You Don’t Want a Tight Pussy

You Don’t Want a Tight Pussy

You think it?s tight what you want, but it?s toned

Image for postPhoto by tommy boudreau on Unsplash

There is way too much discussion around the tightness or looseness of vaginas ? and too little about what really is important: vaginal elasticity. It?s not only that the terms we are using are wrong and not descriptive enough ? for everything is relative ? but also because the tightness of a vagina, as a notion is extremely loaded.

Tight is used as a positive word, while loose is on the other end of the spectrum, signalling something negative. It is also ? mistakenly ? linked to a woman?s sexual capabilities, attractiveness and moral characteristics.

There is a wide-spread belief that vaginal tightness is related to the low number of sexual partners ? virgins have the tightest vaginas and promiscuous women?s vaginas get loose from the lot of action. It is believed that childbirth ruins the vagina forever. It is said that a tight vagina will increase pleasure for both parties ? as it creates more friction. Also, a tight vagina is equal to being a quality woman ? when it comes to sex.

Vaginal elasticity refers to the magical capability of the vagina to expand and contract. The vagina is elastic, made of muscles that fold onto each other and this allows it to stretch to accomodate things entering it (as a penis or a sex toy) or leaving through it (think about babies). Its muscles stretch and retract ? like an accordion or an elastic band ? but regardless of the stretching, it is able to snap back to its previous shape.

It is true, that is can become slightly looser with age or with giving birth ? but the tightness or looseness are defined by a lot more factors than just these external ones.

The myth of a loose vagina is for nothing but to shame women ? without real objective explanation. After all, if you think about it, a loose vagina isn?t of someone who has a lot of sex with one partner, it describes a woman who has more than one sexual partners throughout her life ? which is let?s face it, the majority of women.

But it doesn?t matter who you have sex with, how many of them or how often ? penetration won?t cause permanent loosening of the vagina, not even if the penis is of an enormous size.

Following the societal script we buy in the tight/loose vagina myth, just as we carry with ourselves the virgin-whore dichotomy to describe characters and inflict shame. It?s not only guys, but also women who care too much about how tight a woman is ? usually to please their partners or avoid the shaming.

The sheer number of available ?solutions? to address vaginal looseness is frightening ? from lotions, the husband stitch after childbirth and all sorts of plastic surgeries.

We buy into the myth and we think we want it tight. But in fairness, a tight vagina is not such a good thing, and the term you are looking for is not tight but toned.

Let?s have a look at them:

Being tight isn?t necessarily good

Contrary to popular belief, a tight vagina usually signals some underlying concerns. It can be due to lack of arousal or in extreme cases, due to vaginismus.

When a woman is aroused, the vaginal muscles relax to make room for the penetration. It gets filled with blood and it will self-lubricate. If you are not turned on, your vagina won?t relax, won?t stretch, won?t self-lubricate and although the penetration is still possible, it might cause discomfort or even pain.

So, unless you prefer (and you shouldn?t) to have sex with someone who is not really into it ? you should be happy about the loosening of the vagina.

In extreme cases, a very tight vagina signals a medical condition: Genito-pelvic pain/penetration disorder is the name of the conditions formally known as vaginismus and dyspareunia. Vaginismus is a terrible condition that results from involuntary contraction of the vaginal muscles.

For some women, (with primary vaginismus) it means they have never had penetrative intercourse. For others (secondary vaginismus) it means they used to be able to, but they are no longer able to be penetrated. It can occur in sexual and non-sexual occasions ? such as trying to insert a tampon or medical examinations.

It can be a result of non-sexual mental disorders, sexual, relationship or other source of stress or a side-effect of medication.

Tightness ? as an objective notion ? doesn?t suggest anything good. It?s not an accomplishment, it?s a state.

Sex can?t make a vagina looser

First of all, our vaginal tightness is just as unique to us as any other part of us. It has nothing to with the size of our bodies or the width of our hipbones. Looking at someone ? even naked ? won?t ever give a suggestion how tight they could be, as it has no external signs.

So, our tightness is a given ? it is what it is. But what is a lot more important than being tight, is being healthy and toned.

As part of our sexual health, but contributing to our overall health, too ? women need to take care of their pelvic muscles.

There are only two factors that can influence the vaginal elasticity:

  • Age can be an influence, especially after hitting 40, because the decrease of oestrogen in the female body causes the vaginal tissue become thiner, drier, less acidic and less flexible.
  • Childbirth is the other influencing factor that changes the elasticity ? however not permanently. After giving birth, it?s natural that the muscles expand to give enough way for a baby to push through it ? but in a few days or weeks the muscles snap back to normal. Following a couple of childbirths, it can feel looser than before, but with the right toning exercises, it is possible to get back to a previous shape and elasticity.

You want toned, not tight

Contrary to popular belief, vaginal elasticity and preserving the good conditions of the vagina shouldn?t be done for sex ? at least not primarily.

While a nicely toned vagina can mean increased female pleasure, it also supports the bladder, the rectum, the small intestines and the uterus.

If you think about having a more powerful orgasm can be a great motivator, avoiding an accidental leaking of urine, or passing wind, having the constant feeling of having to pee and permanent pelvic pain or painful sex are even greater motivators.

But when it comes to sex, it does make a difference ? for the woman ? if her pelvic muscles are toned.

There is no plastic surgery or stitch that can strengthen and tone the vaginal muscles, as they are addressing different problems. But nothing works as simply as Kegel exercises do. Squeezing and relaxing vaginal muscles ? and repeating them a few times daily can already work like magic. It?s free, it?s easy, it?s invisible. You can drive, travel or queue ? squeezing is always an option.

There are descriptions and apps, even challenges for this. It couldn?t be easier.

Let?s celebrate women as they are

The loose vagina is a myth. The only two things that can loosen it is childbirth and age. We should celebrate both of them, instead of trying to come up with irrational and patriarchal explanations to shame women into being the creatures men have wanted them to be.

Age is a privilege that doesn?t happen to everyone. And especially when we are talking about mature women ? you should buckle up if you have the serious good fortune to have a relationship with one. Women in their twenties are great, brilliant, beautiful. Women in their thirties are determined, free-spirited and empowered. But women past their forties are your lottery-win. They know themselves, they know their bodies, they have a lot fewer fucks to give ? they will want you but they won?t need you. So, if the decrease of oestrogen physically contributes to the aging of their vaginal tissues, you can be a million per cent sure that they are doing their exercises to stay in shape. Not for any man to praise them for being tight ? but because this is part of their self-care routine and a safe way to better orgasms, regardless of the quality of their lovers.

Childbirth is magic. Whenever I got pregnant and saw my babies on scans, and felt them kicking inside me and then finally gave birth to them, I was always in awe ? how amazing the female body is to take two cells and make a whole life out of it. A fully functioning, perfect creature! How incredibly amazing it is! Just the ability of giving birth should already render everyone speechless ? so talks about how child birth is making the vagina looser is unnecessary, childish and immature. Let?s set our priorities straight.

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