How to know if you?re falling in love with your new date
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You want to build a committed relationship and you?ve just met someone new. You?re dating, it?s nice, however, you?re not really sure how you feel about them and whether they?re worth pursuing. Some might think that this uncertainty is already a sure sign that the magic isn?t there. But experience has shown me that feelings are complex and that there are many reasons why it?s not always obvious that we really like someone and whether it?s worth giving them a chance.
It might be that you have been hurt in the past and you don?t want to open your heart again too soon. You feel disconnected to your emotions as a way of protecting yourself and you?re not sure about how your date makes you feel. Or, it could be that you don?t know how to read your own emotions because you?re not used to it. Yet you still want to find a special someone.
Love rarely comes straight away: it?s a feeling that grows with time. Yet, there are a few signs during your first two or three dates that can easily tell you if they?re more than just a fling. Here are five questions you can ask yourself to better understand how you feel towards someone.
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1. What emotions do I have when I?m around him/her?
Check-in with how you feel: what emotions does this person arise in you? The more positive and uplifting they are, the better the chances you might like them. The following emotions are strong markers of liking :
- happiness: you feel happy and smiley when you?re with them
- impatience/excitement: it?s hard for you to wait until you see them again
- something about them has moved you in some way
- surprise: they manage to surprise you in a good way every time
- respect: you feel a lot of respect for who they are, what they?ve lived so far and where they?re heading in life
- curiosity: you want to know more about them, their hopes, their dreams?
Pay attention to where you feel your emotions physically in your body as well. Your body gives you tons of messages about situations and people, it?s just a question of listening to them. Do you feel shivers when they touch you? Do you have goosebumps when they?re around you? Do you feel butterflies in your stomach? Knots in your chest or throat? All of these can be positive but also, in some cases, a warning that something is actually off. You?re the only one to know at that moment, and you need to trust your own judgment on that.
If you?re having none of these feelings, and you just find them nice but there isn?t anything special other than cordiality or you having a good time, then they probably haven?t triggered anything strong in you that?s worth pursuing.
Sometimes, discomfort can arise and even though it?s not necessarily an easy feeling to have, it can also be a good sign that you are positively challenged by the person if it drives you to want to explore more. However, if they make you feel weird, afraid or unsafe, they are not what you are looking for and it?s best to back off.
2. If this person was to get out of my life tomorrow, how would I feel about not seeing them anymore?
Sometimes when I?m not sure about someone, I try to connect with how I would feel if this person wasn?t around anymore. Of course, the answer depends on how long you?ve known a person for, but I believe that even in the early days of meeting someone, if you feel like not seeing them wouldn?t make a big difference to you, then they probably haven?t caught your attention in a way that is special enough to give them a chance. When you’re truly into someone, you usually feel as if it would be a shame to leave it there and you might experience regrets for instance, or maybe sadness if one of you were to call it off tomorrow. That?s a sure sign you?re growing into liking them.
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3. How does the idea of spending time with him/her make me feel?
This is a really good one to know if you?re really into someone. How about your willingness to make time for them? How strongly do you want to see them? Are you keen on it and looking forward to it, or is it just a case of seeing them some time? Even if you don?t harass them to meet up (and please don?t because it?s weird!), wanting to spend time with someone is a sure sign that you are really interested in them. If you’re not sure, if you?re bored or if the thought of it doesn?t bring out any strong positive emotion in you, then they?re probably not the right match for you. If you feel excited, impatient or happy at the idea that you might see them soon, then you?re on the right track!
4. Do I feel like I want to hear from him/her when I?m not with them?
That?s another one I always try to keep track of. It?s also linked to missing someone. Even though it might seem a bit much to miss someone you?ve just met, I think that feeling still happens if the connection is there and the person has touched your heart in a way that is special enough. Do you wonder how the person?s doing when you?re not with them? Are you curious about where they are or how they feel when you?re apart? Check how you feel about this, and if the answer is no then this person is probably not meant to be your next partner. A friend maybe (not sure even)?!
5. Do I feel like I want to learn from this person?
The last point, but not the least. Looking up to someone can be a sign that they are a strong match for you. Relationships are about growth, and growth happens when the other person challenges you in a positive way and inspires you to become a better version of yourself on a daily basis. If you can see them as a ?teacher?, someone who?s one step ahead of you in parts of their life (not all of them because ideally, you want to be at similar stages to be able to build something together!) and has achieved things and developed skills or behaviors that you are striving towards, you could end up liking them a lot. And it?s important that they feel they can learn from you too so that you both feed each other?s soul and grow towards your own higher selves, in a partnership.
When you say you want to be with someone, what you really mean is that you want to learn from them. Can you identify skills, behaviors or achievements that they?ve developed that appeal to you? Do you respect them enough to let them in your personal sphere and influence your life? That is a sure sign you?re growing into liking them more than you think. We are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with, so your partner better be someone who inspires you positively each day!
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These 5 questions are only a guide to deepen your understanding of how you feel in the first weeks or months of a relationship. Dating and finding the right partner is tricky, and it?s easy to get caught in the trap of settling for someone we actually don?t really care about just for the sake of not being alone.
Yet, I believe that the purpose of a relationship is to help us grow as a person. Whilst dating someone, what we should focus on above all else is how the other person makes us feel, and not on what they feel or think about us. You are enough on your own and there will always be someone out there who will love you for who you are. But true happiness and sustainable love grow when we actually look inside ourselves, understand what we want and go for a special person who makes us feel that spark and really deserves our heart. And often they will come to us at the most unexpected times in the most unpredictable ways: that?s when we experience true lasting magic.
Want to read more about love and relationships? Check out my featured article ?Why do you want a partner in your life?? and be sure to leave a comment if it has helped you in any way!
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