For people who are not into pain
Photo by: FXQuadro / Shutterstock
I?m naked except for my panties, lying on my stomach and arching my ass up. It?s my way of asking for a spanking without using my words.
I?m turned off by pain, but I?m not anticipating any ? only pleasure.
Before I met my husband, though, no one smacked my ass.
Often, it was a logistical thing. I had lots of drunken missionary sex with almost no foreplay. With my ass against the mattress the whole time, there were no opportunities for a spanking.
It?s not something I asked for, either. I couldn?t imagine liking it. Red hand prints and bruises just seemed painful, not sexy.
I filed spanking away with ball gags and nipple clamps: just another BDSM thing I was too vanilla to enjoy.
Then I met Mr. Austin. The man I married is, to put it mildly, a big fan of ass. So, naturally, he tends to be a bit ass-centric in his sexual affection.
I don?t mean anal sex (though, yeah, sometimes anal sex), but caressing, grabbing, squeezing, and kissing my backside.
Giving my ass a gentle slap evolved naturally out of that.
I was shocked the first time he gave me a spank. Not just because it took me off guard, but because it felt so damn good.
I had heard that the point of spanking is that it delivers pain accompanied by a dose of pleasure. But that doesn?t describe my experience. Having Mr. Austin?s palm land on my cheek didn?t feel painful at all.
Sharp, yes, but not painful.
It was an intense sensation, but pain isn?t the right word for it. It?s more like having lots and lots of nerve endings stimulated at once.
It also felt a bit intoxicating, like every smack caused a wave of hormones to rush through me.
And best of all, I didn?t just feel it on my ass. Every spank gave me a tingling sensation in my pussy.
I was converted instantly. If this is what spanking feels like, I was definitely going to add it to the menu.
There?s Spanking and Then There?s Spanking
What I didn?t understand before that first smack on my ass is that there?s really two kinds of spanking.
There?s the kind you get in BDSM play. There, the point is either for the spanker to express a kind of domination or punishment over your more submissive partner, or to inflict enough pain to mark your partner with bruises and welts.
I was put off by the idea of spanking for so long because I thought that was the only kind of spanking there was. I didn?t realize that there was a much gentler option, one that doesn?t hurt whatsoever.
I personally like the vanilla version a lot more, but it took a while to find a really comfortable zone. I was a spanking newbie. So was Mr. Austin, really.
I didn?t know where my line was and Mr. Austin wasn?t sure how to avoid crossing it. We worked it out gradually through trial and error.
Trial?s fun but error sucks. So, I figured I would share some tips for anyone who wants to try spanking but wants to keep it vanilla.
As always, these are the things that work for me, but they?re not necessarily applicable to everyone. If you?re on the kinkier side, these might be weak sauce. If you?re not into spanking whatsoever, these might not change your mind. But if you want to dabble in it, or you found getting spanked just a little too rough, I think these are some pretty solid pointers.
Make Sure the Mood Is Right
I love a good spanking, but I have to be in the right mood to enjoy it. If I?m not already aroused, it won?t do much for me.
If you?re still experimenting with it, build anticipation before getting started. If you?re on the receiving end of that palm, you?re much more likely to enjoy it (and enjoy it a lot more) if you?re already horny and ready to fuck.
If you really want to play it safe, you can even wait until you?re fucking. A slap to the butt is a good complement to some doggystyle and if you?re that far in, you?re hella aroused already (at least, you should be!)
Keep Your Clothes On
My preferences have changed over the years.
I used to love the skin-on-skin feel of a palm hitting my bare ass. The pleasure it gave was sharper, more intense.
Now, I?d rather keep my panties on ? or even my pants ? while getting spanked. The sensation is a little bit muffled or muted, but it?s still plenty and it allows me to enjoy myself even though I?ve become more sensitive.
So, I know the bare-ass spank is the one that seems the sexiest, but trust me when I say that it?s still tons of fun with your clothes on.
When you?re still feeling out whether you like it ? or exactly how you like it ? staying at least partly dressed for the spanking is a good way to dip your toe in the water instead of jumping off the diving board.
Use an Open Palm
I tend to overdo it when I?m trying new things.
When I signed up for an underwear subscription service, I ordered four before I even got to slip one on. I almost never order just one sex toy at a time, even though buying multiple items doesn?t save me on shipping. And when I bought flavored lube, I had to fight back the urge to get five or six varieties.
If spanking was new to me and I was going to make a conscious decision to try it for the first time, I?d probably go overboard, too.
I?d fill an online shopping cart with paddles, floggers, riding crops, and probably a blindfold and some fuzzy handcuffs just for the hell of it.
Resist that urge!
Vanilla spanking is open-palmed. Once you bring accessories into the mix, you?re gearing up for the other type of spanking.
I found that out the hard way when Mr. Austin decided to switch things up once. Instead of giving me my customary spanking, he decided to undo his belt, pull it off his pants, and give me a gentle smack with it.
That was an instant ?nuh uh? for me. Even though he used less force than he would with his hand, it still felt more painful than pleasurable.
If you want a pain-free spanking, you don?t need a credit card. If you?ve got an ass and your partner has a hand (or vice versa), you?ve already got everything you need.
Tap That Ass
Once you do start spanking, start gently.
Don?t go in with a slap or a smack. Give your partner some gentle taps instead.
Don?t worry that you?re not doing it hard enough for it to feel good. Act like you?re worried you?re doing it too hard. That way, you?ll gradually work your way up to the force and speed your partner enjoys the most.
Even though I?ve been getting spanked for ten years, and even though I?ve been on the receiving end of lots of consecutive spanks, we still often start with little taps. It?s kind of like spanking foreplay ? you?re building up to the bigger stuff and getting your partner ready for it.
Make Sure Your Aim Is True
There?s a lot of variety when it comes to spanking, even if you keep it vanilla.
You can vary the speed, frequency, and force of the hand.
You can enjoy it quietly or tell your partner, ?I?ve been very, very naughty, haven?t I??
You can strip naked for it or dress up like Sailor Moon.
And you can also spank different parts of the ass. You can go for the bottom of the bottom, the top, from the sides, and if you?re the really adventurous type you can spread the cheeks and smack your partner?s asshole (lovingly, of course).
Don?t go for that last move right away, though.
When you?re first starting, the fleshier the better. Mr. Austin usually focuses his attention on the lower half of my ass because that?s where he can give a good, honest slap without causing me pain. The closer he gets to my lower back, the more cautious he has to be.
Check In Frequently
If you?re the one delivering the spanking, verbally check in with your partner from time to time to make sure they?re enjoying themselves.
You can also pay attention to the way your partner reacts, but it?s not always a reliable guide, especially if you?re new to this. The jolt of intensity I feel when I get a good hard slap against the ass makes me gasp or inhale sharply and tense up all my muscles. That?s similar to the response I would have if it went a bit too far and caused pain, so it can be hard to tell the two reactions apart.
If you?re the one offering up your backside, don?t be shy about vocalizing how it feels and when you think it?s gotten a little too rough for your liking. At this point, I use a simple ?Ouch? if I want my husband to ease up a bit.
Spanking has a lot going for it. There?s the loud, satisfying sound it makes. There?s the small shock a good smack gives to your system. And of course, it can be just so goddamn arousing.
It?s a great way to add variety to foreplay and explore new sensations even if pain turns you off. If you like having your partner?s hand on your ass, chances are you might enjoy at least a light spanking.
Spanking isn?t going to be for everyone, but it?s definitely worth a try. Learning that you can get smacked without getting hurt opens up a whole new world of fun.
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