You may think it is as simple as a handgrip around the neck but it?s actually a delicate art and a display of trust
Photo by Walid Riachy from Pexels
Choking during sex is a delicate art and a display of trust. Not just anyone can do it, but it is possible to learn. For all genders, choking or breath play close to orgasm can have a euphoric effect on climax.
According to intimacy and relationship coach Lia Holmgren, ?Choking is an act of surrender when we completely trust the other, dominant party and let them take complete ?life-threatening? control over the submissive party.? Life-threatening being pure fantasy as, ?you?re not really looking for any sort of near-death experience, but the prospect of someone having that power can be hot.?
Consent is sexy. Don?t just randomly grab someones neck during intercourse!
I remember the first time someone choked me during sex. I was seeing this guy I met on Tinder called Adam*. He did martial arts and was the president of the Brazilian jujutsu (BJJ) club at university.
This was the first time I?d ever heard of BJJ so I asked him to do a demonstration on me. He was president after all so training a newbie would have been commonplace.
You?ve all had those moments where you?re watching or doing something and think, this would be a good sex position! So we got into position.
There was something erotic, sexy and even dangerous about having him straddle me, my arms fastened behind my back. Buried under the weight of his body. His hands firmly gripping my neck.
He clenched his hand and whispered in my ear, ?Do you like this, Brooklyn?? His other hand slowly made its way down my torso as my breath became shallow. He tucked it into my underwear, softly tracing my clit with a fingertip.
I couldn?t speak let alone so all I mustered out was a small nod and whimper. He clenched harder, effectively cutting off almost all air supply. ?You?re so fucking wet right now,? he whispered, his finger circling my clit faster and with a little more pressure. Now and again it would make its way down to my vagina and just when I thought he?d try to finger me, he?d go back up and return all attention to my clit. I could feel his dick gradually getting harder on my back as he softly began rubbing it on me. And then he let go.
I collapsed to the bed, gasping for air. My mind fogged with ecstasy I didn?t notice the dragging down of my pants and underwear until I felt him push inside of me.
The sex was quick, but that was because it was the quickest we?d both ever climaxed. Me first then him shortly after.
At the time it was the most turned on I?d ever been. Even thinking about it now makes me hot and tingly. Though things ended with Adam, I still think about that time together. Maybe it?s the masochist in me but it drove me crazy how at any point things could have crossed a line into danger but it never did.
To truly maximize pleasure, you need the following things
Though there are loads of people who love being choked during sex. There are also many people who would feel afraid or even have a panic attack if a partner began choking them unexpectedly. In a 2019 study, it was found that almost 24% of adult women had felt scared during sex at some point in their lives, compared to 12.5% of adolescent women, 10.3% of adult men, and 3.8% of adolescent men.
Consent is sexy. Don?t just randomly grab someone’s neck during intercourse! See if it is something you are all keen to introduce into the bedroom. Talk about your concerns and fears. Get in a comfortable space to explore.
A partner you trust
It?s a high-risk activity. Things can go south quickly if you aren?t being safe. Trust is fundamental. Without trust, you won?t feel horny but scared. Adam and I had built up a healthy sex life prior so we didn?t need to communicate much during the act. I knew Adam would never hurt me, so I could fully let go and enjoy myself.
Discuss safe words (or signs)
In all BDSM play, a safe word should be established beforehand. This is usually a non-sexual agreed-upon phrase that shows when one?s partner is uncomfortable and wants the play to stop.
Be safe/ take a class
Things can go south quickly. Choking is a delicate art and for that reason, it is dangerous and should be done with caution. There are many risks. Just because you saw choking in a porn scene once does not mean you should just run off and choke your partner!
You may think it is as simple as a handgrip around the neck but it?s not! Ensure you well versed on techniques before attempting anything. Be prepared, be knowledgeable and be protected.