An in-depth interview, with answers that may surprise you.
Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash
When we talk about sex, there are so many different aspects to consider. Sex means something different to each person you talk to, from oral, to penetrative, to foreplay, and anything in between.
I know I?m one of the lucky ones. The first guy I had sex with, consensually, was a good friend. We went on to have sex multiple times over the course of a couple of years, after our first time, and even had a few in depth conversations about our experiences.
But the most in depth conversation I?ve ever had about the physical feelings sex brings about, for a man, was with my husband.
When I?ve asked partners in the past how penetrative sex feels for them, I?ve gotten fairly simplistic answers.
They range from, it feels good to it feels freaking amazing.
While every woman loves to be flattered, I was going for a little more information.
Your mileage may vary, but here are the answers I received when I asked for in depth responses.
Are there significant differences between oral, vaginal, and anal sex?
Definitely. When I first started having sex of any kind, it was all oral, so of course, I thought this was the best thing, ever.
It still kind of is.
When you go from masturbation only to getting oral sex, your whole world changes. Even looking back and realizing the oral you were getting wasn?t the greatest, it?s still better than no oral at all.
The mouth is an awesome thing. It can feel hot or cold, depending on if you?ve just taken a drink, or sucked on a mint. The deeper you go within the mouth, the warmer the sensation is.
A mouth doesn?t get tighter, like a vagina or anus.
What does change is pressure. With the use of your tongue, lips, suction, and hands it can feel like 20 different sensations going on at once.
The difference with a mouth, as opposed to a vagina and anus, is I feel more across my entire penis. Different things. I can feel your lips sucking the tip, while your hands are stroking the shaft. I can tell when you?re changing pressure with your mouth, and feel the tip getting close to the back of your throat.
It?s one of my favorite parts of sex, in case you can?t tell.
So, what does vaginal penetration feel like?
Well you know how much I love oral, but vaginal sex is like coming home.
Not getting religious, but it feels as if our parts were made to come together. There?s no resistance really, a vagina is open to receive. It?s warm, wet, and fits like a glove.
There are ridges and bumps inside that stroke my shaft as I move in and out. If I move slower, she grips me tighter. If I speed up, the grip isn?t quite as tight, but it?s different and provides an alternate sensation which is equally appealing.
Position changes the feeling, too. The angle of penetration changes the pressure and the way she grips. For me, I?ve found rear entry (doggy or prone) causes a tighter grip.
I?ve heard men make the comment, ?any hole in a port?, and I can?t agree with this. Each woman feels different and brings something of herself to each encounter.
What about anal? Is it the wonderful, taboo thing it?s made out to be in porn?
Anal is great. But what makes it great, is the level of trust given by the person receiving it.
As for how it feels, that?s wonderful too, but a lot different than vaginal and oral.
The tightness factor comes into play only with entry. The sphincter is there to keep things from going in, so in doing its job, it doesn?t have a lot of give.
This is a sensation you won?t get anywhere else. And it?s amazing.
Once you?re past the sphincter, it?s like a smooth sleeve. Very warm and as wet as you?ve gotten it with lubrication you added.
The biggest difference is, the sphincter continues to grip you as you move in and out, like a hand giving you a hand job while you?re having sex.
Is there any such thing as bad sex, to a man? I?ve heard the answer to that is, yes, not having sex at all.
I disagree with that, too. As I?ve gotten older, I?ve come to realize I would rather have better sex than meaningless sex. That?s not to say I have to be in a long-term relationship with someone or even return to that person more than once.
Meaningful can be taking the time to get to know your lover?s body, even if just for a night. Helping a lover fulfill a fantasy. Being helped to fulfill one of your own. Meaning is ascribed by the person experiencing it.
What?s your favorite?
Sex with you, of course.
They are all different. On a perfect night, I love experiencing all three as they each have their perks for sure. But if I absolutely had to choose only one, vaginal is the way to go.
Your mileage may vary. Everyone is different and will experience different feelings with each encounter. But if we take the time to enjoy ourselves with our partner(s) coming from a place of knowing what they may be experiencing on their end, I think it opens our minds to new possibilities.
This is What Happens When Your Sexual Needs Are Met
It doesn?t start in the bedroom or with sex, at all.
Demeter deLune is a writer forged in the fires of desire. You can join her email list here.
Follow Sexography on Facebook and Twitter to stay up to date on upcoming news and featured stories.