So she keeps coming back for more
Photo by: Dean Drobot / Shutterstock
My feelings about blowjobs used to be neutral. I gave head, but I didn?t love it.
Sucking a guy off was something I did as a treat for him. I did it because it made me feel like I was better at sex because I was taking a cock in my mouth. Often, I just did it to be fair ? if he went down on me, I figured I should repay the favor.
That?s about as good as it got for me. It was never something I?d do for its own sake or because I really, deeply wanted to.
And a big reason for that is the kind of reactions my blowjobs got.
Every guy I gave head to behaved more or less the same way. Breathing heavily, but otherwise quiet. Taking a relaxed stance and keeping their hands to themselves.
It was like blowing a statue.
They barely showed any signs of life. But they wanted more, so I kept doing it even though I always got the same cold response.
I didn?t realize what a huge difference that response made.
I spent years wishing I was better at giving head and trying to learn ways to improve my technique. I never once thought about what it would take for a guy to be better at getting a blowjob and what my boyfriends could?ve done to make it a much better experience for me.
Because a blowjob is a two-person activity, even if it?s my mouth doing most of the work. And how the guy getting sucked off reacts to me slobbering over his cock is what makes or breaks my enjoyment of it.
I used to think every woman who said she loved giving head was lying. Now, I?m one of those women. And it?s mainly because my husband has become so damn good at receiving them.
I want everyone with a dick in their mouth to feel great about it. If you?re the one on the receiving end, here?s what you can do to make that happen.
Show Your Enjoyment
I know that some guys prefer to lie back and enjoy the feeling of having a warm, wet mouth on their cock. But just lying there stock-still and taking it all in quietly can make the gal who is giving you head wonder how much you?re really enjoying the action.
Don?t leave her guessing. Moan when it feels good. Groan when it feels great. Swear under your breath when it?s so fucking amazing you could sit there replaying that feeling for hours.
Showing your enthusiasm will make the girl who?s blowing you more enthusiastic about what she?s doing, too. And that?s going to result in a much better blowjob ? for both of you.
And it?s so much hotter when it doesn?t feel one-sided. Knowing that you?re present and in the moment makes it feel like it?s something you?re doing together, and it helps us feel skilled and desirable.
Use Your Hands
You can convey a lot of enthusiasm and appreciation with your hands.
Use them to give gentle, sweet touches on her skin. Stroke her hair or hold it out of the way.
If she likes things a little rougher, you can softly tug on the hair closest to her scalp. Get a firm but not too hard grip on it and make her feel like she?s yours in that moment.
Depending on the position she?s in, you might also be able to grab or smack her ass.
And of course, you can rub her pussy if she doesn?t mind the distraction. Sometimes, I prefer to focus on what I?m doing and get immersed in the blowjob, but stimulating her clit is usually a good move.
Touching her in a way that she enjoys shows her that you?re not checked out and that you?re being an active participant, so get busy with those hands.
Talk Dirty
Hearing some dirty talk when I?m going down makes me feel really fucking good. It shows me I?m doing such a good job that he can?t help but comment on it. And that?s extremely gratifying.
There are a lot of ways to talk dirty, and how you do it really depends on what she?s into.
Some girls like a little bit of humiliation or degradation and love the submissiveness and dirtiness of giving head. If your lady is that type, she?ll enjoy having your cock in her mouth even more if you tell her firmly ?You?re such a dirty slut. Only a slut would suck cock like that.?
For me, it?s praise that really gets me off. When I?m giving head, I don?t want to be called names or talked down to. But hearing ?that feels amazing ? you?re such a good girl? always makes me want to suck harder and faster.
If you?re not sure exactly what kind of dirty talk she wants to hear, it?s always a safe bet to just comment on what you?re enjoying. Saying a few things like ?I love the way your tongue feels? or ?You look so hot with my cock in your mouth? can go a long way.
Leave the Gagging Up to Her
I subscribe to a few porn sites, so I?m seeing the same thing all of you are seeing. Lots of deepthroating. Lots of gagging. Lots of women choking on dicks.
It?s one of those things that?s super common in porn, but that many women don?t enjoy all that much. For me, it?s even worse. It feels traumatic and can completely kill my arousal.
I?m aware that some women are very much into it. They love the way it makes them feel extra submissive. Or they like being the dirty girl who takes it all the way in. Some girls love pushing their limits and seeing how far they can go. Or maybe they just love the sheer feeling of having a cock in their throat.
But that?s going to be her call. If she wants to gag on your dick, she?s going to gag on it. There?s no need to thrust deep into her mouth, push her head down, or do any of the other things you?ve seen Tommy Pistol do to a girl?s face.
And if she wants you to get a little more involved, she?ll find a way to let you know. Either she?ll ask you to push her head down on your cock or she?ll give you a clear non-verbal signal. The first time I wanted my husband to fuck my face, I pulled on his thighs until he got the picture and thrusted into my mouth.
Otherwise, let her do the work. There are lots of other great ways for you to participate in the blowjob that won?t risk ruining it for her.
Give Her Feedback
I was giving my husband head last night and I noticed that a couple of things I was doing were getting strong reactions from him. His moans would turn to groans. He would tell me ?fuck, that feels good? at key moments.
I used that feedback as my guide. I still switched things up to keep it interesting, but I also made sure to keep wrapping my lips around his cock in the way he seemed to love so much ? over and over.
I gave a better blowjob because I followed his lead. But I could only do it because he was giving me an indication of what worked. If he moaned with the same intensity all the way through or never praised anything I did, I wouldn?t have known what to double down on.
Feedback matters because the girl going down on you doesn?t want to give you a blowjob ? she wants to give you an amazing blowjob. And that?s hard to do unless she?s getting lots of acknowledgement when she?s doing it well.
So, let her know how she?s doing, but keep it positive. Groan so she knows how good it feels when she swirls her tongue around the head of your cock. Tell her you?d love her to lick your frenulum some more. And if it?s just plain perfect, tell her not to change a single thing because she?s doing an incredible job.
If she?s the submissive type, she might even get off on having you actively coach her and guide her through it. If that?s the case, tell her exactly what to do to your cock and enjoy her obeying your instructions.
Warn Her Before You Come
Every woman loves making her partner come. But that doesn?t mean we want it to happen without warning.
Let her know you?re about to finish so she can be ready for it.
A heads-up gives her the opportunity to decide how she wants the blowjob to end. She might want to take her mouth off your cock and finish you with her hand. She might want to get in position and hold her tits up so you can come all over them. Or maybe she wants to grab the towel so things don?t get too messy.
And if she wants you to come in her mouth, there?s a good chance she doesn?t want to be caught off guard by it. Give her a chance to show you how eager she is for your come instead of surprising her with it.
Giving her a warning also lets her pull out all the stops to help you finish. When you tell her you?re about to come, she might decide to go hard or know to keep going steady instead of switching things up.
It?s just plain hot, too. Hearing a guy say those words is a big turn on for a lot of women. Don?t deny her that pleasure.
Practice Good Hygiene
If you?ve been up for hours, your morning shower probably doesn?t cut it. You?re going to need a little more maintenance, especially if you?ve gotten hot and sweaty during the day.
If you can, take a shower before getting down to it, or at least have a scrub up at the sink. It?s fine if your dick tastes like dick ? just make sure you take care of any funk that has built up.
She won?t want to spend a lot of time down there if the smell is off-putting. So, if you want longer and more frequent blowjobs, good hygiene is a must.
Manscaping is up to you, though. There?s nothing wrong with checking in with your lady to see if she prefers you to shave, trim, or stay all natural. But in the end, it?s your body hair and your choice.
Call It
A blowjob should be fun and enthusiastic. Be ready to call it when you can tell it?s no longer either of those things.
If she?s been going so long that she seems uncomfortable or has lost her gusto, you can move on to another sex act or even say ?this feels so fucking good, but if you need to stop it?s okay.?
Yes, she?s a big girl and she can stop if she needs to. But she might feel guilty about it. She could feel obligated to go as long as she possibly can. Or maybe she worries that you?ll compare her to your ex who could go for half an hour without getting a sore jaw.
Chances are she?ll appreciate you being a gentleman, so take the lead and end it before it stops being fun.
Know Her Boundaries
Every woman has her blowjob boundaries, and you have to be respectful of those.
The good news is that if she?s going down on you, her boundary isn?t ?no blowjobs.? But it might be something else. She could ask you to wear a condom. She might not want to get on her knees or be in any position that makes her feel submissive. Making eye contact while giving head might weird her out.
Whatever her boundaries are, be respectful of them (bonus points if you ask her about them, too). Don?t get weird about it or pressure her to bend them. If she?s not into balls, don?t push her to put them in her mouth. If she doesn?t want your hand on the back of her head, find somewhere else to put it. Just roll with it and enjoy all the things you can do within her limits.
Don?t Ask for One
I know this one is controversial, but I?m of the opinion that no one should ask for a blowjob. It should always be the giver?s decision and putting them on the spot is uncool.
As much as I think of a blowjob as a two-person activity, it?s not a super reciprocal one. There?s always one person giving pleasure and another receiving it. It should be up to the giver to decide if they want to do it.
There?s also no need to ask her. It?s a blowjob. She knows you want one. That?s the baseline position. I?ve never met a single woman who didn?t assume her guy wanted to have his dick in her mouth. Your preference to be blown is known, so there?s no need to put in a request.
Plus, the blowjob is always going to be better when she?s giving it because she really wants to. When she feels the urge to get on her knees and take you in her mouth, when she wants to hear the way you moan when she licks the base of your head, when she?s thinking about how hot you are and that you deserve some pleasure ? those are the times that you?re going to get some incredible, enthusiastic head.
The blowjob she gives just because you asked won?t be as special, won?t feel as good, and won?t make you feel desired.
So, let her offer it. Let her push you down on the bed and pull your boxers down. Let her decide that it?s your turn to get some oral action. Because the best blowjobs (for both of you) will be the ones you didn?t have to ask for.
When the Blowjob Isn?t to Your Taste
I?m aware that sometimes, the reason a guy doesn?t react enthusiastically to a blowjob is because he?s not enjoying the head he?s getting. As much as I?d like to think that a blowjob is like pizza ? when it?s bad, it?s still pretty good ? I?m sure it happens.
If you?re on the receiving end of a blowjob that isn?t great, make sure to still convey your enjoyment for the parts that do feel good. You don?t need to act like it?s the best blowjob in the world, but at least let yourself moan for how nice it feels to have your cock in a warm, wet mouth.
If you need her to change something, ask her in a way that isn?t insulting to her skills. If you?re feeling her teeth scrape your cock (and you?re not into that kind of thing), you can say, ?Can you do it with less teeth? My cock is too sensitive for it.? If she?s using too much suction, you can tell her ?It?s so fucking hot that you?re so into it. But I?d love it if you could go a little softer.? Whatever it is you need, guide her to it in a positive way.
If it?s a repeat problem, don?t bring it up during the blowjob itself or even discuss it during your aftercare. Wait until you have a chill, relaxed conversation about it outside of sex. Let her know what doesn?t work and offer suggestions for what might work better.
Whatever the issue, approach it with sympathy and kindness. It?s not like she?s trying to give you bad head. She?s doing her best. And she?s working hard to try to give you as much pleasure as she can ? that?s something to be grateful for.
Make Her Feel Sexy
Being good at receiving a blowjob is mostly about making the lady giving it feel sexy. Showing the signs that you?re loving it, taking an active role in it, and helping her give her best head is going to make her feel really good about herself and actually love what she?s doing.
When you make her feel like a hot blowjob queen, everyone wins. You?ll get better head and get it more often. She?ll feel special and proud.
So, be a reactive, responsive, enthusiastic gentleman when she goes down on you. Because you might be the one getting the blowjob, but you don?t have to be the only one who enjoys it.
Let?s keep in touch! Sign up for my weekly newsletter (I won?t send you anything without your enthusiastic consent!)
? If you liked this post, you might also love:
