hate it. It?s the worst thing that Facebook has rolled out. Just let me unfriend people the organic way.
4- Graphic Posts
Facebook has finally given us a way to be loud on the internet without using all caps. I have never seen a good graphic post. It?s always something so cringe, and it is the sole reason why I have adult acne.
I wasn?t even going to include this reason because it?s kind of whatever, but I saw one today that sent me over the edge. For your viewing pleasure, here it is:
Bad grammar + graphic design + silliness = instant clout
5- Facebook Watch
I won?t watch a Facebook original series, especially when one of the characters on one of these shows is named Minnow. It just won?t happen! I also will not pay Facebook to watch a show. I have Netflix AND Hulu for this very reason. Mark Zuckerberg and Jeff Bezos are in some kind of Space Race-esque feud to see who can get the most money, and it?s starting to affect my day to day activities. I just can?t take it anymore. I mentioned earlier that Facebook is mostly ads, and 3 out of the 5 ads that I?ll see on my timeline are about Facebook Watch. I will be emailing the Winklevoss twins AND Eduardo Severin to tell them about this and apologize about how horribly they?ve been treated. This isn?t what I thought Facebook would become.
One thing that I?ve realized while writing this is that none of this is our fault. Facebook has become the way it is because of the higher-ups. The people who make decisions. These money-hungry jerks have created a hard to navigate and inconvenient website that gets worse and worse every day. No matter how much we complain, they?ll keep doing the same things. Sooner or later, Facebook will end up imploding, and Mark will have no choice but to just shut it all down. In the words of Batman, ?you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.? Facebook, with its out of order timeline, constant ads, weird features, graphic posts, and attempts to be a streaming site, has become the villain, and it?s only a matter of time before it finally dies.