Tales From The Tail — I Am Done Eating Ass!

Tales From The Tail — I Am Done Eating Ass!

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Client?s Tale

So, I am done eating ass. It took me 48 years to come to this conclusion and, quite frankly, it?s finally enough. But to whomever is reading this and they themselves love that beautiful rim, listen up. I may be done, but boy do I have some good news for you.

Let?s first talk about why we do it. You know that saying, ?now that?s a beautiful piece of ass!?? Well, yes, it?s the tushy that provides the initial semi, but it?s what?s hidden in the crevice that gets us rock hard. And anyone on the receiving end can attest to the overt stimulation had by all. The booty lips are calling for your tongue. Maybe you?re hard thinking about it. The licking, spitting, digging, opening, and even just the ass cheeks pressing against your face, make everyone want more. It?s like fucking Carvel ice cream.

Now, eating some ass has gotten me into significant trouble. And these desires have led to my fair share of intestinal problems. You know ? parasites and bacterial infections. I have had them all. How much diarrhea can someone actually have in a lifetime?! And let me tell you something ? I can?t take another antibiotic. I don?t have it in me. So I say, the hell with ass. I have eaten enough.

It?s sad to say, but my day has cum and gone. But listen up. I recently had my yearly sexual wellness examination with my long-time doctor, Dr. G at Bespoke Surgical. We talk about everything under the sun. Sometimes we even forget to talk about the actual reason why I am there in the first place. It?s that fun and comfortable. Butt this time, we spoke of the above story I outlined. And Dr. G admitted that he eats ass too and fucking loves it, just as much as we all do.

It was through this that he disclosed an awesome approach to parasites or ass-eating infections, either prophylactically or as treatment. And guess what? It?s not taking an antibiotic. No fuckin? way, right? I wish I would have known about this algorithm years prior. Who knows, I may be back behind your ass in no time. I just need a little breather. What?s the secret? I?ll let him tell you.

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My Discussion

First of all, I appreciate this patient disclosing that I love eating ass. Jesus. Well, I guess you could have guessed it since my purpose in life is to help make people?s holes aesthetically perfect and, indeed, functional. What a mission, huh?

But he is right. And thanks to another recent client, the answer is Goldenseal. It?s over the counter and comes in many forms ? pills and tinctures. And do you believe its efficacy approaches that of antibiotics? So much so that one can actually take it prophylactically, especially if you?re engaging in a higher risk exposure.

Let?s dive in, my ass-eating friends. Goldenseal comes from a root (Hydrastis canadensis) and is a herbal product that is popular due to claims related to its immunostimulatory activity. It contains a compound called berberine that kills many types of bacteria, candida (yeast) infections, and parasites, such as tapeworms and Giardia. If you didn?t know already, the latter two are the most common rimming-related ailments for our community. If you lick ass, you know.

An interesting study regarding berberine was conducted in children residing in India. Children with documented Giardia were placed on a standard dosing of berberine and compared to subjects placed on conventional therapy (Metronidazole). The results were completely comparable. A five day treatment with Goldenseal was beyond convenient and without any antibiotic untoward events. Several studies like this exist and it?s favorable in comparison.

Now, what about for us hole-eating homos? Keep reading. Butt it?s also for people who love to get their ass eaten as well. Periodically, a cleanse with a five-day course may be warranted; just to rid of any potential changes. Many times, one is asymptomatic and the best thing about this medicine is that it does not alter Lactobacillus acidophilus, one that is usually affected with conventional antibiotic treatment.

The dosing of Goldenseal or the like is based on body weight and is usually taken as a five day course. I find the pill form ridiculous because of how many pills one needs to ingest every 6 hours. That?s why the liquid or tincture version is the way to go. Check the chart on the actual bottle itself for proper dosing, as these may vary per supplier. Most take 3?4 tablespoons every 6 hours for five days.

Some even swear by adding it into one?s daily vitamin routine, since you never know when an asshole comes around. But in all seriousness, what a great addition to our armamentarium for our community?

No one want you to stop eating ass. I understand the above client is tired of the potential repetitive sequelae of it. But it?s through all of these stories and tales that we are finally creating a bank of knowledge for our community ? providing resources and treatment algorithms that empower all of us. With this empowerment, we are taking initiative for better engagements and for fuck?s sake, why the hell not? Licking ass is a pleasurable sport and now, with a new method of prophylaxis and/or treatment, we at Bespoke Surgical give you free rein to lick and eat away. Just do so responsibly because you never know who?s gonna be behind you!

*Disclaimer: As with all alternative treatments, please consult your doctor before starting. If your symptoms are not abating after a five day course of treatment, then you should seek additional medical attention.

Don?t forget to stay in touch on Instagram: me and Bespoke Surgical.

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