Here?s what I learned with my partner
Photo by Jeremy Banks on Unsplash
Over the long weekend, my partner and I had some much-needed time off work. There was lots of sleeping in and relaxing ? and I even found time to write more than usual. It was lovely.
Oh ? there was also SEX! FINALLY!
Sadly, my libido?s been way down lately, and it had been way too long since we?d tangoed in the sheets.
Fortunately for me (and my sex-starved partner), I found an article online that sparked my inspiration. And my desire.
Thanks to Emma Austin and her amazing article on the clitoral alignment technique (CAT), I was motivated to take action. If you haven?t read it, I highly recommend it!
How to Get Clitoral Stimulation from Penetration
Believe it or not, the secret is missionary
I love this woman?s work. It?s just so readable. And quite educational.
After reading this, I assigned some sexy homework to myself. Like a Sex Nerd. (I wear the label proudly.)
My homework began with a little more digging. I researched videos and images on the CAT. This would help me prepare my presentation for my partner, who?s an artist and a very visual learner.
For those, like me, who?ve never heard of it, this technique is a method of missionary that maximizes clitoral stimulation during intercourse.
After further research, I discovered that there?s nothing too crazy here. You don?t need to be able to do the splits or fold your legs over your head. You don?t have to be able to orgasm from penetration alone ? something I?ve yet to experience.
But it does take a certain finesse, and a bit of patience with your partner. You both have to be open to learning together, to finding each other?s rhythm as you align your bodies.
This is the FUN kind of learning you won?t get from a textbook.
It took zero convincing
After showing my findings to my partner, whose eyes lit up at the mere mention of us having sex (it had been a while, remember?), he agreed to give it a go.
I went to the bathroom, changed into my most revealing (and flattering) nightie, picked out some sexy music, lit a candle, and turned out the bedroom lights. For me, ambiance is not necessarily essential, but it does help enhance things.
He zoomed straight to the bedroom and made no stops.
We started ? or, I should say, I started ? with oral sex.
I took his cock in my hands and placed my tongue on the tip, followed by my lips. I glided my mouth down his shaft to my throat and back up again a few times. He was hard within seconds, but I kept it going for a little while.
Turning on the guy I?m with has always had the added advantage of turning me on ? so it was a win-win.
We soon moved into missionary, me on my back, him kneeling between my legs.
After grabbing lube from the drawer, he placed some on his cock and massaged his shaft against my clit.
We don?t always use lube (we should ? it felt wonderful), but I wanted my clitoris to be slick for all the stimulation I was hopefully going to be getting.
We didn?t spend much more time on foreplay than that. No kissing, no nipple play. We should have, but I was a little too eager.
?Let?s see what we can do,? I said, guiding him inside me.
?Fuck ? you feel good,? was his response.
For the CAT to work, the man has to shift up and over the woman once he?s inside her so that his erection is pointing slightly downward rather than up.
This aligns the base of his penis against her clitoris, and that?s how the magic happens. It?s the same idea as the woman grinding against him while she?s on top, only in reverse.
But I agreed with my partner?s earlier assessment. I was feeling so good at that point that I didn?t want to focus on technique right away.
?Just fuck me for a minute?please,? I said.
After generously indulging me for a bit, we slowed down and got into position to see if we could make the technique work.
He shifted his pelvis upward, then up some more, and leaned his chest down close to mine. I wrapped my legs around him, ready to welcome the fireworks, and then we attempted the ?rocking? motion, where the man is supposed to gently push his penis in a downward motion as the woman gently thrusts upward.
The result? Zero clitoral stimulation. And a few giggles.
It takes practice
We regrouped and tried again. I could tell his penis needed to bend ?slightly? downward even more to allow the base to be solidly against my clit.
?Is my clit too high?? I mused out loud. ?Or maybe you just aren?t, like, bent up enough??
?Oh, I?m definitely ?bent up.??
He gave it his all and tried to shift even more to create that nearly 90-degree angle needed. We did some more rocking, and, bingo!
But shouting Bingo! during sexual intercourse would have been awkward.
?There it is?I feel it,? I said instead.
I felt his cock ever-so-slightly rubbing my clitoris!
The sensation was there, but it was subtle, as I read it would be.
Really, really subtle. In that moment, it was a bit too subtle for me.
We tried it for a while before I politely asked him to let me get on top and fuck him. I was determined to come while grinding against his pelvis with his cock inside of me.
I?ve never had much luck with that either, but I was working toward a goal. Coming while being fucked is most definitely one of my favorite things.
While riding him certianly felt good, I still wasn?t getting clitoral stimulation. Then, I had an idea. One I should have had a long, long time ago.
I thought about my body, my own unique anatomy. Was my clitoris really higher than average? Or maybe it just didn?t stick out all that much?
As I rode my partner, I applied more lube, massaged my clit, and then pulled my labia back slightly.
That was it.
I started to get that telltale feeling in my lady parts. My partner keeps his pubic hair shaved, and rubbing my clit against the scruffy skin on his pelvis was glorious.
I was able to control the speed of the strokes, which needed to be fast and intense.
?Are you getting close?? he asked.
?I am,? I breathed. ?Yes. OH, YES.?
As I continued riding him, he told me about a dream he?d had recently. A sexual dream featuring me with one of my girlfriends I?d met doing a play this year ? whom I happen to find incredibly attractive. Dirty talk is one of his favorite things, and I listened intently.
I was getting close. But I was also getting overheated. Maybe, just maybe I?ll skip the large three-wick candle on the nightstand next time.
We shifted positions again and finished true to form. Him fucking me on my back while I applied a vibrator to my clit.
He came first. I followed quickly, screaming loudly from an intense orgasm as my legs lifted in the air and formed a v-shape. That was a key difference ? my legs don?t usually tend to do that unless the climax hits me hard.
He then kissed me and played with my nipples while I came a second time, about two minutes later. I screamed into his hand, clamped over my mouth, like a crazy person.
Quiet orgasms have a certain beauty to them. They don?t have to be loud to be good.
But this orgasm was good AND loud.
Don?t worry about a goal, just enjoy each other
I would recommend giving the coital alignment technique a try. I would also recommend practice; it always takes a little time and effort to improve a skill.
But I had so much fun and gained so much pleasure from being open and honest with my partner about our bodies. I truly think the intimate connection is part of the reason why my orgasms were so good.
Of course, the slow, burning build as we fucked in various ways for a half-hour was likely part of it too.
I think being less goal-oriented might be helpful next time. Also, I plan to take my time. I plan to make out with him. Ask him to kiss my neck, play with my nipples, and go down on me for as long as I need.
Then, we can try penetration with clitoral stimulation and just see where it takes us.
Taking a no-pressure approach to the situation is the most enjoyable way to go about it. A couple may not achieve orgasm during the CAT, and that?s okay.
But it sure is fun trying.
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